#iddax

[idryusan]

bury me low.

@iddax, midas practice room, mid afternoon.

san finds himself in the practice rooms at midas more often than not lately. he doesn’t even have anything to practice, really. but the walls are familiar to him, and he knows which are the least popular. which have the smallest chance of someone coming in to talk or watch him practice. even his own apartment feels too impersonal to him. it’s always been more of a place where he sleeps than a home. san’s not sure what he’d call his home. maybe this building. this room. 

it echoes empty through his chest, that feeling. he’d been dancing earlier, but for the moment he’s tucked himself against the wall. there’s a new phone tucked against his palm, and he’s busy reprogramming the apps he uses back into it. a new kakao id, the old deleted, just in case anyone had linked up to his account through his number when taeho had leaked it. he sends out a request to jowi and leaves everyone else for later. it’s not like he can remember much of anyone’s numbers or id’s anyway. he’ll just beg them off jowi later when he sees her next. 

san only breaks concentration from his task when he hears the creak of the door opening. he drops the phone briefly to his crossed legs and glances up. he expects a trainee looking for a free room, the rest claimed. instead he sees dax and has to stop himself from rolling his eyes in a passive aggressive display. he doesn’t feel like dealing with him right now, not after their argument at the party. he just doesn’t feel like he has it in him to deal with whatever it is that’s going on. especially if dax seems intent on staying so steadfast with his new so-called friendship with taeho. it just feels a little bit like a slap in the face, and san doesn’t want to sit here listening to how it shouldn’t matter that dax wants to be friends with taeho, that he should just suck it up. 

he has other things on his mind, he has to leave korea soon. he picks up his phone again instead of greeting him, slides back against the wall and clicks open another app to download. he glances back up at him only when dax is crouched in front of him, offers out a “hey,” arms folded across his stomach as he looks at the other through newly-bleached bangs. maybe dax will have shaken off his newfound interest in taeho, maybe that will make it all easier.

[idaroon]

without me.

with @iddax at sbs gayo daejun after party, dax is drunk and aroon is tired

aroon watches dax, for now.

he has been watching his hyung for a while, following dax’s movements with his eyes, sometimes losing him in the middle of the crowd, but always finding him again. it’s his special talent, always finding the other titanium members no matter where they are, no matter how dark it is. he knows all of them by heart now, and dax he knows better than anyone else.

so he knows that dax always goes the extra mile during parties, always drinks too much, always finds a way to get himself into something – and maybe aroon is the same, but tonight he is laying low. now he can see why he drinks, the party is quite boring sober, so he can’t really blame dax from trying to have some fun, but still, this is dax and things can get ugly quickly.

it has always been like this, in some way. dax has an abrasive personality and aroon has to smoothen his edges, keep him presentable. and it’s not to say dax can’t play the part when they are on a stage, but when there are no cameras things are different and aroon likes to keep an eye on him, make sure he doesn’t make mistakes. it’s less for the group and more for dax himself, for his hyung is a good person deep down. it takes time to see it and most people give up, but aroon is stubborn and never stopped pestering the other until they became friends.

jingyi was right, he does attract the asshole types. takes one to know one, etc etc.

so aroon watches dax from the corner he is sitting, legs stretched over some table, comfortable on some couch. he watches as dax drinks once, twice, three times. he’s an adult, he can do whatever he wants, but aroon knows he will regret it later. maybe he’ll take someone home he wouldn’t sober, maybe he’ll have a monster hangover and puke on the toilet while aroon waits by his side. it’s how these things go between them. 

aroon gets up from his place and walks past the crowd to where dax is at the bar. “hyung,” he calls, places a hand on dax’s back as he sits by his side. “i think that’s enough, you’ve had too much.” aroon holds the glass before dax can reach it. “come on, let’s get you some fresh air.”

[idaroon]

familiar.

with @iddax, insulting someone he’s the closest to

all things considered, this night is proving to be a funny one. maybe, aroon thinks, he should thank dahye the next day when he eventually wins their private competition. he sure lost count of the things he did, but there is no way dahye has done more than he did, or maybe there is, she is a wild one.

aroon looks down at his phone, looking for the next dare he can do. insult the person you’re closest to. which sure for him means titanium members. he can’t insult jingyi because: a) he has no idea of where jingyi is right now and b) jingyi would sure end up crying. so that brings aroon to the next in line:

kim daesung.

it’s not going to be hard, he muses, as dax is used to insult and being insulted, the whole basis of their friendship is this. thinking about it aroon can’t remember a single time dax was gentle or nice to him. he had to learn how to read dax’s compliments hidden into the insults he always spoke, learn how to know when dax’s body language meant he was being nice.

it was difficult in the beginning. dax was too mean sometimes and aroon was too young, not used to people roasting him. it took aroon months of stares and sighs to get close enough to dax, get to a level where the other was defending him against the other trainees rather than insulting him with them.

now, years later, they have something that is comfortable. it’s not what he has with jingyi or the funny banter he has with junyoung, but it’s something that works for them. and looking at this dare it seems like they were born to do it, so aroon walks around the party until he can see dax in his strange costume (”you’re a sexy clown hyung?” he had asked, “yes, shut up.” and aroon shut his mouth).

“you!” aroon yells to be heard over the music, tugs at dax’s costume to catch his attention – he in no way would ever push dax, he values his life too much – “there you are, you and your stupid costume!” anyone else would know better than to say something like that to dax, but aroon knows he can get away with it. when it comes to the titanium members he can get away with a lot. “your costume is ridiculous, hyung.” aroon pouts a little because he knows dax can’t resist it. he just hopes the singers understands what he is doing or this will be embarrassing.