evaluating emotions.
i am realizing that lately my emotions have actually been so neutral. but there are moments that stand out.
1. probably level 7 anger/frustration because...s wanted to do stuff with me but it didn’t work out. disappointment in the decisions that i make...choosing to spend time with people who didn’t give me what i wanted (to feel wanted/belonged) than with someone who could have given me that
- literally...arrows pointing at me always...maximum pleasure seeking. and disappointment and negative emotions when that isn’t achieved for myself. i didn’t have as much of a good time than i thought i would with group A compared to maybe what i could have (coulda woulda shoulda’s are the worst) s. then i blame s when it was really my fault. i am actually evil.
2. level 8 anger/frustration...after watching Spiderman Far From Home because of betrayal and deception. -spoilers ahead-
- lies and deception are two things that make me want to punch a stuffed animal until all the fluffies are starting to come out HAHA. why?...because that person was trusted...that person made themselves trusted actually only to use other people for self gain.
HAHA. wow....actually reading through this...what i gotta do is repent because of the ways that i am such a hypocrite. i get upset when there is betrayal or people using others to get what they want...but that’s exactly what i do. i use people to get what i want, to feel wanted, to feel loved and needed. and when i don’t get that, then i just like shut down. but i think a way that God is teaching me that i need to overcome is that ESPECIALLY when i am feeling unwanted/unloved i must still love. i don’t think that means to be like obnoxious and over-the-top...but to still choose to smile, to chat (when i literally just wanna run away), and to still show care to those around me. this is ONLY because Jesus chose to love me...he didn’t get anything in return for loving me, he simply did and he cared about me so much...that it didn’t matter what he got for himself. ugh. Lord, change me.
