Title: of a love that gave and gave
Fandom: Hetalia
Warnings: no warnings apply
Relationships: nyo!denest
Characters: nyo!est, nyo!den, others mentioned
Tags: Raised In A Cult AU, Human AU, Underage Smoking, flirting, minor age difference*, minor sufin, implied disturbing content**
Summary: Eha has always lived among those on the compound, but new convert, Else, makes her want to change that.
AO3: link
A/N: there's a really really long story behind this au and if anyone wants to hear it, hit me up, but the short version of why you're getting a fic set in this au is i watched the netfl*x docu about my old church, got reminded of this au from years ago, and decided to write a little drabble in it. honestly don't really get why but i do adore this au, but then again, it's a great au to play with my issues. anyway, sorry for disappearing, i've been working on series fics and planning fics that i completely forgot to update anyone on anything, so that's where i've been.
*quick note on the age difference tag, nyo!est is 17 in this fic, while nyo!den is a bit older (not listed in the fic but is about 23 according to my notes about this au) and while this is perfectly legal in my state - and honestly they're in a cult - i did want to list it as i know age differences can be some people's squick. so here's your (second) warning. also they literally do nothing but hold hands and stare at each other.
**also this fic lightly goes over several implied disturbing themes, nothing like any archive warning, it's mostly just getting betrothed while underage, death, end of the world type preaching, and just the implied but not dealt with trauma of some heavy internalized messages that these type of cults give you.
**title inspired from the crane wives, icarus, even though that song has nothing to do with the fic.
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Eha felt her hands shaking as she ducked away from the crowds, smiling to the people she knew as she passed them by as unassumingly as she could. Her plain blue dress almost tripped her several times as she walked through the near empty streets of the compound, and she decided that after what she was doing, she was going to go right home and sew the hemline of her dresses to be a bit higher than they were. That way, next time she decided to do this, she’d not have to worry about face planting on the ground as she walked.
Next time, that thought brought a shiver to her spine. One hand reached up to play with the end of her braid, Viktorija had done it earlier that morning and she had felt so pretty afterwards, but now – now it felt like she had several heavy blankets covering her head.
It was Saturday morning and while most the others were heading towards the meetings rooms or their chores, she was headed towards freedom.
Or, well, temporary freedom.
She’d never actually leave the compound. As the minister had often explained, there was nothing for her – or anyone else – out there, and while she disagreed with much of what the man preached, he wasn’t wrong there. Her family had lived on the compound since before she was born; her mother had fallen in love with the former leader’s wife and had joined if only to be closer to the woman. Eventually the words the leader had spoken had actually penetrated her mother’s brain and she had opened herself up to the truth of the Society and had joined in true faith, eventually marrying Eha’s father and having her and her siblings. Her mother had soon brought in the rest of her family – including Eha’s two uncles and their families – and that led to the unfortunate truth: if she left, she’d have nowhere to go.
Shaking her head, she tried to focus instead on being stealthy but her footsteps sounded so heavy as she stepped over dry grass. If the minister was to believed, this was a sign of the end of times, but she figured that their area was just going through a dry spell and the upcoming rain that Jan had said was coming would help the crunchy grass become uncrunchy. Which was good, she thought as she ducked under a large willow tree – which was the only tree of it’s type on the anywhere on the compound – as less crunchy grass was always more fun to lay on. The willow tree branches brushed against her hair and she paused to make sure none of it tangled, her eyes making contact with the minister's home. The poor tree sat directly next to the minister’s home lot, and while the minister was off preaching to the 16 and up male group right now, it didn’t change that she felt watched.
It was all worth it though.
Else Løkke waited behind the compound's tall fence, right next to the loose fence board, a pack of cigarettes held in one hand. She was a new convert to their compound; her father had joined the group two years ago but he had held off on getting his family to join, only in the last three months bringing his four daughters to join him, and Else had caught her eyes immediately.
Eha knew that nothing could come from their friendship – not only was Else in a different age group than her, Eha had been told since she was 14 that she was to be married to her cousin – but she hardly thought that what they were doing was too wrong. Sure, sneaking off the compound to smoke was forbidden: cigarette’s being a way to be led astray, and yes – Else did often talk about things she was supposed to have left behind when she joined the compound, but Eha loved learning, and since much of what Else spoke about was banned for being things that could lead them away from their supposed honorable path into paradise after the world ended, Eha wanted to hear everything.
The world outside the compound fence did scare her. Again, nothing out there for her. Yet at the same time, she couldn’t help but want to know more. To see the large cities the other talked about – to be able to walk into a library and know that none of the books had been cherry picked or ripped apart to protect the innocent-minded among them.
“You’re earlier than I thought,” Else said, a smile on her face as Eha came to stand next to her.
The other woman had her hair plaited down her back, but instead of the careful way the more devoted women of the compound did theirs – making sure no hair was out of place – Else’s looked as if she had scrambled to put it together. Eha reached out, pushing a stray piece of hair back. It was nothing more than a friendly gesture, she decided as she watched Else drop to the ground, splaying out her legs in front of her. The dress she wore wasn’t as long as the one Eha wore and her bare flesh stuck out in a way that was supposed to be indecent according to the minister, but Eha found to be intriguing.
“I just had to drop Raivis off at the grade school,” she replied, ducking her head as she added, “I'm supposed to be in reflection today.”
Else’s smile morphed into a grin, “What is a good girl like you doing in glorified time out?” She asked as she held out a cigarette.
“Reflection isn’t glorified time out,” Eha argued as she held her hand out for a lighter, quickly lighting up before she continued, “It’s a time where one is supposed to reflect on their sins and their faith and their future. It’s a time of reflection.”
Else laughed lightly. “You don’t have faith, you think the minister is a crackpot!”
“Yeah, well-” It wasn’t the full truth; she truly did believe in some of what the minister spoke about. The world did seem cruel; the bits of history that was spoken about during history classes talked about world wars and mass murders and horrible things of that nature; if there was ever a sign that it was going to come to an end, it’d be that (right?), but she was also correct. Eha thought the minister was a crazy man. He was the son of the former leader – because that was what those in charge were called before the minister came along – and while in charge, he had spoken of nothing but doom. Other things had happened that changed the group in weird ways; things that had never been apart of the group began being introduce.
Eha could still hear her mother arguing about clothing when the minister made an edict declaring certain clothing as dooming the group to damnation, swearing that it was a sign that things were going to get worse. She forced those thoughts from her mind as she listened to Else's words.
“So, to ask again, what were you doing in time out?” Else flicked her cigarette, the ashes falling to the ground.
“Me and my cousin are trying to get out of our betrothal,” she said after a second, “Tino feels like it’s weird with the age difference between us – he thinks that since he was nearly an adult when the betrothal happened, he should be with someone closer to his age and not have to wait until I come of age.”
Like Birgitta, Else’s younger sister. Her cousin had been making moon eyes at the girl since they had joined and Birgitte joined him in working with the 10 and unders in the after school program. It was, in equal parts, adorable and disgusting: she loved that her cousin had fallen for someone, but by god, he could learn to lock the bathroom door every now and then.
Still, she wasn’t going to say that.
Eha wasn’t exactly sure how close the two sisters were – not only did they have two different last names, but they seemed to be at each other’s throats a lot. At least the third and fourth of the sisters, who’s names Eha could never remember, were pretty normal in behavior.
“Ah, well, sorry?” Else seemed to frown and Eha felt her head shake.
“No, it’s fine, neither of us want it.” She took another drag of her cigarette, before dropping the mostly gone thing to the ground, crushing it. It sat there for a second before she bent to pick it up, tossing it in the old gum container that someone had left behind years ago. Though smoking was forbidden, a lot of people on the compound smoked, at least, a lot of people Eha knew, and more than a few of these containers existed somewhere on ground.
“Plus,” she added after a minute, green eyes sparkling slightly. “I have a year before I turn 18, I might find someone else.”
Else looked towards her, bottom lip between her teeth. “Yeah?”
“I mean, it’s a big compound – there’s like 700 of us, my cousin can’t be the only person I could marry.” Not that she wanted anyone else but the other in front of her.
Else moved, holding out her hand for help up. Eha gripped her hands, their fingers intertwining as she pulled the other up. For a second, her eyes closed as the other pulled one hand out of her grasp to swipe the dirt off her dress, and she waited for the moment that their little touch would end, but instead, as soon as Else was done swatting dirt away, she rejoined their hands. Eha opened her eyes and noted that they were of a height to each other, and Else's brilliant eyes seemed to shine in the light of the bright morning. Else bent slightly after a moment and pressed a kiss to her head, before rubbing their noses together. “You’ll have a line of suitors once this comes out,” she said as she moved away slowly, not moving her second hand.
It was a sweet thing to say and something that those who were without a betrothal were told, but as she thought on that, all of her earlier bravado fell away. Eha didn’t want a line of suitors, she only wanted the woman in front of her. “Maybe.”
Looking down at the dirt, she wondered what would happen if she told Else that. Even though she knew that nothing could come out of it – most marriages between women on the compound only happened after they both had children and lost a husband already – she didn’t want to have to wait that long to express her feelings towards her. Yet at the same time, she didn’t want to lose what she had gained.
Else was more than a crush, more than the person who would talk to her about the outside world without censoring herself – she was the first person who spoke to Eha about what Eha wanted. Not even her parents, who were quite overbearing, did that. Else questioned Eha about her life, about her likes and wants and dreams and dislikes and – she made her feel as if she was the only person in the whole world who mattered.
“I-”
The bell in the town square rang loudly, cutting off her words.
“Shit.” Else yanked her hands away, pulling at her dress before messing with her hair, trying to push it into a respectable way. Eha frowned as she watched her rush to make herself look presentable before her eyes darted around the empty space as she shoved the cigarette pack into her bra. “Do you know how long it takes the minister to get to the community rooms?”
“Um, twenty minutes,” She replied before asking, “Were you supposed to meet him?”
“Yeah.” Else looked absolutely unapologetic as she grinned, “He wants to talk but honestly I was a little more interested in talking to you.”
Oh.
“I doubt what we’ve talked about was of any interest to you-”
Else moved close again, cupping her face with a hand, “Everything about you interests me,” she said, earnestly. There was a look in the bright blue eyes but Eha couldn't figure out what it meant before Else was adding, “Never forget that.”
“Okay.” Her face felt hot as Else stared at her. This was the closest they had ever been to each other, and Eha was amazed at every little feature she could categorize on the other's face, before she remembered why they were so close and she shook herself out of the daze, “Your meeting – you’re already – you’re going to be late.”
The other nodded but made no move to duck under the fence again. Instead, her eyes were still trained on Eha and she felt her heart skip a beat.
“I gotta go,” Else said, after a few moments. The look on her face spoke only of how little she wanted to do that, but still she moved. Halfway through the fence hole, she looked back, “Meet up with me again tomorrow?”
“Always.” Else could ask anything of her and Eha would listen. Perhaps that was a sin in the eyes of the minister – the only person you should have unwavering support for was him and his words for only he knew when destruction would befall the world – but she didn’t care.
The other disappeared from her view and Eha waited a few more minutes before she ducked back into the compound, sliding back into the person she was expected to be. She’d head back to her room to reflect more on her betrothal before meeting up with Tino to explain that she truly felt it was the best they end it – perhaps if she said she had a revelation about it the minister would listen – and then wait for the next day to happen.
She pressed a hand against the willow tree before she began to take crunchy steps back towards the main square. A distant rumble sounded and she looked up towards the east, dark clouds hung overhead. Jan was right, she thought, rain was coming in.
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A/N: Not really much else to say. Don't know if I'll ever write anything more in this au - unless you guys want to see it - but um, I do like it so who knows.
human names:
Eha - nyo!est
Viktorija - nyo!liet
Else - nyo!den
Birgitta - nyo!swe
Jan - neth
