#ihaterelationships

[allthingslee]

Entry 003: Why?

Last month, we fought cos you said you wanted to meet up with this girl and I said no and we almost broke up. This month, you asked me again and to just to cut all the crap, I said okay. 

Few questions:

Why are you so eager to see her?

Why do you crave for her more than you crave for me?

What’s up?

In the back of my mind, you wouldn’t ask permission if you were cheating, but why do you want to be with her this bad?

It must be fun knowing I’ll be in misery.

[dramacritique]

Personal Achievements

So I am turning 21 and life is not quite what I imagined it to be. Life semi sucks at the moment because I have no sense of worth at all. What I’m I doing in this life? Why do I even cease to exist? What do I have to offer this world? Nothing? something? I do not quite know... Sometimes I drown myself in Korean shows and dramas to escape the reality of my dysfunctional relationship with people. There are countless times where I just want to say to people “Hey, Shut the hell up and leave me the fuck alone. okay? I don’t need your mother fucking bullshit right now because I already have plenty of shit on my plate. So shut the fuck up and leave me the fuck alone!” You do not know how fucking tiring it is to try to be emotionally invested in your relationships and always considering other peoples feelings. Like that shit is a 24/7 career. I’d be Kylie mother fucking billionaire Jenner right now. Unfortunately, I am not. Relationships are fucking hard to manage, especially with those mother fucking mind games. 

My advice to you is do FUCKING not commit to a relationship if you can’t even fucking commit and love yourself first because BITCH you will fucking experience mother fucking hell! Relationships are a pain in the fucking ass. Let's get mother fucking real here, “love” aint no fucking fairytale that shit is a fucking nightmare. In all honesty, if I could be single right now, I would be in a heartbeat but I just can’t harness all the courage to let go... This is so motherfucking sad. I am a complete failure.

[shattermewithintheshadows]

You know what the funny thing is? The blanket I use the most is the one I got from an ex boyfriend. Who knew I would get more warmth from a blanket than I got from our relationship.

[ashlovan]

This Sucks.

After being with the same person for so long it’s so hard to start over. You make up these plans in your mind and you want them to go accordingly, but all of sudden love gets lost and it’s not the same anymore. I don’t want to go through this, all over again... People say I deserve better, but don’t I deserve to be happy? What if he’s the one that makes me happy then what do I do? I hate breakups, I hate having to move on. It’s not because I want to be comfortable where I am, it’s because I wanted to grow with this person. Inside and Out.

[skyshine]

I don't know if I'm mad at you or just bored.

[myheartonfire]

I didn't think it would end up like this. I desperately hoped it wouldn't. But now I'm alone again, and all I can say is that it happened, and like those that came before you, I have to get over you now. I hate that. How we got so close to each other and for what? To become strangers again. It's painful.