The thought that I could be allosexual and just confused my asexuality with aromantism is a thought that's been cropping up a lot lately and it's terrifying me.
Like it's easier to say that I'm ace/allo, it's easier to say that I'm simply aro/ace, but saying I'm allo/aro just scares me. Because while I know objectively this isn't true, a part of me feel that the moment I identify as allo/aro is the moment I become morally bankrupt. That no matter my sexual history, I will be this heartless creature who's only ever in it for sex in the eyes of the public. And like, I know that just internal aphobia but it scares me regardless.
An Archive of Our Own, a project of the
Organization for Transformative Works
I'm back!!!! This one is for @febuwhump day 10, "I'm sorry I didn't know"! It's uhh...idk about this one. It's ok I guess. :)))
Stars
As the ship lifted into the air, Anakin leaned his head back against the durasteel wall. He focused on the rumbling of the engine and the quiet chatter of the clones lining the opposite wall. He took a deep breath and stared at the sky through the windows. He had never been so grateful to be inside a transport.
The ship dipped to the side before it evened out on its course. Obi-Wan let out a soft sigh as his head fell on his shoulder. Anakin adjusted his grip on him. He clutched him around the middle as tight as he dared, his hand on his arm.
He peered at Obi-Wan's face. A smile crept onto Anakin's lips at his closed eyes and relaxed brow. Finally. He deserves some rest.
On his other side, Ahsoka shifted closer to him. She pressed her face into his chest and burrowed deeper into the robe Plo Koon had given her. Her eyes were closed as well and her breathing steady.
Anakin caught Rex's eye. Beside Ahsoka, he watched their dozing companions with a fond smile. "They're really tuckered out, aren't they?"
"Yeah, they are." Anakin's smile faded. He brought his hand up to rest on the back of Ahsoka's head. "We all are."
Rex's expression turned grim. "Yeah. That was..."
"A disaster," Anakin supplied.
Rex nodded. His gaze drifted to the floor.
Anakin's own eyes wandered back to the windows. He watched the blue sky gradually turn darker and the clouds transform into stars. They reminded him of Coruscant's city lights.
Coruscant reminded him of Padmé. A portion of the weight on his chest disappeared. I hope she knows I'm safe. I can't wait to get home.
Home...
His stomach began to churn. An old ache blossomed in the scar on his abdomen. Home. Tatooine. Detonator chips.
Shit.
Anakin's muscles tightened. His heartbeat pounded like a drum. He titled his head toward Rex. "Did they put chips in you and Obi-Wan?"
Rex raised his eyebrow with unabashed confusion and concern. "Chips, sir?"
"Detonator chips. I haven't known a slave master who didn't put some sort of security on their slaves."
Rex frowned. "There might have been something in the collars, but they never mentioned chips."
"They didn't inject you with anything?"
"No, sir."
Anakin exhaled and slumped down in relief. "Okay. Okay, that's good."
"Are you okay?"
"Yeah. I'm fine."
Rex opened his mouth, then promptly shut it.
Anakin sighed. "You can ask, it's okay." He paused and licked his dry lips. "I was a slave once, before this. I thought of the detonator chips because I had one. If I went too far from my master, it would have set off and I'd get blown up."
Rex swallowed thickly. "That's..."
"Awful, I know."
"I was going to say sick."
"That, too."
Rex looked down at his lap. "I'm sorry. I didn't know."
Anakin lifted one shoulder in a small, slow shrug, mindful of Ahsoka's sleeping figure. "It's okay. It was a long time ago."
Rex hesitated. He looked back up. "If there's ever anything I can do for you..."
Anakin nodded. "I'll let you know."
A beat of silence passed. Anakin cleared his throat somewhat awkwardly. "Thank you, Rex. For...for everything."
Rex leaned his head back against the wall. His gaze lingered on Obi-Wan, then Ahsoka, before it returned to Anakin. "Any time."
They exchanged a smile, a gesture that passed more between them than any words could. Rex put his hand on Ahsoka's shoulder and closed his eyes.
Anakin held Obi-Wan and Ahsoka a little tighter. He pressed a quick kiss to the dip between her montrals. He let his cheek fall on Obi-Wan's head.
He watched the stars go by and listened to his family breathe.
glistening chandeliers lay overhead the incredibly long table lined with a mix of gen and hal’s family and friends. chattering amongst the dinner party carries, filling the room. genesis sits quietly, poking her stuffed ( very overpriced ) eggplant on her plate with her fork. maybe she’s too much in her head worried, that the wall of roses wouldn’t get delivered on time tomorrow. or, the monogrammed fuchsia pink napkins would be on the reception tables rather than the baby pink ones she swapped them out for. there’s no doubt this wedding isn’t gonna be like others. it’s a camera shy of a production. and a production like this wedding requires countless emails and phone calls. it’s taking alot of power to not check her email. for the next thing she needs to iron out. “baby,” she starts, with a soft sigh. her voice is low, just barely making it through the table’s mix of conversation. “what if it rains?” the wedding is definitely indoors. though, poor weather will definitely impede on any scenic outdoor photography. @ofhal
