There is this really weird awful split in my idea-fitting I'm starting to notice.
On the one hand, I so badly want to assume that people mean well, are fundamentally just doing their best, and that if I just keep working from that, everything that looks wrong is understandable, relatable, empathizable.
On the other hand, assuming malice is becoming almost comforting sometimes. When I am really emotionally rubbed down to the bone, usually. With enough assumed sick malicious intent, everything suddenly seems like really wise, genius brilliance.
And I so so so badly want to live in a world where everyone is at least as good of a mind as me, and I find it so hard to wrap my head around what seems like obvious cognition flaws -
- that sometimes, for now only in rare moments, my robust cognition for giving benefit of the doubt and good-faith idea-fitting buckles, and that assumption of malice really seems more plausible.
I think I maybe understand a little more now why people tend to assume malice so readily.