#i hate february

[rubtsova7543]

Sharing a dream

[philhoffman]

[bloodyaidoru]

I guess I'll spend the whole weekend playing the entirety of Silent Hill f. for the third time......

[gabioka]

i can’t kill myself, killing myself is the self killer . and we don’t want that

[monsterswithinme]

i just want to sit down and/or lie down in bed and cry

[alifeasvivid]

*lies face down on the floor* just gotta get through the end of this month without blowing up any of my relationships.... come on, man, you can do it.....

[petruchio]

i should be asleep rn but if i stop looking at my phone and close my eyes i run the risk of feeling an emotion and im just not in that kind of place rn

[inkskinned]

I'm still trying, but I'm tired. It comes and goes. I have my life, round and eager; I have my past, rotting, manic, full of malice. The present is a ruined watercolor; I go to parties but stay in corners feeling weirdly out of place, I find anxiety halfway through sleep, I go to concerts only to spend the whole time thinking about other things.

I want to be happy! I'm bitter I can't be. I'm bitter about all it is threatening to take from me. About all it has already taken. About all I could have been.

I have worked myself into a rawness! I put myself through my paces! Did the meditation or the medication or the constant self- adjustment. Did the apologizing and reintegration and making sure it doesn't happen again. Journalled and crafted and came clean and started over and over and over and over until I was no longer sure what was me and what was the starting.

But I wake up sometimes and it is waking up empty. After all I poured in there. After all I gave the beast. I wake up and it's still hungry.

Okay. Okay.

Okay.

Let's keep going.