The Time is now....
For so long I have ran away from the idea of “selling out” and totally surrendering all. Afraid to give up my idea of what my life should look like, afraid of disappointing my parents, afraid of failing as a mother, afraid of living a lonely life, afraid of letting go of what felt good to my flesh, afraid of losing the people that somewhat conveniently loved me, and the list runs long of all the fears that kept me from giving Him a for sure yes. Who wants to look like a failure? Who wants to be perceived as weak? Who wants to be falsely accused? Who wants to be talked about? Who wants to be lied on? Who wants to be betrayed? Who wants to be abandoned? Who wants to be rejected? Who wants be heartbroken? Who wants to be left behind? Who wants to be overlooked? Who wants to be alone? Who wants to lose everything? A person desperate for the life they were created to live, a life that gives Him glory. A person who realizes the reward of not counting their life dear in their own eyes. I have been allowing fear to invade my heart and mind and in that my decisions have brought every contrary to what I desire. I allowed everyone else’s words to frame my life. I allowed my experiences of my childhood to frame how I viewed life as an adult. I spoke failure over myself before I would even try. Until today!!! There is so much in me. Power I haven’t even tapped. Gifts that haven’t even been activated. I am full of purpose. I can no longer run from what He said. I can no longer give any more excuses. I have placed my trust in so many knowing they were incapable of being all I needed, yet I was avoiding placing all my trust in the ONE incapable of failure. I was created for a purpose I may not yet know to its entirety what it is, but just knowing I was created for a purpose is enough for me to pursue it! Its funny how no matter what we do, no matter how off course we may get, no matter how much we rebel, no matter how much we disobey, God seems to use all that to get us right where He wants us to be and right on schedule. I don’t know what the future holds for my children and I, nor do I know what will become of my most recent decision but what I am completely confident and sure of is that if I lose everything, and if everyone walks away; He will NEVER leave me nor forsake me and He most definitely has a plan! Even when He seems silent He still speaks. Even His no is a blessing. Even what He delays is a set up for His plan to work out perfectly and right on time. I am so grateful that He is not like man. For a long time I preached what I was not living. Able to tell someone else about the goodness of God and all He can and will do if you simply trust Him and surrender all to Him, yet I was running, yet I was not surrendering all to Him, yet I was making my problems bigger than Him, yet I would purposely show up late to church service to avoid being used. I was a coward. NOW my heart cries out “ALL I WANT, ALL I NEED, AND ALL I CRAVE IS......YOU LORD” and my actions follow!!! Everything I was, am, and will be is all because He created me for HIS GLORY!!