#i'mgoingtodoit

[lukutoukka]

I just totally

WROTE THE END OF MY BOOK! YAY! I KNOW HOW IT'S GOING TO END!

now I have to write the rest of the book...like i have the beginning, some middle ish stuff and the end....

and personally love the cliff hanger!!!

so far...because i'm writing a little longer but again so far....

30,004/50,000 words!

[low-red-moon]

Now realizing what i did wrong. I'm sorry i'm such a jealous person. I should leave you alone and never talk to you again. I should erase everything that has happened between me and you from my memory. I should let you live your life without me. You deserve to be happy. I want you to make friends. I want you to not feel bad for making friends. I was just so ignorant and thought that you didn't want me. I let my insecurities get in the way of us. I'm the reason we were always fighting. Almost every fight was because of me. All because i thought you didn't want me and you wanted all these other girls you were friends with. You weren't the one putting distance between us. It was me. All the stuff i blamed you for was me. I'm the only one that ever did something wrong. I'm so sorry that i was too dumb to see that i was ruining things between us. I'm sorry that i have to live with myself. I hate that i hate myself so much. I hate that everyday i get a reason why i SHOULD kill myself. I hate that i have so much terrible shit going on in my life. I'm only 15 i should be happy with my life. I shouldn't have to deal with the stuff that i've dealt with. I'm guess that's why people think i'm "strong" No i'm not thinking this because of the problems i have with you. I'm thinking all this because i know that i don't want to be alive to deal with my problems like normal people do. I hate that throughout all the bad things that have happened to me that i haven't allowed myself to fully heal. I have hundreds of tiny holes in my heart and my soul and they multiply ever day. Most of all i hate myself.