#i_amclandestine

[lososnanereste]

[woulddie4u]

really good awful pictures of 2004/5 ryan ross

bonus:

[woulddie4u]

i still hope you’d haunt the passenger seat, if that was the only way i could keep your company. no matter how veiled or murderous your intent. those scarlet lines in your hair will mark every scar that spoils my appearance. keeping this cavalier is possible: possible like putting a bandaid on a bullet wound and not bleeding to death. laid to waste but im still “your favorite” i’ve paged books in dusted cries for attention. sweetheart break my spine I’ll spill my insides and hope my blood will stain and soak in more than I did. put me in parenthesis and make me implied so my name can slip from your lips when mentioned. replace the letters change your sheets (but compare me with all the new boys you meet).

[woulddie4u]

Thu, Mar 9 2006 I want to be a lion, everybody wants to pass as cats. yea we all want to be big big stars, but then we have second thoughts about that. I don’t always deal with things the best way, and in order to try and slow my life down I disappear every now and then. so believe in me, because i don’t believe in anything. when everybody loves you, you can never be lonely. sometimes, sometimes it’s not that easy. I have this pocket watch, and I spin the hands around and around just to pretend I have control of things. a month away. we can play normal for a few days. starcrossedlovers.

[woulddie4u]

Sun, Jul 3 2005 as soon as i start being kind of okay she realizes im the best fucking thing that ever happened to her. go figure.to late honey. i am heaven sent, don’t you dare forget. i am all you’ve ever wanted.what all the other boys all promised.

[woulddie4u]

Sat, May 7 2005 “You got a new friend, now I’m the odd man gone. You got a new friend. You got a new friend, I know. And your mom’s got you convinced that he’s the one. He’s all you need, so forget me – marry him at once. But if you ever change your mind… I could still buy that box of wine. I still have your copy of Harold and Maude. But you got a new friend. Yeah, you got a new friend” i’ve been weaving you a playlist, if you put together all the lyrics from these past few entries, you’ll see.you’ll see. “i’ll write the album of the year, and i know she’ll love me then. i swear to god she did its the way she’d bite my lower lip and push her hips against my hips and dig her nails deep into my skin.” i’m in a slump.

[pathetic-at-the-disco]

The Many Faces of Ryan Ross, Day 231: “The Most Emo”

[pathetic-at-the-disco]

What Really Happened in Myrtle Beach...

It was late June in 2006. Panic! at the Disco were on their first headlining tour, which was quickly becoming even more of a success than anyone had expected. Brent Wilson was finally out of the band and had been replaced with the actually talented Jon Walker, and everything was going great.

Except for Ryan Ross, who recently broke up with Jac Vanek and was still feeling lonely and sad about how it all turned out. In true Ryan fashion, he tried to throw himself back into the game and rebound with someone he was “justfriends” with. (It’s unclear who, but there’s no more reason to believe it was Brendon than Jon, Spencer, Greta from the Hush Sound, one of the backup dancers, a fan, or literally anyone else on the planet.)

The band had a show in Lake Buena Vista, Florida (their third Florida show in as many nights) on June 23, 2006. And... things apparently got a little wild that evening after the concert.

After midnight, one of the backup dancers named Dream posted this on her Livejournal:

Sat, June 24th, 2006

It’s our last night in Florida and let me tell you… this finally turned into a crazy rock tour… lots of shenanigans happened tonight… but I’ll save this story for the memoirs! Every night I stand on stage and tell the crowd that Brendon is a virgin… let’s just put it this way… it ain’t true!!!! 

This information is unsurprising, since Brendon was already partying heavily after shows during this tour. This was to the exasperation of his other bandmates, who did not drink or otherwise involve themselves in the party scene. It’s likely that Ryan, Spencer, and Jon weren’t even privy to what inspired Dream’s post in the first place.

Ryan Ross, for example, was spending his evening with someone. And that night, Ryan, known as i_amclandestine on Livejournal, also wrote a post:

Sat, June 24th, 2006

I’m the ghost in the bed.you can touch because i can’t rest. and the lights are always off so I can mold you in the dark.i can shape and pretend.”i just want to have a good time, just like everybody else, but i don’t want to fall apart”

The quoted part is a reference to the lyrics of “Good Time” by Counting Crows, a morose song about wanting to be closer to a romantic partner.

Clearly, whoever Ryan was with that night was making him more upset than anything. He was trying to lose himself in someone, hoping to forget his problems, and realizing that it wasn’t working.

The tour went on, though. Everyone piled back onto the bus and drove to their next gig, which was scheduled for that night at the House of Blues in Myrtle Beach, South Carolina (pictured below).

The show went off without a hitch, and everyone was in a fantastic mood. The band even signed some autographs and let the fans take pictures of them after the concert (note the House of Blues sign and the building’s distinctive facade in several of the photographs).

And shortly after this, the members of Panic! at the Disco and the Hush Sound, in addition to their dancers and crew members, were feeling so good that they decided to walk a mile to the beach and go swimming in the ocean, followed by more shenanigans.

This experience was immortalized in an interview with Greta from the Hush Sound:

Q: Tell us about your craziest touring experience. 

A: On the 2006 Panic Tour, we played the House of Blues in Myrtle Beach [JUNE 24TH]. After the show, most of the bands and crew walked a mile to the beach and, having not brought our swimsuits, decided to swim in underwear or totally nude. Bob and I opted to skinny dip and, at one point, he was trying to get back to the shore but the waves were crashing over him and he was gasping for breath. I yelled to him, 'Bob, are you going to live? As much as I want to help you, we are both naked so I can't.' (Would have been far too awkward). Thankfully, he survived in one glorious piece.

This sequence of events was also referenced in another Livejournal post from Dream:

Sun, June 25, 2006

Last night we played in Myrtle Beach, NC… I’ve always wanted to go to Myrtle Beach so it was fun to finally get there and to do it in such a special way. The girls we meet at the show were amazing. They were so spirited and friendly. They were fun.

After the show Greta and I, she’s the lead singer and from the The Hush Sound (the band we’re on tour with and in love with…!) well we decided we wanted to go for a midnight skinny dip in the ocean after the show and in the end more then 20 of us made the mile hike to the beach, stripped down and dove in! it was magical under the stars and moody clouds above. After about an hour splashing and riding the waves we all broke into the pool and hot tub of the condo up the beach to wash the salt away and laugh at our genius of managing to sneak so many crazies into this spa without being caught… just as the security arrived and we all scattered like geese! It was a fun night.

At around 4:30 in the morning, Ryan also made a Livejournal post (his last, in fact). It’s notorious in the fandom and everyone has read it, but here it is again:

Sun, June 25, 2006

The moon bred new Atlantic life tonight.the salt burned you right out of my eyes.and secrets we’re not proud of were taken with the tide. We were all newborns with blurred vision and no sense of direction.

Today I saw cancer, cigarettes and shortness of breath.

this is why I walk to the ocean.swim with jellyfish.I may never get this chance again.

this is why if you want to kiss you should kiss.

If you want to cry you should cry, and

if you want to live you should live.

You don’t have to love me. You already did. At least enough to keep me smiling from South Carolina to Virginia.it’s for lovers (orjustfriends)

This is why I do it.

Clearly, Ryan was feeling better than he had the previous night. Whatever happened in Myrtle Beach was enough to make his outlook on life a little more optimistic, at least for a night.

It is imperative to point out again that there’s no reason to assume it was about Brendon (who also had an active Livejournal account at this time and didn’t post at all about Myrtle Beach or Florida. If it was about him and was apparently so special and romantic, don’t you think he would have said something?). We don’t know who Ryan wrote this about, but that doesn’t make his poem any less meaningful or beautiful.

Basically, the lesson to be learned here is that even though it theoretically could have been about Brendon or Jon or Dream or a fan or whomever (as none of these can be proven or disproven), at the end of the day it’s foolish to attach it to a specific person without proof. The world will probably never know who Ryan’s rebound was, and that’s fine!

Assuming that it automatically points to Ryden is confirmation bias, which is not actually a valid reason for believing something. (I know, shocking.) You may as well say that Ryan was definitely having an intense affair with Spencer. Or Brent. There’s as much evidence.

Thank you to @future4angelz for requesting this post! It’s a bit tricky to specifically disprove the Ryden conspiracies because so much is unknown here, but I hope I did well enough at convincing people not to read too much into things. (Also, most people think Dream’s post from the 24th is about Myrtle Beach, even though she says they’re in Florida. Use your critical thinking skills, everyone!) :)

~Mod C

P.S. We don’t ship Ryden. Just thought I’d clear that up one more time for the people in the back, haha.