#hyperfarts

[smellystars]

Bruce was on the top of his game, he trained for months preparing for this match. Constant workout and a meal plan that would maximize his calories and energy produced. The morning of his big game he ate extra bacon eggs, and drank three protein shakes on the way to get as much protein as he could. He could feel everything he ingested working but the pressure he felt inside was growing. The changing room was busy with all Bruce’s teammates getting pumped up for the game, while Bruce sat on a bench nursing his aching tummy as the pressure kept growing. With the blow of a whistle the changing room was empty everyone rushing to the field. Bruce rushed to his feet and pulled on his shorts. He lifted his leg up hoping to relieve some of the pressure, a loud PPPPPPPRRRRTTTTTT escaping his ass rattling and opening some of the lockers - a green haze taking over the room. Bruce feeling a bit of relief runs out of the room to meet his team on the field. The game starts as players clash - Bruce struggling to keep whatever was brewing inside. As the game went on his pain grew with the pressure inside. As an opener tried to grab the ball from Bruce he accidentally grabbed onto his shorts pulling them down. That was the final straw as Bruce couldn’t hold it in any more - BBBBBBRRRRPPPPTPTTTTTT. The loudest deposed fart anyone’s ever heard shot of out Bruce’s ass like thunder. Actually more thunderous than thunder, it was as if a nuke erupted and the arena was ground zero. The grass was scorched, items went flying. The whole building was shaking as a noxious cloud smelling of eggs and rotted meat quickly enveloped the arena and surrounding area. Anyone that was unlucky and that was everyone fell unconscious to the smell that quickly invaded their senses. Bruce stood there in the middle his shorts completely blown to pieces embarrassed “Excuse me”

[theleomarspt2]

The Lake Date

Cw: Fart/Hyperfart content ahead

It was a warm day, and Lorenzo was enjoying his swim when a handsome young guy setting up his picnic not far from shore had caught his attention. Confindent in his smoohtness, Lorenzo swam back to shore to retrieve his glasses and dry off his hair. The sun glistened against his perfectly toned swimmers body, as his speedo hugged him in all the right places. Lorenzon continued to look at the guy who had called his attention, and he was determined to put him to the test.

As Lorenzo approached the guy, he felt a rumble in his abdomen indicating his stomach was producing enough gas to impress the guy.

"Hey, lovely day for a picnic"

"Uh yeah..."

The other guy looked nervous, not knowing why some handsome man in a speedo was approaching him. As he sat on picnic blanket, he could not take his eyes off this handsome stranger. Something about his slim muscular body and wide smile made him feel approachable.

"Where are my manners? I am Lorenzo"

"I am Chris, I take it you are practicing your swimming?"

"Haha that obvious? And what brings such a handsome guy like you to be eating alone?"

Chris demeanor went from shy to sad.

"Well, I was supposed to be here with someone... but he broke up with me."

Lorenzo saw Chris drawing into himself, and with an understanding expression lowered himself to Chris’ level, putting his hand on Chris’ shoulder.

"Hey man that sucks, sorry to hear that" Lorenzo said, happy to hear that this cute stranger was gay.

"it’s alright I suppose, probably for the best"

"It’s his loss anyway, you’re too adorable a guy to simply let go"

Lorenzo’s compliment sent a shock down Chris’ system. While the sadness from the recent breakup had clouded his mind he could still pick up on Lorenzo’s intentions. With the ball in his court, Chris found a little courage within him.

"Well you know, I did bring quite more food than I could eat and I’d hate to have to take it all back, you’re not some psycho are you?"

"I promise I am not" Lorenzo knew well what his plan was, he could feel it in his stomach, so the question made him giggle.

"that’s good enough for me, if you don’t have anything else to do would you want to join me?" Asked Chris bravely.

"it’d be an honor"

Lorenzo said as he sat down on the blanket, in such a manner that his muscles flexed, trying to impress Chris.

The two men had a candid time, sharing about one another's lives. Chris got to share about how he was trying to move through life despite his shyness, while Lorenzo proved to be the contrary. The confident swimmer spoke about his passion for his job as a lawyer and his love for his more athletic hobbies. In between bites of cantaloupe and prosciutto Lorenzo began to feel a pressure building up against his back end, knowing fully well it was his time to see if this guy could handle all of him.

Both men continued their conversation, with Chris completely mesmerized as he Lorenzo's sweet Italian accent filled the air. With Chris giving him puppy eyes, Lorenzo saw a chance to start the betting process he always put potential partners into. A rumble erupted from his direction.

"Oh excuse me, hopefully this is not too rude but I can't hold it back" He said, and before Chris could process anything Lorenzo scrunched his face.

PBBBBBRRRRRTTT

A five second ripple exploded out of Lorenzo's muscular backside. Whatever moisture leftover from his swim seemed to evaporate. As the fart ripped a strange smell began to emanate from his speedo. It was like garlic, but with a smoky tinge to it.

"Haha my bad, you know, athlete's diet"

"Well.... it is just part of breaking the ice hahaha"

Lorenzo was surprised by how accepting Chris turned out to be of his fart. It seemed like Chris might pass Lorenzo's test afterall.

Both men continued to talk, Lorenzo's fart having loosened up some of the tension Chris was feeling. Just as Chris was about to try his luck at flirting he felt a tremor underneath his body.

PPPPPPPPPPPPFFFFFRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRTTTTTTTTTTT

The subtle ground shaking turned into a sustained rattle that made the picnic blanket flutter. The flowers in the blooming trees that surrounded them began falling to the ground and being blown away before touching the ground, while a flock of nearby pigeons flew away startled by the booming sound emanating from Lorenzo.

"Oh damn... seems like my stomach decide to make a statement" Said Lorenzo quite proudly of the fart he had just ripped.

Holding back coughing, Chris could not help but to double over laughing. He could barely believe the absurdity of the situation. Here was a man who looked as though he had been carved by Michaelangelo with farts strong enough to cause small earthquakes. As bizarre as this was, it had an endearing air to it.

"Well," Chris said between bouts of laughter "That is a way to make a memorable first impression"

Lorenzo's proud expression turned into a mischievous grin. With a spark in his eyes, Lorenzo got closer to Chris.

"Memorable, huh? what if I went bigger next time" He leaned into Chris's ear and with a charming whisper said "Imagine, a serenade from my deepest end just for you... hopefully that way I can leave you breathless"

A rush of blood went to straight to Chris's face. Lorenzo's seductive demeanor, and its contrast with his unique talent, sent a shiver down his spine.

"A serenade? What an honor" he said trying to tease his companion back. "Well, maybe you can clear the park so it can be a bit of a private concert"

Lorenzo was taken aback by Chris's sudden confidence, but just as quickly he regained his composure and decided to take in the challenge. He took a deep breath and allowed for this belly rumble, announcing the production of new gas, ready to cause a ruckus.

As Chris was confidently smiling, Lorenzo reached over to him and pulled him by the back of his head. As Chris was leaned in, Lorenzo leaned in to make their forehead touch.

BBBUUUUUUUURRRRRRRRRREEPPPPPPP

A loud, guttural belch erupted from Lorenzo’s mouth and blew back Chris’s hair.

“How’s that for a solo” Lorenzo asked with a smug smile on his face. A few hikers nearby turned to look at the source of the explosion while Chris remained speechless.

“Come with me” Lorenzo grabbed Chris’s hand and and the two walked towards the shore. “See those trees over there?” Lorenzo pointed at the island less than a mile away.

"Watch this" He said, as he turned back to Chris and pointed his butt towards the island. He inhaled deeply, the sound of his breath only rivaled by a roar that moved the top of his stomach towards his lower abdomen. He then proceeded to exhale, from both ends.

PPPPPPPPFFPFFFFFFFBBBBBBBBBBBRRRRRRRRRRTTTTTTTT

PPPPPRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRTRRRRRRRRTTTTTT

Two explosions exited Lorenzo's butt, the threads of his speedo somehow managing to stay together. The first fart, longer and with quite a cresendo, managed to form a considerably-sized wave that rippled accross the late and broke against the island, while the sheer force of it also managed to rustle the leaves in the trees of the island. Nearby swimmers began to try and scape, but were knocked over by the waves created by the fart. Sailboats began drifting away from the shore, and even nearby seagulls were pushed away by the current of wind. Chris simply watched with his mouth agape as the noxious winds from Lorenzo hit the island.

The second fart, while shorter, had deeper sound to it. The sonic boom of it continued to ripple across the water of the lake, but it was the smell of it that was the most impactful. A mixture of digested cheese and garlic, with a strange mixture of herbs that seemed to just have passed through Lorenzo's system made the first couple of birds fall into the water and seemed to turn a few of leaves of the island's trees brown. Lorenzo sighed, before relaxing his body and sitting by the shore, motioning for Chris to join him and contemplating the mayhem he had caused.

Initially stunned, Chris followed through and joined Lorenzo in looking at the the lake as it returned to its once interrupted tranquility.

"Wow" Said Chris "That was some next level"

"Haha I wanted to see if I could impress you, hopefully you're not scared now"

"I think I just need to keep you pleased now" Chris said with a smile on his face and a hand inching closer to Lorenzo's toned thighs. As Lorenzo was about to reach for Chris's hand a major rumble left his stomach, one that even send shivers down his entire body.

PPPPPFFFFFRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRTTTRTRRRTTTTTRRRRRRRBBBBBRRRRRRRRTTTTTTTTTRTTTTTTTRRSS

The deafening sound of a chainsaw emanated from the Italian man's butthole. The ground shook with as the sound reached its peak intensity. The force of the explosion sent shockwaves all around him, knocking lake goers down as they tried running away and causing most wildlife to struggle as they tried scaping what felt like the detonation of a bomb.

The fart's volume and odor soon became unbearable, even for Lorenzo who began coughing. He had little time to process the realization that he had finally ripped a fart that not even he could control was interrupted when he saw that a large wave was headed straight towards the island. As the fart began dying towards the one minute and thirty seconds mark, Lorenzo came back into his own mind after the gargantuan fart had taken him out of it.

Soon after he returned to his sense, he realized that Chris was holding to his torso, hugging him tightly trying not to fly away. Part of his clothes ripped from the blast while his face was pressed onto Lorenzo's chest.

"Fuck...... man I am sorry...sorry, the aftershocks are unpredictable."

Chris raised his head, a belwidered look in his face. He soon realized that he was hugging Lorenzo, and retreated into himself.

"Chris... fuck... I am sorry, I understand if you decide to-" Lorenzo was interrupted as Chris's hands held his face and Chris's lips touched his in a passionate yet sudden kiss, which Lorenzo reciprocated with gusto.

Instead of being annoyed, Chris felt a surge of warmth towards the man beside him. He could not stop himself from kissing Lorenzo, a man charisma and a butt capable of clearing a park. What more could a man ask for? As they pulled away from the kiss, Chris put his hands on Lorenzo's thighs.

"Well, your concert was impressive" Chris said smiling "and I hope you accept my request of a private one"

It was Lorenzo's turn to be taken aback by Chris's boldness, but as soon as the surprise wore off he smiled.

"I would love that Chris"

"Say no more" Without hesitating, Chris grabbed Lorenzo's hand and as both men stood up Chris began leading Lorenzo.

"Where?.. Where are we going?"

"First you are tellime where your car is and you are getting your clothes, can't have people looking at your butt after fart" Chris pointed to Lorenzo's backside as his speedo was not shredded and his buttocks were exposed.

"Then" said Chris "My place, I live not too far from here"

The sun shined on their path as the men walked hand in hand towards their destinations, both aware that a new beginning was brewing for the two of them.

Disclaimer: I do not own the pictures I used, the story described is 100% fictional.

Shout out to: @smellystars and @gassydumbjocks for giving me feedback while writing

[scratchthatitch]

📖 GET IT WHILE IT'S HOT: a new chapter of my kingdom for a (sort of) troll! If you haven't tuned in yet, here's what you're missing:

Rudderless royal, Rose, has her work cut out for her when her bumbling father offers refuge to Jules, a malodorous mischief-maker raised by trolls. Thanks to him, her Court will never be the same.

A story of self-discovery, challenging conformities, and rude sexual awakenings. Literally.

FINALLY a subplot I vaguely set up in like the first three chapters of this thing pays off lmao

FINALLY... available on an AO3 tab near you... a real Jules hyperfart.

Eustace/Jules arc is well underway now! There's a lot going on emotionally for Eustace across this and to do it justice it needed splitting. Chapter 22 will round this out in a way that I'm so looking forward to sharing with those still reading, going to be working hard to try and have it published later this week. 🫡

*************************************************************************

"You tell me! Do what thou does best, Fido, and sniff!"

It had never been necessary to try. Breaking wind was the only thing that had ever come to Jules naturally; to try was to suggest that his gas ever needed coaxing, or that permission had to be granted to pollute his whereabouts as thoroughly as he always did. He was not privileged to know choice, control, or final say over the matters of his own digestive functions. All of these were deliberately missing from his script.

There were misjudgments and lost wars, death tolls consisting of piles of ruined undergarments, and he half-suspected this was what his real sickness, the work of the mark, wanted. Any control he ever flaunted was surface-level, an illusion fooling even him, sometimes. Through boyhood years of trying to banish his affliction, only for a man named Topps to impel that devastating realization that it would always be there, he would later come to know a second perspective. When he needed it, there it was. Interminable, endless, reliable. When he needed it, he owned it. It was not the dark work of another, then. It was his.

[smellystars]

The Exterminator

You recently found a few roaches in your home which was only the start. Mice and other bugs started popping up so you searched for a cheap embittered effective exterminator online. You landed on bomb-exterminations. The reviews were weird though, “it worked but my house stank for a week” “some of my stuff broke 2 stars!” Well it was cheap, and I’ll probably have to replace some items but at least it works, with the click of a button and the punch of your card they’d arrive tomorrow. *knock knock knock* you open the door to find the most attractive man you’ve ever seen. “Hello Sir, bomb-exterminations here!” A tall buff man in a blue polo that was stretched to its limits stood in the door. “Oh yes thank you come in” you step to the side as he walks past, your gaze fixed on his big ass stretching his jeans to the limit. You regain your composure long enough to ask him how if he was gonna start in the basement and work his way up or some other way. All the man says is don’t worry just leave the house for a bit since the gas he’s gonna use is really potent so it’s best to not be here during it and by the end your house will be critter free. He walked up the stairs and out of view. Though a little creepy you decided to follow behind him quietly so he wouldn’t notice your presence, watching him from around the corner. “He said gas, where is his tank and mask?” You thought to yourself until he pulled down his pants unveiling his bare ass cheeks BBRRPPPBBTTTTTTTTT The large man ripped a fat one, green gas spilling out from his huge ass. The gas quickly making its way down the hall BBRPBBTTTTTT into every room PPRRRTTTTTT and every floor BBRRTTTTTTT. You couldn’t help but be turns on, the sheer power of his ass had you hooked. You saw mice and bugs falling over from the smell it was impressive and quite scary. You accidentally took a full inhale, his gas toxic you tried to hold in your coughs but the smell was too much. You coughed and gagged much like the critters you were trying to get rid of. He noticed you as you fell over onto the floor his gas too strong. You awoke outside on your lawn the fresh air feeling like the first sip of water after traveling the dessert. You look to your left to see the man standing over you making sure you’re okay. “I did warn you sir. I would apologize but by the look of your friend there I can tell you enjoyed it.” I massive bulge was in your pants but as you hunched over, hands covering your face red. PPPRRBBBTTT “Whew even out there they tend to linger for a while.” The man said while waving his arm behind his ass. “Im Mateo by the way.” He hands you a piece of paper with a number on it. “I’ll leave you this so you can always reach me personally for my services.” He winks at you and rips another tiny but still potent fart that leaves you dazed.

[smellystars]

Manhattan was dealing with some unusual weather today. Strong winds blowing throughout the city. Papers and leaves flying, trees swaying viciously and people struggling not to get knocked off their feet. A strong windstorm with a horrible stench attached to it. Some people thought maybe it was a fire or gas explosion somewhere in the city. Well they were technically right. A dude named Luis had closed shop for the day to let out the ever-expanding amount of gas he had inside of him. Thinking he was just fumigating his shop he let rip one giant fart so he wouldn’t hotbox his apartment. Little did he know that his relief was everyone else’s misery. The toxic stench enveloped half of manhattan. People passed out in the streets, the smell even makings its way into the subway. Trains delayed until further notice as many people, rescue workers and drivers included fell ill to the vile smell. As Luis continue to listen to his music and cleaning his shop not knowing the catastrophe he was causing. When will it end? Good question.

(I’ll post some small captions to tie everyone over for the longer stories)

[theleomarspt2]

Ricardo was a rather handsome man, a beautiful face with striking brown eyes. His biggest trait; however, was the large pair of buttocks he carried around, and he was proud of it. He loved wearing tight pants that perfectly hugged his body and drew all the attention to his large gluteus. As he walked around the streets of Mexico City he stole the stares of many admirers.

After a particularly extravagant family lunch, Ricardo’s stomach began to churn ominously. A large amount of gas began expanding against his stomach, applying pressure against his distended gut. Ricardo knew what was coming, he was knew how gassy he could, and not wanting to embarrass himself in front of his family, he decided to exit his brother's apartment and meander around for a bit till the bloating went down.

As he realized how strong the pressure was, he decided to climb to the apartment buiding's terrace to finally let go of some of the gas.As he was climbimg the stairs to the roof, the increasing gas began causing him to cramp, the sharp pain reaching new heights and the consolation of finally letting go of it all being the only thing pushing him to keep going. When he reached the top, Ricardo turned to the city below, clenched his fists, and took a deep breath. A particularly sharp cramp made him bent in agony. The gas wanted to get out, and he wanted it out.

And then, it happened.

The first fart erupted like a cannon blast, tearing through the air with a force that split the clouds above. Trees all the way across town shook violently, their leaves blown off scattering every direction. Bystanders below screamed and clutched at lampposts, their hair blown away by the shockwave. Street vendors’ carts rolled down the sidewalks as if propelled by invisible hands, and many birds fell to the floor. A strange smell, a mixture of cumin and sulfur soon encompassed the neighborhood his brother lived in, and as the beastly flatulence died down, the people of the apartment building began trying to evacuate thinking and earthquake had hit the city.

The force of the blast pushed Ricardo forward, making him land on his hands and knees. He took another deep breath, feeling the pressure still within him, and before he could even think a gas bubble disloged from his stomach and traveled up his esophagus, culminating in a loud belch. The sound was so deep it made the building tremble. The vibrations traveled down through the concrete and steel, creating ripples across the glassy windows of the skyscraper as if it were made of water. The echo bounced off nearby mountains, returning to the city as a thunderous roar.

But Ricardo wasn’t finished.

He shifted his weight, summoning every ounce of power in his stomach. He realized his tight pants, usually worn in pride to show off his titanic butt, were a nuance that pressed too hard on his belly now, so he decided to undo, causing his underwear-clad ass to be exposed. As soon as the pressure of the pants was gone, a hurricane-like gust blasted from him, sending lamposts tumbling down the street like tumbleweeds, spinning and crashing as people dove out of the way. A massive billboard across from the building was ripped off its posts, flying through the air before crashing down into the nearby lake, sending a tidal wave splashing onto the shores.

The fart was so powerful that it formed a cyclone—an actual whirlwind of pure gaseous fury. It picked up everything in its path: bicycles, street signs, entire bus stops, and even statue. For miles around, people clung to anything bolted down as the wind roared past, leaving a clear swath of emptiness in its wake. The skies, now filled with the smell of Ricardo’s noxious digested meat and sewage, cleared as the cyclone scattered the storm clouds.

But even then, the destructive gas wasn’t finished. With one final push, Ricardo let out a burp so tremendous it disrupted radar at the city's airport. The shockwave swept across the land like a comet, flattening tv antennas and even setting off car alarms in a nearby town. Tourist miles away watched in awe as a wave of wind blew them off their feet and made the trees ripple like the surface of a pond.

When the wind finally died down, the city laid in a stunned silence. A crisp, cool breeze remained, filling the air with the unmistakable aroma of cumin and digested meat.

Ricardo took a deep breath, surveying the city. He smiled in relief, gave a final nod, and descended carefully down the nearly crumbling building knowing he had caused so much destruction. As he exited into the street, nobody knowing he had caused such a disaster he told himself with pride, "no one can clear the air like me huh."

[smellystars]

School Blowout

Mr. Cruz is your average calc teacher at wellbring high school. Though what most don’t know is his constant gas problem. Mr.Cruz has had this problem his entire life constantly farting without end, no matter the situation and with age it has only seemed to get worse. What used to be a quick puff of air with a bit of a smell has become minutes long with a smell that packs quite a punch.

When quarantine came around Mr.Cruz was elated, he didn’t have to worry about taking breaks to rip or worry about anyone else smelling his gas and can rip as he pleases. It did become hard explaining why at random his mic would mute for a few minutes during meetings and online classes. To pass the time when not in classes, Cruz started to work out and order a few tubs of protein. Taking protein, working out and eating anything to bulk helped Cruz to get a body that anyone would call hot and a very plump and round ass that could turn heads. The unintended side effects, gas worse than anyone could imagine. A singular fart now has the force to rumble furniture, and a smell bad enough to cause unconsciousness from a single sniff. At worst a rumbling akin to an earthquake, a smell so bad that plants would wilt and die. Thus began the worst event to happen at wellbring high.

It was Thursday January 25, 2024 everyone was running to class not wanting to be late. The class was loud with chatter and laughter as the students talk amongst themselves. Suddenly a loud boom came from the hallway and the class goes silent. The students wonder what could have created that sound. After two minutes, Mr.Cruz walks into his class holding his stomach and says good morning to his students. A girl in the back of the class asks Mr.Cruz if he knows what that sound was. He responds, “ Yeah, sorry I couldn’t hold it i.” All the students laugh at the respond and tells Cruz that it isn’t possible for a singular fart to be that loud. “I take a lot of protein and you see what I’m working with back there, unless I actually try all my gas is going to be loud” he says then sits down as he groans in pain. The students then look at Mr.Cruz worried “Are you okay?” some of the students ask. Mr.Cruz doesn’t respond and all of a sudden a stream of gas leaves his behind, much louder than the one in the hallway. The students cover their ears in fear that their eardrums would burst. “Uhhhhh something I ate isn’t agreeing with me” Cruz says as he leans against the board, his ass facing his students. A loud gurgle is heard then

BRRRRUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUMMMMMMMMMBBTT!!!!

A loud explosion from Cruz’s ass send desks and books flying as the students quickly evacuate the class. A rumble that can be felt all over the school as the principal turns on the intercom, “Everyone evacuate the school this is not a drill evacuate the school.” The principal thinking maybe a pipe somewhere burst leading to a gas leak. Mr.Cruz after hearing that tries to hold his gas long enough that everyone leaves the school knowing how bad the next gas attack is going to be. His stomach gurgling louder and louder as only two minutes pass. “I can’t hold it anymore, I have to let it out” with that Cruz let’s go

BBBBBRRRRRRRNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNMMMMNNNNNNNNNMMMMMMPPPPPPPPPTTTTTTT!!!

A deep bassy and deadly fart leaves his ass making his cheeks jiggle as a rumbling that would scale a 9 on the richter scale bursts forth. Walls crack as he continues to rip, his gas spreading throughout the school creating a brownish haze. The cracked walls fully break turning to rubble as Cruz’s destructive fart continues without end. Window shatter as the only barrier between everyone outside the school is gone. The gas spewing outside the school like a rocket, plants wilting, birds and animals fainting from the smell. Students and faculty start to cough and gag on the smell, some trying to take shelter in cars and busses but nothing could protect them from Cruz’s gas cloud.

Another gurgle can be heard from Cruz’s gut, “uhh one more just push it all out at once then I’m done,” he says panting covered in sweat. He lays on his stomach arching his back and aiming his ass upwards, balling his fist and is pushing as much gas down as he can. He grunts

BBBBBBBBBBBBBBBRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRNNNNNNNNNMMMMMMNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNMMMMMMNNNNNNNNNMMMMMMPPPPPPPPPTTTTTTT!!!!!

The school is reduced to rubble, the roof was blown away in an instant, walls and floors reduced to rubble, the lockers and anything metal melted and rusted due to the heat. The gas cloud visible from the next town over, anyone close to the school on the floor unconscious due to the smell and heat. Cruz’s pants and boxers reduced to tears of fabric and his bare butt hanging out. “Uhh maybe I should cut down on the protein” as he wafts the air behind his ass.

[smellystars]

Trailblazing

Credit: @theleomarspt2

“He looks so perfect” I thought to myself as I looked at him

Sebastian and I have become incredibly close over the time I started working in the chemistry department. I was just an undergrad trying to get some experience under my belt and maybe make some money on the side. Sebastian, on the other hand, was a pretty well-rounded PhD student. He was making a good living with his research and teaching, and was pretty well liked within the faculty. And yet, somehow, he decided to ask me out. Of all people that fawned over him this confident stud decided to ask me if I would be down to go on a hike with him.

“how you feelin’?” He asked, the sweat making his biceps glisten.

“Good…” I said, the puffing in my breath betraying and showing how out of shape I truly am.

“Haha wanna rest for a bit?”

I sighed, threw my bag on the ground and proceeded to simply drop onto the floor. After catching my breath and taking a swig of water I took a second to look at the scenery. It was gorgeous, we were not too far from a small stream with a very slow flow.

“Hey, you want to see something cool?” Sebastian asks.

“Sure” I answered. Sebestian’s face lights up with glee as he starts to move towards the stream. Reaching the stream he squats, the water grazing his cheeks. “Ready” he asks with a smile. “Yea……” before I could even finish the word an ear ringing sound exploded from Sebastian.

PPPPPPPPPPHHHHHHHRRBBBBBBBTTTTTT

The once slowly moving stream began to fill with bubbles, Sebastian creating his own personal hot tub. Thou a bit away I could feel the vibration of his gas causing small pebbles and stones to jump around. I watched as the stream began to shrink slowly drying out with his minute long quake. The stream now nothing but a barren ditch, no water to be found.

“Did you see that? Impressive right?” Sebastian asked with a hearty smile. I stood up, amazed at what I had just witnessed. “Wow, I’ve never witnessed something like that.” I said. “How can such a hot guy rip ass that strong”, is all I thought to myself as I watch Sebastian flex in the dried stream. He takes a step out raises a leg and let’s rip another loud but shorter fart.

FFFFFFFRRRRRRPPTTT

“Sorry when the gate opens it’s hard to close.”

“Seb how is that possible?”

The proud smirk morphed into a puzzled face at first, but his confidence came back as he smiled.

“You got a superhuman boyfriend, promise I will keep you safe though” He said, with the charming deep voice I was so in love with.

We continued to walk for about 20 minutes, talking about the chemistry department and what each of us were doing in our program. As we walked, Sebastian was ripping burps and farts throughout but seemingly holding back. I am not sure if I should be thankful or not. On the one hand I am in love with how manly he is, his huge biceps, his dark beard, to have a man capable of such destruction was quite a dream when I think about it. And yet, in reality, it was intimidating to think that one fart from him was capable of dying up a creek. Would we be able to share a living space? What if one night he farted strongly enough it shattered the windows? What if nightly the bedsheets flew away from his farts? I guess I was lost in my thoughts and wandered ahead a little bit.

Fffffffffffffaaaaaaaauuuuuuurrrrrppppppppptttttttttt

A loud fart took me out of my trance. I turned to see Sebastian bending over few feet behind me. Though the I turned around within the first few seconds of the fart, Sebastian seemed to want to make it a point how strong he was as he let the fart rip for a little over forty seconds. As the fart went on the leaves behind him were blown, and the pungent smell, something akin to spoiled beans, seemed to envelope us, some birds even beginning to fly away to escape.

“Now don’t go leaving me behind again” He warned with a sweet smile, as he trotted to catch up to me.

He took my hand and said “Hey, I have a little surprise for you. There’s a clearing a bit off the path ahead, we are so close let’s go”.

We walked over about two hundred feet till we reached the clearing. He let go of my hand, threw his backpack on the ground and kneeled. He took a picnic blanket out of his backpack, a couple of beers and he sat down with his muscular legs extended.

“Come on” he said “the ground is comfy I promise”

I followed his lead and laid next to him, he passed me a beer. We started drinking and talking, he would start burping after every swing too, and I think he noticed how excited it got me cause they only started getting louder.

“So…. what’s the surprise?” I asked

“Two in one deal actually” And saying that, he raised his knee to his chest and winked.

PPBBBBPBRRRRBBBTT

“For one I wanna give you a little test you see” He said as his fart made the blanket flutter and the ground shake enough for me to feel it. He proceeds to lead to his left, his round ass facing me now.

BBRPBPBRRBAAPPRTT

“You see you caught my eye since I first saw you walk into the chem department” His fart was strong enough to push back my hair. The smell hit me instantly and I started coughing.

PPPBBPBPBPPB

“I mean look at you pretty boy, you got an angelic face and a cute slender body” Though shorter, this fart packed a punch, enough that it pushed me back a bit. I could also see a cloud of dust and leaves forming as the winds kicked them off the ground. I ended up lying face up, eyes closed at first, but when I opened them I saw Sebastian standing over me. He squats, crotch to bring his face close to mine, a grin drawing across his face.

PPMPMPRRTT

“And I know you like me too, have watched how you watch me” He said flexing. It felt as though I was laying right next to a radiator. “But pretty boys like you can’t handle dating a human with superfarts” He said “You though, you are holding just fine”.

FFPBRRHHTT

He let out one last fart before he stood back up and extended a hand out to me. Coughing, I took it and proceeded to stand up with shaking legs.

“Well you passed your surprise test, and with extra credit too” Said Sebastian as he pointed to my crotch, which betrayed me as it showed my excitement. “So it’s time for your second surprise”. He grabbed my hands into his and looked me in the eyes.

“Know you know what my farts can do….. You still want to go out with me?”

I took a deep breath, his still lingering gas burning my lungs. Through the coughing fit and red eyes I gave my answer.

“Yes. Your volume of gas will take some getting used to but why would I ever give up this opportunity.”

Sebastian brimming with joy, says on thing, “to commemorate this occasion I’ll show you something extra special.” He takes a few steps away and lays on his stomach arching his back, his butt aiming towards to sky.

“I don’t want any clouds, ruining our first pic together.” And with that the loudest and strongest fart I ever experienced erupted out of Sebastian. The trees closest to us bend either their leaves getting ripped off the branches blown in his foul winds. Animals the vacuity scattering from fear of being enveloped by the stink cloud. A force so strong that trees a mile sway from his winds. I look up to see the few clouds in the sky swirly break apart and dissipate into the atmosphere.

Sebastian gets up with a sigh of relief, “ahh, okay let’s take a picture.”

I walk towards him my eyes beginning watering, I steel myself accepting that this is going to be my life from now on. A smile forming on my face. I reach Sebastian and hug him taking a picture in-front of the clear sky.

“I couldn’t be happier”