#iamlying-infected

[iamlying-infected]

It's like time is forcing me to forget you &' I absolutely can't do anything but to obey.

[iamlying-infected]

I just realized that I'll never be free.

Even with the independence I have now.

In order to be free my prison will be relocated &' my prison guard will be modified.

[iamlying-infected]

I want me back, this isn't me

It's been a while since I've been me &' I'm confused about this new behavior of myself.

I don't know her, to me she's a total stranger.

I'm not sure if I'm the mentally strong girl or the emotionally unavailable one.

I lost the passion I had in this life.

I lost my communication skills.

I lost the extroverted side.

I gained depression and sadness that I carry all day long.

I gained a love for the solitude.

I gained an introverted side that wants nothing but to hide from this world in her cozy room.

To me nothing makes sense anymore.

Even the simplest act of living isn't bothering me.

I've been fighting the last weeks to keep me as stable as possible but I feel the tiredness &' as weak as this sounds I wish I could fall apart, I wish I could cry, I wish I could break so I can heal and stand up again.

I wish I could take this pause from life, but I can't.

The spiritual side of me is the only thing that keeps me alive.

Believing no matter what circumstances I'm in and hoping for the best even if everything around me is telling me the opposite.

My mind even my heart refuses the request of my soul.

They refuse to see me this weak, so they keep me going, they keep me fighting all my demons no matter how tired and weak I'm.

So here I'm not knowing how to survive the following hours, days or weeks but still fighting even though nothing is worth it anymore.

[iamlying-infected]

I'm happy when I'm with you, but it's not enough.

- 10.09.21

[iamlying-infected]

home is a feeling 🇪🇬♥️

[iamlying-infected]

what should I feel when one of his friends calls me to ask what my secret was, why he'd tell me what's on his mind &' what's upsetting him while she tries for days yet he won't tell her.

how do I manage not to tell her that I already talked to him &' that in fact he poured out his soul to me yet I ended the call with him just to answer her incoming call &' her non-stop questions.

by what means can I explain that he feels comfortable talking to me because after all these years he's still in love with me. even though he received so many rejection, he still sees me as the anchor he'd always hold on to.

how do I answer when she tells me that I'm the nearst one to his heart &' that he only mentions my name with the most beautiful words.

how should I feel when even after all of this I still feel nothing but rejection towards him.

I feel like I'm solving all the problems around me yet I fail to solve my own.

[iamlying-infected]

نسيتُ عتابي واسبابي وكل شئ ولم اتذكر سواه 🦋

[iamlying-infected]

being loved by a real man hits you so different 🧸🕊♥️