everytime artfight comes around i come face to face with my biggest frustration... i hate having aphantasia so much..
its not that character design is any of an issue, actually thats the least of my worries, im quite happy with how my characters look... like very happy ... and I am confident in how I draw expressions, and there really isn't anything thats visually lacking about any of them.
its just that I can't feel attached to ANY of them. I may regard a few as a gem amongst the others but it's incredibly surface level.. I can't imagine them existing in my mind, which makes enjoying them so much harder. I have written short stories of my characters, that have been received with more love than I could've predicted, but .. it's still super lackluster for me. At times it makes me feel like I don't know anything about the world at all, simply because I cannot construct a world for them in my mind. A world that I can see for myself.
However I would like to make a distinction, I don't suck at worldbuilding or atmosphere, all I lack is the personal enjoyment of just sitting around daydreaming about the characters. And since we can't spend all our time writing, drawing comics, creating in general... I find no leisure in something I want to enjoy so bad!
So whenever artfight comes around I feel completely dissatisfied everytime I upload any of my characters. I spent so much time making their designs and references, but ... at this point I think I'm going in circles.
I feel the only reason this haunts me is because I didn't always have aphantasia.. I lost my ability when I was 12.. I can't help but ruminate about how much more fun it would all be if my brain didn't decide to shut off a part of itself.
but ~ i think it might be why I enjoy making art for others so much. sometimes I feel bad participating in artfight because of my own feelings towards my work, I STILL LOVE ALL THE ART OF COURSE..Help.. bu yeah. Hello