What do I value in my relationships? It differs. I can use this smorgasbord of 16 boxes with anyone I know. Some people I want to be friends and collaborative partners with. Others, I want to focus on romance and sex. With, Vic, my life partner, I choose a lot of these boxes. Romance, friendship, domestic, sexual, physical touch, life partner, co-carer for the pug etc. What if I value some of mine higher than Vic does? I might hold sex, friendship and living under the same roof (domestic) as highest. Where as Vic might hold romance, sex, physical touch and emotional intimacy as highest. If suddenly we're in a low point in our relationship and Vic tells me I should move out for a few weeks. Shock. My heart is broken. I hold 'domestic' as being so high that I basically feel like she's ending the relationship. I go into trigger and feel like a victim. But previous to this, for months I've been too busy to show emotional support or truly show up romantically. So Vic feels like I'm half way out the door. This has happened to us in the past. Using this guide I can see how miscommunications can happen so frequently and unexpectedly. I hear so often from clients, 'I've done nothing wrong. I was trying my best.' And that's their truth. But without frameworks on how to know a partners expectations, we aren't always going to speak the same language. In my Open Relating, I'm not offering Life Partnership to anyone but Vic. I am blatant about that. But I am still offering most of the other boxes. Because I know this about myself it creates a field of clarity around me to potential partners. I know what I'm offering and if it aligns with them, we create something. Magic. 👌 I'm not someone potentially, maybe... maybe a little bit on the undercurrents offering intimacy... and then a hop, skip and jump to life long monogamy. Or someone offering sex and emotional support... and then ignoring you forever once we've had sex. This is why Open Relating is about communication. We have the frameworks to do it clearly. Do you know what you're available to offer? Do you know what you value highest in your relationships? #OpenRelating #IgnitedHearts (at Gold Coast, Queensland) https://www.instagram.com/p/Bvfjv7Bn7Ss/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=1hzlx9lo9nxc8
