#i. about.

[naivelost]

The world gets a little heavier in winter. Perhaps it’s the short, dim days, or just the way his brain works. The tug of guilt in his stomach for not increasing his medication dose. Weight gain and professional ballet don’t exactly go hand in hand, despite people laughing and saying Oh, I eat anything, over and over again. No doubt it’s his own fault. It usually is. 

Everything gets harder. Get out of bed. Walk to the bathroom. Take off your clothes. Get in the shower. Wash your hair. Wash your body. Dry your body. Try not to look in the mirror. One-and-a-half days out of seven to breathe that become nothing but bed sheets ( that probably need changing ). 56 unread emails. 9 unread texts. 

People think he’s busy. Mr Friendly, Mr Popular. Sometimes he never hears from them again, but it’s hard to tell who will leave and who only likes him when he’s loud, turned up too high. An hour becomes a day, a day a week. The head of lettuce in the fridge is two weeks old. But he manages, just about. He gets to work. He replies to his brother so he knows he’s alive. He only almost hurts himself.

Snow is fun and exciting but when walked over quick to turn to sludge, grey, ugly and in everyone’s way. Ben doesn’t want to be that snow.

[51163-archive]

 *     HEADCANONS    &    META   GAMES        /                 CHARACTER   AESTHETICS .

—     body .         long  legs ,      short  legs ,     AVERAGE  LEGS ,     slender  thighs ,     thick  thighs ,     MUSCULAR  THIGHS ,     skinny  arms ,     soft  arms ,     MUSCULAR  ARMS ,     TONED  STOMACH ,    flat  stomach ,     flabby  stomach ,     soft  stomach ,     SIX PACK ,     beer  belly ,     LEAN  FRAME ,     slender  frame ,     MUSCULAR FRAME ,    voluptuous  frame ,     petite  frame ,     lanky  frame ,     SHORT NAILS ,     long  nails ,     manicured - clean  nails ,    dirty  nails ,     flat  butt ,     TONED  BUTT ,     bubble  butt ,    thick  butt ,     small  waist ,     thick  waist ,     narrow  hips ,     AVERAGE  HIPS ,     wide  hips ,     big  feet ,     AVERAGE  FEET ,    small  feet ,   soft  feet ,     slender  feet ,     calloused  feet ,     CALLOUSED  HANDS ,     soft  hands ,     big  hands ,     average  hands ,     small  hands ,     LONG  FINGERS ,     short   fingers ,     average   fingers ,     BROAD  SHOULDERS ,     underweight ,    AVERAGE  WEIGHT ,    overweight .

—     height .         shorter  than  140  cm ,     141  cm   -   150  cm ,     151  cm   -   160  cm,     161  cm   -   170  cm ,     171  CM   -   180  CM ,     181  cm   -   190  cm ,     191  cm   -   2 m ,     taller  than  2  m .

—     skin .       pale ,     FAIR ,     rosy ,     olive ,    dark ,     tanned ,     blotchy ,     SMOOTH ,     acne ,     dry ,     greasy ,     FRECKLED ,     scarred .

—     eyes .      small ,     large ,     AVERAGE ,     grey ,     brown ,     black ,     BLUE ,     red ,    green ,     gold ,     amber ,     hazel ,     violet ,     doe - eyed ,     ALMOND ,     wide - set ,    squinty ,     monolid ,     heavy  eyelids ,     upturned ,     DOWNTURNED .

—     hair .       thin ,   THICK ,     fine ,     normal ,     greasy ,     dry ,     SOFT,     SHINY ,     SCRUFFY ,     frizzy ,     curly ,     kinky ,     wild ,     unruly ,     straight ,     SMOOTH ,     WAVY ,     floppy ,    cropped ,     pixie - cut ,     bald ,     jaw  length ,     vermilion ,     mohawk ,     white ,    platinum  blonde ,     golden  blonde ,     dirty  blonge ,     ombre ,     light  brown ,     mouse  brown ,     CHESTNUT  BROWN ,     golden  brown ,     CHOCOLATE  BROWN ,     dark brown ,     jet  black ,     ginger ,     grey ,     auburn ,     dyed  red ,     dyed  any  ‘unnatural’  color ,    streaked ,     thin  eyebrows ,     AVERAGE  EYEBROWS ,   thick  eyebrows .

—     tattoos      &      piercings .  full  sleeve ,     thigh  tattoo ,     shin  tattoo ,    wrist  tattoo ,     lower  back  tattoo ,     hand     /     finger  tattoo ,     foot  tattoo ,     neck  tattoo ,     face  tattoo ,     chest  tattoo ,     ONE  TATTOO ,    a  few  here  &  there ,    multiple ,     no   tattoo ,     monroe  piercing ,    nose piercing ,    septum ,    nipple  piercing,    genital  piercing ,   industrial  piercings ,     earlobe  piercing ,    prince  albert piercing ,     eyebrow  piercing ,     tongue  piercing ,     lip piercing ,    tragus  piercing ,     angel  bites ,    stretched  out  ears ,    navel  piercing ,     inverse  navel  piercing ,     cheek piercing ,     smiley ,     nape  piercing ,   NO  PIERCINGS .

—     cosmetics .         light  eyeliner ,     cat  eyes ,     mascara ,     fake eyelashes ,  matte  lipstick ,     regular  lipstick ,     lip  gloss ,     red  lips ,     pink  lips ,     bronzer ,    highlighter ,     eyeshadow ,     neutral  eyeshadow ,     smoky  eyes ,     colorful  eyeshadow ,     blush ,     lip  liner ,     light  contouring ,     heavy  contouring ,     powder ,     matte  foundation ,     shiny foundation ,     concealer ,     wears  make - up  regularly ,     wears  make - up  from  time - time ,     NEVER  WEARS  MAKE - UP .

—   scent .       floral ,     perfumes ,     AFTERSHAVE ,     cocoa ,     moisturizer ,     NATURAL  SOAP ,     SHAMPOO ,     cigarettes ,     LEATHER ,     sweat ,     food ,     incense ,    marijuana ,     cheap  deodorant ,     cologne ,   whiskey ,     wine ,      fried  food ,     blood ,     fire ,    metal ,     rain ,     grass ,     ocean ,     autumn  leaves ,     baked  bread ,     freshly  baked  cookies ,    smoke ,     campfire ,     lavender ,      trees ,     pumpkin  pie ,     musk ,     rose ,     gingerbread ,     peppermint ,     OAK ,     honey ,     lemon ,     VANILLA ,   COFFEE ,     mint ,     raw  hide ,     chemicals .

—     clothes .         JEANS ,     TIGHT  PANTS ,     knee - high  socks ,     tights ,    leggings ,     yoga  pants ,     pencil  skirt ,     tight  skirt ,     loose  skirt ,     tight     /     formfitting  dress ,    cardigans ,     blouse ,     BUTTON  UP  SHIRT ,     band  t - shirt ,     sports  t - shirt ,     SWEATPANTS ,     tank  top ,     cut  off  t - shirt ,     designer ,     high  street ,    online  stores ,     thrift ,     lingerie ,     long  skirt ,     miniskirt ,     maxidress ,     sun dress ,     tie ,     tuxedo ,     cocktail  dress ,     high  slit   dress     /     skirt ,     T - SHIRT ,     LOOSE  CLOTHING ,     TIGHT  CLOTHING ,    jean  shorts ,     SWEATER ,     sweater  vest ,     khaki  pants ,     suit ,     HOODIE ,     harem  pants ,     basketball  shorts ,     boxers ,     BOXER - BRIEFS ,     briefs ,     thong ,     hot  pants ,     hipster  panties ,     bra ,     sports  bra ,     crop  top  -  football   based ,     corset ,     ballerina  skirt ,     leotard ,     polka  dot ,     stripes ,     glitter ,     silk ,     lace ,    leather ,     velvet ,     chemise ,     patterns ,     florals ,     neon  colors ,     pastels ,     plaid ,     BLACK ,    DARK   COLORS ,     fur ,     faux  fur .

—   shoes .         SNEAKERS ,     SLIP - ONS ,     ATHLETIC  SLIDES ,     slippers ,     sandals ,    high  heels ,     kitten  heels ,     ankle  boots ,     combat  boots ,   BOOTS ,     cowboy  boots ,     knee - high ,     platforms ,     stripper  heels ,    BARE  FEET ,     loafers .

TAGGED BY .          @hearthaunts  !! TAGGING .         @hrvyk ,   @asperad ,   @explur ,   @surviveir  (  on  anyone  you  chose !  ) ,   @winchestred ,   @servivals  (  wherever  u  are  ) ,   @heistcraft ,   @brutlist ,   @horrorbled ,   @armyhoned  !!

[naivelost]

Even when he doesn’t have plans, Ben likes using Halloween as a reason to get dressed up, as it’s not something he’s super comfortable doing just because he enjoys to. Last year he was Morticia Addams, and this year he wants to try being Lust from Fullmetal Alchemist. For work, he probably wears something more goofy to dance in, like his Stitch onesie. But he’d love to do matching costumes with someone.

[naivelost]

▌real name: benjamin isaac andersen. ▌single or taken: single. very single. ▌abilities or powers: ben’s been doing ballet since he was four, and dances professionally. he’s had his ups and downs, but that comes with good physical fitness. he plays it down, but he is intelligent academically. he’s a good baker, but that’s down to ingrid. he has the power of LOVING, okay. ▌eye colour: brown. ▌hair colour: black. it started greying in ben’s teen years, but he frequently dyes it. ▌family members: two parents and three siblings, one deceased. after that, lets just say he has a big family with lots of cousins on his father’s side. ▌pets: bilbo the cat. he’s very orange, large and grumpy. his brother alex got him from a shelter as a kitten as a gift after ben’s first long hospital stay. he loves him very much and calls him variations of bastard and bilbo b. andersen when he’s naughty. ▌something they don’t like: people who think being mean and cynical about everything makes them smarter/better than others. ▌hobbies/activities: reading, ballet, obviously. but he does enjoy other styles of dance, including ones popular in past eras. going to the gym is more of a habit. writing fanfiction, baking. sewing, which is useful for work, cosplay and helps with enjoying vintage style clothes. rock climbing, dnd. he doesn’t like running, but he does it to let off steam.  ▌ever hurt anyone before: sure. who hasn’t? ▌ever killed anyone before: just bugs whilst in a very panicked state. ▌animal that represents them: capybaras. rabbits that thump their feet when they don’t get attention. the skunk in bambi.  ▌worst habits: being so very STUBBORN. repressing everything deemed negative, which pushes people away ( reinforcing negative self beliefs ) and can hurt them. self-destructive behaviour due to those and also his eating disorder. self harm. using casual sex as a coping method. buying too many cat or lotr themed things for his apartment.  ▌role models: his big brother’s selflessness. many, many ballet dancers. a teacher or two he remembers fondly. his close friend natalie’s sharp wit and intelligence.  ▌sexual orientation: gay. ▌thoughts on marriage/kids: he’d love them. ben’s very family orientated, and idealistically romantic. he loves children and enjoys getting to teach them and dotes on his niece and nephew. but given his history with romantic interpersonal relationships, it probably isn’t likely. not at all, in his eyes.  ▌fears: the mortifying ordeal of being known without the rewards of being loved. the pressure of never achieving. ben has a phobia of thunder, which can cause him to be unsettled by weather predictions that could lead to a storm. shouting and physical confrontation can trigger a panic response. spiders. ▌style preferences: ben’s pretty much always wearing a jumper, mom jeans and docs. a lot of that is to do with needing to feel a little covered due to body image issues. but he does like dressing fancy sometimes. he also really likes vintage-inspired fashion from the 20s-40s eras, and going to events themed on dressing like that and usually dancing. ▌someone they love: his brother alex. his mother.  ▌approach to friendships: ben will mother you pretty quickly. he’s just naturally caring, which realistically can be very off-putting for some people. chill! but he believes that loving people is healing, and everyone needs that. even jerks. ▌thoughts on pie: not a dish he grew up with, but hey, if it’s sweet and baked he’s in. if a variation is your favourite food he’ll learn how to make it for you. because he loves you but also wants praise. ▌favourite drink: tea, those very sickly ott drinks that are mostly dessert. i know. ▌favourite place to spend time at: his cramped but cozy apartment, university libraries, cute cafés, any open fields/woodland areas. said vintage themed events. sometimes a con. #nerd. ▌swim in the lake or in the ocean: both is good. ▌their type: people that don’t like him back. [ba dum tsh] people that can make him laugh. and probably infuriate him a little.  ▌camping or indoors: ... ben loves the outdoors, but growing up in rainy wales, perhaps not camping. 

tagged by: @futurehalted 😘 tagging: @inkspattcr @bellespiriit ( anyone you want ! ), @mxnthly ( anyone if u fancy ! ), @onactors, @popcultureliestoyou, @sharkapologlst & any1 who wants to say i tagged you !

[naivelost]

baby!ben’s totally been nervous enough on stage to do this. 

[naivelost]

Sometimes I don’t want to write things about Ben ( i.e. his issues with jealousy, how he can potentially hurt others ) because I want him to be appealing. But I think I have to come clean and say... he’s the type to put sugar ( sweeteners, but still ) in tea. Milky tea. 

[naivelost]

Ben... doesn't really cook. It's not that he can't, but he's not super familiar with it and really doesn't put any effort into making time for it like baking. Baking is something he's done with his Bubbe since childhood, and Ben gives 95% of what he makes to people. He views cooking more just as feeding himself, something he already has a complicated relationship with.

 Also, it's just time. When he's working Ben's up very early and sometimes not back until late. And dancing is tiring. His diet mostly consists of instant foods and "healthy" microwave meals. Or things he doesn't have to put lots of effort into, like oats and fruit. It's a bit dire, especially when he probably gives the opposite impression with all the food he'll give away.

Also, I know his fc isn't often wearing them, but Ben needs to wear his glasses 24/7. He has contacts for shows ( and like, maybe dates ) but other than that, he's wearing them. No, he can't see very well without them. If he starts wearing contacts more around your muse, he might be trying to seem more attractive. He thinks his glasses make him look like a mole. With glasses. Don’t ask.