#icrdq

[fogarpea]

sweet pea: i guess i’m just too tough to cry

fangs: just yesterday you were crying about snakes...

sweet pea, crying: they don’t have any arms!

[serpentonitopaz-blog]

jughead: what did he look like?

cheryl: i don't know... i mean, he was wearing some dumb hat

cheryl: i'm sorry, i know that's unhelpful-

cheryl and toni, simultaneously: all hats are dumb

toni: ha! *snort*

jughead: what the hell, is that your laugh?

jughead: also, quit vibing and help me solve this!

toni, staring adoringly at cheryl: sorry man, it's what the universe wants

[fogarpea]

toni: [...] he couldn’t go, because he’s injured

sweet pea: i wasn’t injured, i was lightly stabbed

fangs: i’m sorry, you were STABBED?!

sweet pea: lightly stabbed

[serpentonitopaz-blog]

toni: are you a big spoon or a little spoon?

sweet pea: i'm a knife.

fangs, from across the room: he's a little spoon.

[serpentonitopaz-blog]

fangs: hey, how much money do you have?

sweet pea: uh, 69 cents

fangs: ha, you know what that means

sweet pea, with tears in his eyes: i don't have enough money for chicken nuggets

[serpentonitopaz-blog]

sweet pea: i didn't want to do this, but i do know one way we can get the money ...

toni: you'd make a decent prostitute

sweet pea: i'd make an AMAZING prostitute

[serpentonitopaz-blog]

toni: okay, before we go in, remember you have to pretend to be surprised

sweet pea: how's this? [in a super cheery voice] oh my god! it's so much worse than i imagined!

toni: ...the energy was great, but the message was flawed

[fogarpea]

sweet pea: fun fact, the average person walks past a murderer about 36 times during their life

toni: I like how this is called a ‘fun’ fact

sweet pea: it’s fun because they didn’t decide to murder you

fangs: hey don’t joke about murder i was murdered once and it offends me