okay I realized having extreme anxiety were I analize all my feelings and my thoughts (kinda like how people with OCD do it but Im not diagnosed but I do obsesses so fucking much) being trans is tiring because I'm constantly trying to affirm myself everytime that I'm trans, by thinking "oh if I feel this or think this that must mean this" or the contrary "oh if I'm not feeling and thinking this all the time I must be faking it" soo, I still don't feel like a girl, even tho I started using make up and dressing all femenine, I still feel like I'm faking being a girl, It's been so long since I was masc presenting, and I'm so afraid of doing it again, I started to leave my identity for a while, and presenting feminine is the safest way to feel okay, even when I want to present masc, I end up putting makeup and wearig skirts, because I dunno!, I dunno why I do it, I know I do it for everybody else not for me, I do it because I think I will looked the cutest with makeup and skirts, and even tho I love makeup sometimes I want to look like a loser dude and still feel confident doin it