the air smells like stale cigarettes, but the van is the safest place they could find. ben sits across from pete, but the van is so small and his legs are so long that he has to sit cross legged. pete massages his leg, probably trying to get feeling back in it - lee had mentioned his arm going numb before christa cut it off, and when it doesn't seem to be working he looks up at ben.
'well if this isn't ironic,' pete says with a grimace. ben doesn't smile, just stares at him and his leg and wonders what exactly they can do. so he asks. 'hand me that handsaw next to you, there.' ben does and scrambles away when pete sets it above his ankle.
it's lee all over again. people cutting off limbs, trying to save themselves. ben remembers how much lee and mr. parker screamed. he doesn't think he has it in him to watch it again, so he places his hands over his ears and closes his eyes.
pete nudges his leg with the handsaw not a minute later, shrugging when ben looks at pete's foot, still attached.
'can't do it,' he says. 'i'd just bleed out anyway. and no offense, kid, i don't think you could carry me all the way back to carlos like this.'
'maybe,' ben starts, throat tightening. 'maybe i can find something here to help.'
even as he searches the front of the van, he can hear pete wheezing behind him. and, of course, there's nothing useful in the van at all, probably ransacked days or months or years ago, leaving only boxes of cigarettes and a handsaw behind. ben sits in the driver's seat and turns the keys in the ignition. whoever raided the thing even stripped it of gas, and the engine makes a noise similar to pete behind him. the dull thuds of the walkers punching the van moves from the back to the front, though, he notices.
'there's nothing here,' ben says, returning to sit near pete. he keeps his distance and puts his back to the front of the van.
pete sighs and swallows heavily. 'give me one of those in there,' pete says. he gestures toward the box of cigarettes, and ben complies, though not a fan of the smell. pete lights one of the cigarettes and, lifting himself up slightly, removes the pistol from the back of his jeans and hands it to ben. 'just in case.'
ben keeps it near, for once comforted by the feel of a gun under his hand, and dozes off to the smell of cigarette smoke.
he wakes to a hacking cough and pete leaned over, breathing even more heavily than before. ben slowly lifts himself up, careful not to make a sound, and keeps pete's gun close as he approaches him. in what little light he has left, ben can see the paleness in pete's skin and the dark, sunken holes under his eyes.
pete rights himself faster than ben expects, and when ben jumps backwards pete lets out a weak laugh. 'i'm not going to make it,' pete says, though it's been obvious to them both from the start. 'but you've got to get out of here.'
ben helps pete stand, and he can feel the heat off pete's body even through his jacket. 'what about nick?'
pete shakes his head. 'i can't let that kid see another one of his family like this. can't - can't let him kill another one of his family.' pete steps around him and makes his way to the front on shaking legs. even after just the short distance, pete sighs in relief when he sits in the driver's seat.
ben stands awkwardly, pete's gun heavy in his hands, and doesn't ask what he means. the engine lets out a desperate whine when pete turns the keys. 'i'm sorry,' ben says.
pete shakes his head again, slower this time. 'just look after nick for me. kid's - kid's gonna need it. and do me... one last favor?'
'yeah, anything you need.'
'i don't want to become one of those things. don't... want to bite someone else, put someone else through this.' he notices ben hesitate. 'please, ben.'
ben nods stiffly. he's lee and kenny in the meat locker, larry's life in their hands. he's kenny standing over himself in the alley, walkers closing in as he begs to die. he's clementine in the jewelry store.
pete revs the engine again until they can see the walkers attempting to crawl over the hood of the van. ben puts one hand on the latch on the van door and looks back.
ben squeezes the trigger, pushes the door open, and runs.
