taglist (I remembered!): @thepotatowearsprada @x-i-a-t @wannaseemeinabikini @lillayalightfoot @clarissalopeswriter
Frances had fallen asleep about half an hour ago, so it was just me and Kutcher who were up. We sat on the ground, our backs against the end of my bed, slouched over and flipping channels on the TV.
“Hey, is that Victorious? Let’s watch this,” Kutcher said.
“I didn’t really watch it as a kid, is it good?”
She glanced at me out of the corner of her eye. “Dude. It’s the best show ever. Also, I have a crush on Jade.”
I laughed. “Alright.”
I slouched more, sinking closer to the ground. My spine was shaped like a C. This was probably horrible for me. But when it’s one in the morning and you’re watching a kid’s show, there’s something about it that makes you feel like you have to sit in an unnecessarily awkward position.
Kutcher yawned, and rested her head on my shoulder. “I’m tired. I think this show is going to put me to sleep.”
“You’re like my dad. He can only get, like, 15 minutes into a movie before falling asleep.”
“A lot of my foster dads were like that. I guess it’s just a dad thing.” She offered a tired grin, and closed her eyes. “I always knew that I would make a good father.”
“How many foster dads did you have?” I was tempted to stop talking and let her sleep, but I knew that she liked it when people talked to her as she fell asleep. I talked to her for most nights, I should’ve been used to it by then, I suppose, but it still felt sort of strange. I always felt sort of bad.
“A lot. I don’t know. Maybe seven.”
I let out a low whistle. “Seven. Huh.”
“Yeah.”
“I guess you’re pretty excited to find your biological parents?” She nodded. “Are you worried at all?”
“Why would I be worried?”
“I don’t know. Lots of people are scared when they meet their biological parents.”
She paused. “I mean, I am a little worried, I guess. But I’ve put so much effort into finding them, I don’t want to think about any of that.” She was quiet for what felt like a long time. “Could I tell you something?”
I furrowed my eyebrows, but I tried to keep the concern out of my voice. “Sure.” There was a big laugh track in the background from Victorious, and in the back of my head, I wondered what the joke was. I realized I hadn’t been paying attention at all.
She spoke slowly. “I’m really close to finding them. There are just like, two more papers I have to go pick up.” She stopped, and breathed out slowly. “I guess I’m just here with you guys because I am scared. I want to delay finding them a little longer, you know? I know, it’s weird, but I don’t know. I just feel like if I’m going to be disappointed, it might as well be later.”
I nodded. “That makes sense. You should wait as long as you need to.” And maybe I said it because I liked talking to her as she fell asleep every night, and having her as a friend was one of the best parts of my life right now, but that didn’t make it any less true. “Do you know what you’re going to say to them? Once you find them?”
“I actually haven’t thought about it much. I never thought I would actually find them, I guess.”
“Aren’t you happy to have pretty much found them, though?”
She smiled a bit. “Yeah. I am. I… I’ve always wanted a real family.” And I wanted to tell her that she felt like family to me, but I didn’t. Maybe I should’ve. Maybe things would’ve been different if I had. I think about that sometimes.
It was my turn to talk, but I wasn’t really sure what to say, so I changed the subject. “Are you excited for our adventure tomorrow?”
She nodded, and sighed (but it was the good sort of sigh). “I am. I really like adventure. I’m really glad that I’m out here going on adventures with you two.”
“We’re glad too. It feels like you’ve been with us the whole time, you know?”
Kutcher laughed a bit, and nodded. “Yeah. It does.”
And I still didn’t tell her that she felt like family to me, but I think maybe she knew. I hoped so, at least.
