Ooo is there lore for Miss Proxy? Because she looks really cool
Hey all! Happy New Year and thanks for your continued patience on my massive hiatus. I'll keep ya'll updated when I am up for continuing the storyline!
To answer this Ask, Proxy Server was the mascot for the 2020 Online Trotcon event! I'm not sure if she has detailed lore beyond that but if she does, the Trotcon staff would know it better. She and the bytechillas were very fun to draw a comic for. =D
Speaking of comics, I shall now show you all the particular panel that has been the bane of my existence for literal months and is one of the major roadblocks to my continuing the next comic of IANAA:
On the one hand, I'm really pleased with it, it's looking lovely. On the other hand, I dON'T WANNA RELINE ALL OF THAT
(Also I will need to add some background characters. I just... I just needed a break XD Expect a continued lack of really detailed backgrounds after I get through this challenge, I am glad I can do decent backgrounds if I try but they take me SO LONG)
Anyhoo, Happy New Year! Remember, January is always rough but that doesn't mean the whole year is gonna be bad! Keep your chins up and look for the good things in life, because they ARE there! And feel free to message me if you want prayers, I'm always available!
That awkward moment when your seething protective older brother fury is clotheslined by the desire to laugh uncontrollably at an adorably overfloofed chinchilla.
I literally just came up with that codename for Sales and it makes me giggle.
And this it the story of when Equestria rose again.
The trials began as they always do: with the return of Nightmare Moon. The celestial sisters clashed, and Celestia fell. Heedless of the struggle it would be to keep the Sun set with its alicorn princess banished inside it, Nightmare Moon did just that, determined that her traitorous sister experience Nightmare’s punishment.
Nightmare’s reign of Equestria was strained, but Equestria could have borne it. But within a year, the capital was attacked by the Changelings, desperate to replenish their stores of pony love that had been stymied by the nation’s state of fear and uncertainty. Nightmare Moon was barely managing to repel the threat when the Crystal Empire returned, and King Sombra began to march on her northern borders. With attacks from within and attacks from without, a distrusted leader on the throne, and economic failure rippling across the country as readily as the shifting front lines, the ponies of Equestria were more torn than ever.
So of course that’s when Discord escaped.
The upside of Discord’s release was that it temporarily stopped the fighting. Even King Sombra was smart enough to withdraw in the face of the mad draconequus on a quest of vengeance against all ponies. Queen Chrysalis and Queen Nightmare Moon (who had absconded herself at first sign of Discord’s escape, using every possible trick to keep him from finding her) formed a temporary peace treaty in order to seek a solution - for a world ruled by Discord was useless to all of them. (Granted, the Changelings could withdraw to their protected realm, but Chrysalis had tasted power and wasn’t about to let Discord have it all. She was quite looking forward to stabbing Nightmare Moon in the back afterwards.)
Their solution: a magical contract with the long-imprisoned centaur, Tirek. Tirek was more than happy to oblige. He single-handedly decimated Sombra’s troops, gorging himself on the magic of Crystal Empire and Equestrian ponies alike. It is possible that, if Discord hadn’t come to see what all the fuss was about himself, Tirek would have kept right on gorging to the very limit of the contract that bound him.
When the two titans clashed, the battle that ensued sundered hundreds of miles of landscape. Canterlot bore the greatest brunt; the castle collapsed completely from its cliffside home, the city little more than ruins. Discord’s attacks spread wildly unpredictable waves of chaos magic across much of Equestria. And when at long last Tirek had defeated him and sucked him dry, the lingering effects of that chaos magic stayed rooted in the ground like weeds.
It seemed, for the briefest moment, as if the worst problem was over. But of course, a power-maddened Tirek is a worse threat - because at least Discord doesn’t go out of his way to destroy everything in sight. Drunk on chaos magic, Tirek easily broke the tenuous contract with the queens and set across the landscape, draining ponies by the thousands and carving swaths through the countryside for the sheer wicked joy of destruction. His power was even mighty enough to destroy the changeling hive, overpowering its magical protections.
There was no choice - the two remaining rulers of any species in the land had to either defeat their own creation or face the loss of all they held dear. Nightmare Moon called upon the power of the Moon itself, drawing it nearer to Equestria in a desperate gambit. Tidal waves rocked Equestria’s coastlines, submerging Manehattan and other coastal cities entirely, and the alicorn of the night shone with deadly moonlit radiance as she bombarded Tirek with the full brunt of her power. But even Nightmare Moon at the height of her power was not strong enough to stop Tirek at the height of his, and he struck her down against the surface of the Moon itself. Some of the dislodged chunks rained down on the world, damaging more of not only Equestria, but many other countries on that side of the planet.
Tirek seemed to have won; all he had left to deal with was one small, angry changeling queen. An assured victory, no doubt.
He could not have known how wrong he was. For a changeling might give its magic willingly to a spell like Tirek’s with no ill effects, but an unwilling changeling queen will not be robbed of her power easily. As Tirek’s powers drain magic, so changeling powers drain love - and no one in all the world had such self-love as Tirek. The cycle of Tirek draining her magic and Chrysalis draining his became a self-consuming spell spiral that ultimately imploded upon itself, taking both creatures with it.
The resulting explosion could be heard across the celestial sea. For a few moments, there was something like an artificial sun on the horizon - a sun that had set directly on Equestria.
Then came the silence. After three years of war, devastation, and disasters unlike any the world had ever seen, there was silence.
And as the silence stretched, the survivors stirred.
Earth ponies, pegasi, unicorns, crystal ponies, and zebras; yaks, cows, goats, donkeys, and buffalo; gryphons, dragons, hippogryphs, minotaurs, and changelings: in spite of everything, many had survived. They rose from their hiding places to find an Equestria and Crystal Empire in ruins. No major cities still stood; borders and coastlines were unrecognizable. Large swaths of land once green and lush were barren and blasted, and spots of chaos magic lay in wait for creatures unwise enough to enter them unprotected. The moon hung wrecked in a dark sky, shining in shattered glory down on the devastation that had been the once-rich land of Equestria.
But the great destroyers were gone. None of the titans and tyrants who had brought this destruction down on the country remained. The usual monsters hardly seemed a threat anymore; those who had survived thus far had learned to cope with far worse. They could build new settlements, make new ways of life, come together or fall apart on their own merits.
And the most hopeful sign of all came the next day. The first actual day since Nightmare Moon returned and the Thousand Days of Woe began:
The Sun - weak and red in the dust-filled sky - slowly rose over the horizon.
The Princess of the Sun had not returned yet; perhaps she is still trapped by her sister’s spell. Perhaps another way of escape is being laid. But the light fills the ponies’ hearts with hope.
The Equestria they knew is gone. But the New Equestria has a future.
____
Sunday, Aug.10, 4 A.C.
Dear Journal,
It’s really strange dating things this way; but with everything that’s happened, most folks agree it’ll be easier to date our calendars starting with the fall of Princess Celestia. ‘After Celestia’ sounds so grim, though; kinda hope we change it. Maybe when the Princess returns... we’re praying she does.
Anyway, I still can’t believe we found a whole stock of blank paper in the storerooms! We’re saving most of it for bartering, but Mom thinks it’s smart for one of us to make notes for posterity, so it looks like I get to keep you. I’ll try to be short to save space, but it just feels so good to write again!
The move into the Canterlot ruins ruins is going pretty well. A few other families joined us after our last trip to Apple Fort, and we’ve shored up our defenses in case the air pirates make another flyby. Pop and I negotiated a deal with the Apples - food in exchange for books. A few of the unicorns know replication spells and are using some of the paper to make copies of really important texts so we don’t lose valuable knowledge to an accident. It still blows my mind how much we’ve lost in... was life really normal only a few years ago? It feels like another lifetime that I was in this very city, talking to the Princess, sitting at a normal cafe... eating lunch with Cam and Press...
I don’t want to forget them. Camera Shy and Pressing Matters, my best friends. Maybe they’re still out there somewhere. We run into old friends every now and then - my old traveling salespony gig has come in handy, actually! I’ve found a bunch of people who used to be clients, it really helps with forming trade and peace treaties with other groups. So it could happen. Please, Prince, keep them safe wherever they are.
I’m really blessed, though. I have to remember that. I have Mom and Pop and Black and Per and Chewie - although I’m still not used to Chewie flying and talking now. She’s such a character. Lots of ponies are missing family - so are we, we haven’t been able to find most of the extended family, but Pop got word from Aunt Pitter that she and my cousin Light Drizzle are out west somewhere, and Pitch Apple is down at Apple Fort, thank the King.
And we could be worse! We made friends with a tinkerer named Steam Punk, he made me a new wing that works as good as my old one! (Not a HUGE bar to cross, but it’s still really impressive!) I’m talking him into working with me to start a production house that can make and sell them affordably to other handicapped pegasi. And Mom got her flight back thanks to a gem Black and some other mages crafted. I think she still misses her diving mark, but she’s so brave and optimistic, it really inspires everyone. I wish we could do something for Pop’s horn, but he’s finding other ways to help out. Per is... well, I guess if you’re going to get turned into a pony-dragon, you’d want to be as cheerful about it as Per. Who knows, maybe she’ll still get a cutie mark someday! And Black is fully aware that he looks pretty boss with an eyepatch, the dork.
There’s rumors that Princess Cadance might be alive and organizing the crystal ponies up North; lots of ponies are heading that way, but I think our group will stay here. There’s a lot of resources in the Canterlot ruins and in the castle, although Black leads the expeditions into the castle because of safety issues. I never knew he was so good at exploration and such; guess there were a few skills he was holding out on us over the years, but turns out he was working for the Princess before! What in Equus, I gave him such an earful for being all secretive about being my bodyguard or whatever.
I’m running out of page, so I’ll wrap up today. We’re holding a worship service later, Pop and Parson Brown are setting it up. We want to keep focusing on what we have to be thankful for. We are GOING to get through this. The King, the Prince, and the Advocate have not abandoned us, and we have each other.
~Salespitch
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Fun Facts About The Wasteland Timeline:
- This was my favorite timeline to draw =D I HAD to get some steampunk stuff in there, although there are definitely Mad Max vibes. The convenient thing about this timeline is that it was a literal blank slate, so I could really get creative with it! I feel like this would make a neat bookmark, what do ya’ll think?
- I tried to reference all the major villains in the picture. Extra shoutout to ReversalMushroom, the patron who sponsored this Alternate Timeline Special, for giving me the ideas for the changeling goo and Tirek’s hoofprints, which were added in during the coloring phase. I think they round it out quite nicely!
- The random bit of Candy Forest over the crevice there is one of the pockets left behind by Discord’s chaos magic going wild. Most ponies avoid it because here’s WEIRD stuff in there, and ponies who go in there usually come out a little weirder themselves.
- Black lost his eye and half his sunglasses in a fight with some Changelings. He gets on quite well with only one eye, though, and he insists his sunglass-lens eyepatch is going to be the height of eyepatch fashion. (He DOES have a sense of humor in case anyone doubted it. ;) ) Black taught everyone basic survival techniques and does most of the more dangerous tasks.
- Sales lost his wing during Tirek’s rampage; he tried to distract Tirek, but they didn’t have time to make the plan from the Tirek timeline, so he got swatted pretty quickly. On the upside, Tirek lost sight of him and didn’t get his magic. Sales can fly about as well now with his new steampunk wing, which combines
technology and magic to mimic low-level pegasus flight (which was where he was at anyway, so he made a great first test subject!) Sales’ main job is negotiating peaceful trades with other groups.
- Sales Patter (Dad) lost his horn while pushing his wife out of the way of some falling rubble. He insists he was only mediocre at magic anyway, and he doesn’t need a horn to do business! He does miss it, though. He helps their new community with allocating resources.
- Pitch Forward (Mom) lost her magic and cutie mark to Tirek’s onslaught. The gem in her coat simulates flight for her, although not quite at the level she was before. She and Sales joke about how he can almost beat her in a race now. She helps with the kids in their small community and teaches flying techniques to pegasi.
- Pitch Perfect got hit with a random blast of Discord magic that turned her half dragon. It took a little getting used to, but she honestly thinks it is super neat. She’s pretty good at sniffing out gems now, which (when she isn’t eating them) helps with family finances. Her friends Codebreak and Castle Crasher are part of their little community, and the three are constantly getting into trouble (which most everyone silently thinks of as a nice bit of familiarity.)
- Chewie ALSO got Discord’d; she has fairy wings now and she can talk. Chewie still likes Sales the best and hovers around him chattering like Navi half the time. The other half of the time she forgets she has wings and just hops around exploring. At this point she’s become less like a pet and more like another tiny sister, to Per’s delight and everyone else’s raised anxiety levels. She is VERY aware of her surroundings and alerts the group to intruders and strangers. She really misses computer games.
- Princess Celestia will eventually return, although by that time I feel that the various groups gathering together will have formed something like a decent society again. It remains to be seen if they’ll go back to a monarchy, create a government of connected micronations, or turn into something like the United States.
- And yes, Camera Shy, Pressing Matters, and Press’s husband Curler are all alive. They’ll meet up someday!
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A/N: Thank you all for joining me on this journey through time and space to explore the seven MLP timelines and where Sales & Co might have ended up in them! I hope you enjoyed it; I had a good bit of fun coming up with the different scenarios, it was a great brain exercise. =D Thank you again to all my Patrons, and to ReversalMushroom for sponsoring this particular special! There will be a final post next week of all the pictures together, with links back to their storyline posts.
I also want to thank you for bearing with me as the regular updates continue to be on hiatus. This has been a rough and strange year for all of us, and I hope you all are safe and healthy and know that you are loved. Jesus has really been with me through this year, and even tonight as I write this; there are things I struggle with, but I know that they do not define my value, HE does. =) And I, like Sales, want to count my blessings, the biggest one (aside from my faith in God) being that I have family around me who love me and care for me. I’m very much looking forward to Christmas! =D
Merry Christmas! May your Christmas and New Year contain joy and peace, and may Christ Jesus rest His hands on you and draw your heart to His. In Jesus’ Name, amen.
The new Element bearers had not appeared. With nothing to fall back on, Celestia went to face the return of her sister armed only with her determination and desperation. With the knowledge that anything other than subduing her sister would result in Luna’s death or her ponies’ enslavement, Celestia fought with all her heart.
A thousand years hadn’t tempered Nightmare Moon’s madness, but it had grown Celestia’s magical skill. The clash of the last remaining alicorns filled the sky with light and darkness that could be seen across the entire country... including from the gardens of the castle in Canterlot, where a long-dormant statue waited.
If Celestia had known the danger... if she had known that the Tree of Harmony had grown weaker over a thousand years... if she had known that the Element magic used to imprison Discord was weakened with it, and he only needed one significant bit of discord to break the last lock on his prison... she might have preferred allowing Nightmare Moon to take the throne.
Because two alicorn sisters displaying their ground-shattering discord across the skies was more than enough.
Discord caught them mid-battle...and was honestly kinda irritated to find them more focused on fighting each other than challenging him. He couldn’t even set up a good game for them to lose at before he took over! He’d just have to fix that with a bit of chaos magic. A quick boop to the heads, and... well, things didn’t turn out quite like he expected. Celestia became haughty, snide, and violent, but Luna changed out of her (decidedly tacky, but what could you expect from pony fashion) goth look and turned all nice and weirdly remorseful. Luna tried to appeal to her sister, Celestia (who now had an interesting tinge of fire in her mane) unleashed some demeaning verbal attacks, and pretty soon it looked like they were gearing up for another fight, and...
Well, this was stupid. They were so focused on each other, they weren’t even paying attention to him! He’d fix that with another boop on Celestia’s noggin - really annoying, having to un-chaos someone, but at least it put the two ponies on the same side so they could get their priorities straight and focus on...
Ah, yes, there it was! Just what he’d waited for these past thousand years: two alicorn sisters, both staring at him with horror and worry and that oh-so-precious pony determination. Too bad they had already worn themselves out with their fight over who-knew-what. They were almost pathetically easy to overpower, especially with not an Element in sight.
The princesses were his playthings. Equestria would be shifted and reformed under his chaotic whim. And none stood able to challenge him.
The Reign of Discord had begun.
----
Meanwhile, Salespitch was visiting Canterlot at just the wrong time, and...
Well, what do you think happens when a lord of chaos notices a pony standing in the middle of the road, trying its hardest to not show how petrified it is, and it has a horn and wings but clearly no alicorn magic? And then said lord of chaos investigates said pony out of curiosity, mocks him about playing princess, and is amazed when said pony actually gets annoyed enough to scold Discord that no, he is NOT an alicorn, he’s never WANTED to be an alicorn, and he would really prefer it if people didn’t mistake him for royalty when he’s just a stallion with a genetic mutation trying to live a normal life!!!
Discord thought that was the funniest thing he’d ever heard.
Long story short, instead of Discording Sales’ personality, Discord just... made his biggest annoyance a reality. Obviously he didn’t give Sales FULL alicorn powers, and what powers he did give him are pretty wonky - the ability to turn random objects into suitcases, and fly upside down, and speak in a dramatic Royal Canterlot Voice at random and totally inconvenient times, etc. The royal regalia was a stroke of genius inspired by one of this new era’s “cartoon characters,” a perky little alicorn called Prince Smiley. (The fact that Sales had once dressed as said character for Nightmare Night was sheer coincidence, although Discord would have found that even more perfect.)
Obviously Sales was horrified, which is really the wrong reaction, because it just made the whole thing funnier to Discord and thus made the draconequus that much less likely to forget about Sales and go pester other ponies. Anonymity is your friend in Discord’s kingdom.
Now, Discord being Discord, he gets bored of things easily - including mocking and tormenting the powerless alicorn princesses. There’s a whole nation to twist and remodel into a true chaotic kingdom! Plenty of other ponies to give him some variety. Turning them to stone would be so gauche and ruin his single moral high ground over the ponies, so when Discord tires of his princess fun, he turns the alicorn sisters into fillies and leaves them with his newly-appointed Prince of Babysitting. After all, shouldn’t an "alicorn” be in charge of baby alicorns? Discord even made him a lovely glass castle with stone windows - more of a cage, really, since Sales can’t leave it, but he has a throne and everything! Discord doesn’t even have to worry about manipulating somecreatures into worshipping the new “prince”; Sales has already got his own cult that fawns over him outside the see-through castle like a fanclub, to Sales’ eternal embarrassment. Yes, this is clearly the best setup Discord could have come up with all around, takes-hand-off-and-pats-self-on-the-back.
Time passes with no end in sight for the madness that has turned Equestria into a kaleidoscope’d chaos playground. Sales kind of falls into a perpetually annoyed resignation. He tries to be grateful - at least he still possesses full control of his mind, unlike so many ponies outside his weird castle. He has the honor of safeguarding the princesses - although he feels guilty that he can’t actually protect them from Discord’s whims. But he can keep them happy, and the few times he gets to talk with them before or after they’ve been in their baby states, Celestia manages to give him a word of encouragement or gratitude. (Plus, well, they ARE pretty adorable as fillies... even if he is NOT the world’s best babysitter and has to figure things out on the fly. He really wishes his mom were here.)
There is one actual advantage to all this. Ironically, Sales has a closer connection with Discord than most; since Discord made Sales the caretaker of the princesses, he actually talks to Sales sometimes. Granted, he mostly treats Sales as a captive audience to whine at when Discord starts getting bored of whatever recent chaotic plan he’s enacted. After all, when EVERYTHING is chaos... well, chaos almost becomes normal, so Discord keeps having to up himself. Sales actually manages to have conversations with him sometimes, and he’s gotten a glimpse of the truth even Discord can’t or won’t recognize: that he’s lonely, dissatisfied, and lacks a real sense of purpose or fulfillment.
Sales has to treat carefully, since annoying or upsetting Discord too much results in chaotic ‘punishments’ that are usually more disorienting and frustrating than actually harmful. But Sales has started picking his ear a little bit with hints that maybe Discord is bored because most creatures subject to his chaos don’t enjoy it like he does? Maybe sharing fun WITH people is better than just having fun for yourself at others’ expense? I mean, look at you, Discord, the only pony you really talk to is a nobody you made into an alicorn just to embarrass him. That’s a pretty lonely way to live, isn’t it?
Sometimes Discord listens while making snarky comments. Other times Discord gets irritated and turns Sales into a tiny alicorn who has to ride around on baby Celestia’s back and try not to get stepped on (or something of that nature). But Sales keeps trying and hoping and praying he’ll get through, because if they ever hope to stop Discord’s reign of chaos... well, it might just take teaching the Lord of Chaos what friendship is.
Even if the only pony currently able to make the effort finds him super annoying.
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Fun Facts About The Discorded Timeline:
- Yes, Luna’s popsicle is her cutie mark. I suppose once she digests it it will reappear back on her flank. XD
- Cadence hasn’t become an alicorn yet in this timeline. The chaos events do lead to her meeting Shining Armor, though, because TRUE LOVE and such :D
- Sales’ cult ABSOLUTELY LOVES THIS SITUATION. I mean, a lot of them hope/expect that Sales will eventually break free and defeat Discord now that he is showing his true alicorn might. Sales yells at them through the walls sometimes, but they have a hard time hearing him, so naturally they make up all sorts of “godly” nonsense he’s supposedly sharing.
- Discord did in fact accidentally cure Luna of the bad magic that was fueling and feeding off her old rage and paranoia. She and Celestia have pretty well made up through these weird events. And as Discord grows bored of their initial humiliation, his torments get less frightening and more, well, just weird, so life is KINDA bearable. Plus they really like Sales now (they don’t remember their adult selves while they are babies, but Discord makes sure they can remember every embarrassing toddler thing they did when they get aged back to normal.)
- Sales doesn’t know what’s going on with his family, they were back home when this happened. He’s hopeful they didn’t get affected too badly. In fact, Featherhorn (his hometown) got turned into a cardboard village and a few ponies had their heads swapped around, but Discord hasn’t made any connection between them and Sales, so he doesn’t think anything special of the place. Mostly just chocolate rain, flying rhinobunnies, and corncob trees. Everypony agrees it could be worse (but not out loud, that’s just ASKING for trouble!) Also Per talks backwards now, but everyone can still understand her (somehow) so it evens out.
- Black DOES run into Discord at one point while trying to sneak into Sales’s castle. Discord thinks he’s just another of Sales’ fanclub, so he turned him blue and forgot about him. Black finds this super annoying, especially when he can’t change his color no matter what magical disguise he makes.
- Don’t even worry about Sombra, he’s not touching a Discorded Equestria with a ten foot pole. Honestly Discord probably went after him as soon as he showed up, adding the Crystal Empire to his chaos kingdom.
- The Changelings are staying the HECK away in their nice little magic-negating castle, the only safe haven from Discord. Pony refugees actually try and go there, although it is tricky to get around the thick forest of living candy Discord erected all the way around their territory. Those who do get in exchange servitude and donations of love for safety. It keeps the changelings fed and the ponies feel safer working for bug-ponies in a place of order than out in the madness of Discord’s land.
- So as you might imagine, Sales can’t break through the glass of his glass castle. If he were to try and smash through the stone windows, though... let’s just say he feels really smart AND really dumb while making his escape attempt. It doesn’t go over well with Discord, especially when he manages to successfully pawn the baby princesses off to some of his cult members (one of whom is Black, don’t worry), who hide them away. This leads to a rather heated conversation when Discord catches up with him... and perhaps a moment of truth where Discord might realize he actually does maybe kinda sorta consider this silly brown pony a friend who he possibly doesn’t want to severely punish as a warning to other ponies who might defy him.
Maybe.
- Art note: I didn’t draw a background for this one initially, and then I got around to coloring them and knew it needed SOMETHING. Came up with the glass castle with stone windows because that seems Discord-like. Also baby bottle trees. The idea for breaking the stone windows was literally last minute as I wrote this, so bonus!
Next Week: Industrial Devolution (Flim Flim Universe)
Equestria had already been stunned by the return of Nightmare Moon - learning that one character of myth and legend was real, was the sister of Celestia herself, proved a powerful blow to the nation. Their princess was in a period of mourning after the re-banishment of her sister, and uncertainty crept across the land.
When the Crystal Empire returned, bringing with it living shadows and mind-controlled armies, that shock was compounded twofold.
But shock gave way to determination. Princess Celestia rose from her grief. The ponies of Equestria rallied. Peaceful ways of life had to give way to sacrifice for the good of the nation.
At first, there was concern among the alicornis imitato; where could they serve? A few felt capable of joining the call for volunteer fighters, but found themselves rejected. Too handicapped magically. Too great a distraction. Too high a personal risk if they were targeted for their alicorn appearance; too great a chance the few with cult followings would accidentally cause dissension and disobedience in the ranks.
Then Celestia called them in. Each one of the twelve, and their families, escorted to the castle in Canterlot under guard. For their safety, she assured them. They would bear no suspicion, they would not be harmed, and their loved ones were welcome to the same protection unless they wished to help the cause in some other capacity. And the AIs trusted her, for hadn’t Princess Celestia always made an effort to get to know each AI, to befriend them, to demonstrate to them her friendship and wish for their good?
None were aware of the ulterior motive behind this special consideration. True, keeping them safe, keeping them under a watchful eye, was a wise tactical move. But in truth, Princess Celestia had need of something else they had power over - power none of them realized was theirs:
The Guardians.
With each AI safely protected in the castle, the Guardians were now available. Twelve of the most skilled, elite agents in Her Royal Service. Twelve ponies picked for their patience, their decision-making, their stealth, and their fighting skills. Twelve ponies who had proven themselves not only strong and capable, but compassionate and rational - ponies with the rare skillset required for competently watching over, protecting - and, if need be, stopping - another pony in secret, for decades on end. And never once be found out, or require gratitude, for their service.
She had a special mission for them, if they agreed. They did. And so the Guardians gathered, trusting their charges, their foremost responsibility, to the Princess’s care.
There had been a Crystal Heart once, she told them in the secret meeting chamber. The Crystal Ponies had once powered and protected their city with its strong enchantment - an enchantment fueled by their love for one another. It had been a beacon of hope and light, a physical manifestation of the King’s love for his creatures. And Sombra had stolen it from them, filling the void left behind with his malice and lust for power.
He could not have broken it, she was certain. It must be hidden in the castle. And if they could find it... reactivate it... free the crystal ponies from their enslavement... the war would end, and no more innocent lives, lives utterly overshadowed by Sombra’s wicked hubris or laid down to defend Equestria’s freedom, would be lost.
The plan might not work. It might be too dangerous. It might be a fool’s errand.
But there was no group of ponies, Celestia felt sure, who could be more well entrusted to such a task.
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Welcome, one and all, to this special What If? series of “I Am Not An Alicorn!”
This has been a LONG time in the works. I initially started brainstorming this project back in January with Reversalmushroom, as his Patreon reward for supporting me under the Resplendent Royalty tier. He asked if his comic reward could be used to give a glimpse of what life would have been like for Salespitch & Co in the seven alternate timelines created by Starlight Glimmer in the Season 5 Finale, The Cutie Re-Mark. As you can tell from the time gap, it took me quite a while to get it done, and now I’m very excited to show you all the result!
I am quite pleased Reversal wanted this for his reward, and also for his commissioning of Panel 7 - as you may or may not know, there were seven timelines, but the Patreon reward only allows for up to two pages of comic, and I could only satisfactorily fit six of these panels onto those pages. So he commissioned the seventh one out of his own pocket (and lemme tell ya, I REALLY like that one :D) Thank you again for your patronage, Reversal, and I’m glad you have been happy with the results so far!
The descriptions I’ve added are not part of the original reward; I just really like adding lore, and thought ya’ll would enjoy some further elaboration of what’s going on in each timeline. It’s not a full story, but hopefully gives you enough fun details to imagine how things might have gone. I know I have fun with that kind of thing. :D
There will be a long post at the end with all of the timeline art cards together and links back to these description posts, but I hope you will enjoy the next seven weeks with me as we explore these different What Ifs! Also, feel free to send additional questions in about each timeline; I might answer a few of them during the week.
(And remember: no matter how dark or catastrophic things may seem... there is always hope.)
Some Fun Facts About The Crystal War Timeline/Art:
- All of Sales’ family is safe and well in this timeline. Pitch Black is the only one going into danger (and I assure you, he doesn’t die; the mission, while not without some serious roadblocks, is successful.)
- Sales feels a little cooped up at the castle, but Celestia has people who try to give all the AIs ways to put their talents to good use, and he ends up making some solid connections with the ponies of the Department of Equestrian Commerce. He actually has some suggestions that help streamline the war effort supply lines.
- All of the AIs in the upper half have appeared in the comic before! Some are from the MLP show, others (like the little red foal) are made up by me, and Willow Resin (the blue and blonde mare talking to Sales) was the winning entry for my Alicornis Imitato contest, created by @johndoestudios!
- The yellow AI is based off the show glitch of Lemon Hearts that made her into an alicorn, and the sunglasses guy is obviously Neon Lights, but while this is NOT Lemon Hearts and I made a new cutie mark for her lookalike, Neon Lights is still Neon Lights. I figure he just hides his wings under his vest when he’s working with Coluratura’s shows. Also, that purple tail is one of the VERY obvious on-screen “alicorns” in the episode where Rainbow Dash goes to Las Pegasus (named Purple Rain by me).
- The ponies with Pitch Black and Celestia aren’t all named yet, but I like them all, and I named the green guy Strawberry Spice.
- The blue pegasus Guardian ended up looking so much like Agent Windigo that I decided he is her twin brother. Their real names are Storm Front and Spring Frost. I haven’t decided a codename for Frost yet, but all the top-level special agents have codenames based on dangerous creatures or constructs (i.e. Black Knight, Windigo, Phoenix, Golem, Manticore, Hydra, Chimera, Ursa Major and Ursa Minor, Siren, etc.) Kinda too bad his sister stole the ice monster already, I bet she ribs him about that. XD
Hope you’re all well and taking time to relax and appreciate the little joys in life! They’re still out there, I promise. :) And let me know if anyone has any prayer requests! Jesus is still Lord, and He’s never surprised no matter what craziness we run into!
Previous: The King Sombra Timeline
The Changeling Times Timeline
Equestria has been occupied. Changelings, creatures who can take on the shape and voice of anypony, anyone. Monsters who feed on love. They’d infiltrated Equestria seemingly overnight, sinking their roots into every settlement and city like a creeping plague, capturing important officials, leaders, heads of clans, and replacing them or holding them outright hostage. They did not reveal themselves until the fall of Canterlot, and by then, it was too late.
Their demands are simple in their cruelty: Obey the new changeling overlords without question. Do not try to reunite with missing loved ones; they had been taken, trapped in the cocoons that leeched their love to feed the hive. Know that anyone could be a changeling in disguise, and be assured that disobedience would be punished - there was always a need for more love, and having it forcibly drained from you was much worse than losing it unawares.
Featherhorn received warning before the coup was sprung. Not enough to get everyone out - some stayed to hold off the swarm that came once their infiltrators were unmasked, giving time for rest of the town to escape. Pitch Black led their meager forces, along with his father Sales Patter, Press’s husband Curler, Camera Shy, and other brave stallions and mares. Sales would have stayed, but Black and Sales Patter made him promise to get the rest of the town away.
Only a few managed to meet up with the townsponies later. Some of those were not who they said. But some were. Sales Patter gave the story - the majority had been captured and taken away. A few of their own had been changelings even before the attack. But their fight was not in vain.
The Featherhorn refugees were blessed to have a few zebras with them - one of them knew the recipe for the magical poultice that reveals a creature’s true nature. Their group was one of the larger rebellious parties starting out, because they had had warning; but this made them vulnerable, easier to find, and so they went deeper into the forests until they could find some way to defeat the monsters. Slowly, though, they began to pick up other stragglers, organize themselves, become a force that could not be easily found and would not be easily taken when they were.
They have not given up. Sales has not given up. Somewhere out there, Pitch Black, Curler, Cam, and the rest are still alive, still needing saving. And he hopes to not see their faces again until the changelings are overthrown, or he sees them rescued and wearing the zebra poultice with his own two eyes.
Because the changelings can wear anyone’s face. And they prefer to wear the faces of those you trust the most.
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Fun Facts About The Changeling Times Story/Art:
- I figure there aren’t nearly enough Changelings to forcibly subdue ALL the ponies and other creatures in Equestria; they are only one city-sized hive, after all. That led to a combination of the Canterlot assault and the Season 6 finale - the changelings secretly replacing important ponies until they could confidently reveal themselves and assume control through threats and fear.
- Chrysalis’s rule is in a fast-decaying state - she has the power she craved, but the fear and paranoia used to control the populace is rapidly stifling their love even for each other, diminishing the changelings’ food supply. There are still A LOT of ponies, so it will take a long time to reach starvation levels, but things are already teetering. And the more ponies she pods as love batteries (the pods give them dreams of things they love, and the changelings siphon that off) to offset this decline, the more unrest she creates, and the more unstable her rule becomes.
- There are some changelings who formed genuine friendships with ponies during their longer infiltrations leading up to the invasion and then chose the ponies over their queen. (There is no “hive mind” in this universe, just a strong sense of instinctive loyalty that can be overcome.) They have to stay in their natural forms at all times while among the refugees, but the most trusted act as scouts and suppliers. Sales has a very hard time trusting them for a while.
- Nightmare Moon was rebanished, Discord has not escaped, but the Crystal Empire will return shortly. The conflict between Chrysalis and Sombra distracts her enough for the ponies to overthrow Chrysalis. They receive help from within.
- Thorax is part of the group that reclaims the Crystal Heart and breaks enough crystal ponies free of their mind control helmets to activate it, banishing Sombra. It is during this mission that Thorax discovers the secret of giving love, starting off Great Change and ascending him to kingship.
- Acceptance of the reformed changelings and the crystal ponies takes a much longer time after the occupation/war than it did in the show, but it does happen eventually.
- I discovered while making these that I could use an almost invisible color gradient over the art to give them it a faint, unifying hue. I think it really helps with balancing the whole image and copying the feel given off in the show! Obviously, this one uses the color green.
Ha, the notes ended up being longer than the story entry this time! Some of this stuff I literally thought up while I was writing. XD Hope ya’ll are enjoying this series, I worked really hard on these pictures and I’ve been excited about finally sharing them with you guys. Thanks again to ReversalMushroom for his Patreon support and commission that made this alternate timeline series possible!
Hey guys! River here, once again reporting that I am NOT dead, and I DO plan on continuing the comic at some point! I will keep you updated when I have more helpful information sorted out. ^^;
But in the MEANTIME, I thought I’d pop in and show off some of the cast of IANAA recreated in Azimooth’s Lords of Ponykeep game. I got selected as an alpha tester, and the character creator has by far been my favorite part. :D
First, of course, we have Salespitch:
Testers get an alicorn cheatcode, so I was able to properly make my boy, I was so pleased. XD There are a LOT of mane style options, but since I could only do two tones, his colors got simplified to just blue-black and teal. Which, ironically, was how he was almost designed before I added in the extra stripes of darker teal! :D Sadly there was no briefcase cutie mark quarter rune (but, I mean, is anyone surprised by this? Not I), so I picked the coins because 1) selling = money, and 2) provides his gold accent! :D Lookit this cutiepie, he is raring for adventure!
Camera Shy was TRICKY; he has that really weird unique manestyle already, and his cutie mark is a camera which naturally isn’t a likely quarter rune to find in a game inspired by Ye Olden Days. I chose the gong because it kinda reminds me of a front-facing camera. He also got Concerned Eyes because, I mean. It’s Cam.
Pressing Matters came out super cute XD I’m pleased I was able to get a decent spread of spots! Couldn’t find an inkpot, but I chose the honey because the color matches and it’s a glass container. That dance pose so perfectly encapsulates her enthusiasm for printing.
Sadly the Ye Olden Days did not have sunglasses, so Pitch Black is missing his key accessory. He is still ready and willing to beat up on any fools who mess with his little brother, though. :D I’m actually not SURE what that cutie mark is, but it’s golden and circular and looks cool, so. Here we are. XD; And his expression is so perfect.
And finally... it’s meee! :D Featuring the blep! Honestly, for having to cut my mane and hoof colors from 4 tones to 2, I really like the compromise I came up with. And the quill pen quarter rune was a PERFECT stand-in for my cutie mark; it even has a tiny touch of blue! :D I’ll be a little immodest and just say it, guys: my pone looks darn cute.
Hope ya’ll enjoyed! Keep an eye on Azimooth’s blog for updates on the progress of the game. And I’ll let ya’ll know as soon as I have some concrete news about when IANAA will be starting up again!
Adoptable redraw! I bought this adorable adoptable off of @sonnatora recently, I just loved the color scheme and the mushroom theme! I think I will be cameoing her as a character in IANAA. (I don’t buy adoptables very often, and I’m terrible at actually using them when I do XD; So I’m glad I have an idea for this one!)
I did a short stream tonight (hahaha ‘short’, 3 1/2 hours is ‘short’ XD; ) to work on drawing her in my style, and here she is! I don’t color outlines but I really wanted to keep that nice gold/tangerine color around her white mane, so I ended up using the mane outlines as the mane/tail shading colors in my version. I’m also not super experienced with chest floof XD. But I think it turned out really nice!
For backstory, I’m gonna say her special talent is locating and identifying mushrooms; she knows a myriad of recipes (both food and potion kinds) that can be made with the mushrooms growing in her area of Equestria. She may just be involved with the zebras Sales is going to visit about his poison joke problem, so perhaps we will see her soon!
