You know apparently as a child I really had a thing for those almost angelic fairies and then I traded them out for dragons and demons.
And I understand that I did that because dragons and demons were big scary powerful things that I wanted to borrow the power of since I myself was weak and helpless and alone feeling in the face of my peers. And I just kinda look back at it now and wonder what would I be like if I had kept to the fey.
Like I internalized that the fey were soft and feminine and therefore “weak” and “vulnerable” things. I took to dragons and demons because they put people off. The could scare or unnerve people around me. I could manage monsters, I was in charge, I had that power over them. Power by association right? And now here I am all these years later with my insecurities and my discomfort with my own femininity and I just... Can’t help but wonder what would be different if I had chosen the other side of the coin and embraced the fey and their strengths and their powers.
It does not change what happened, but understanding the alternative path my life might have taken helps me rationalize and find understanding and comfort for incorporating it at this stage in my life. I mean... perhaps I should be trying to base it more off of a sort of the transformation from dragon to fey, but honestly I feel more like it’s been beside me quietly waiting and I’d like to see things from that point of view to pick up with it more as an old friend than a new acquisition.
