Now, under the leadership of Khan Samuel (seriously, what the fuck kind of name is that for a badass barbarian warlord?), the Bulgars were more powerful than ever, and they were having a tremendous time fucking laughing it up while attacking Byzantine towns and capturing all their land and valuables. This sort of was a problem for Basil the Bulgar-Slayer. So he took an army of six thousand men and marched them straight into Bulgar lands to give them a little scientific demonstration of exactly how far a man can fit his head inside his own anus. As you probably guessed, Emperor Basil the Bulgar-Slayer met the enemy head-on in battle, screaming like a madman, charging emphatically towards his foes with a shimmering sword in one hand and a murderous hatred in his eyes, and got the fucking shit kicked out of him.
--Badass of the Week