#iiwl

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@very-super-silly what if i rewrote iiwl but like better

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this scares the shit out of me for no reason but here's the first chapter of a thing i did

i thought a lot today about writing and stuff. i don't really like this draft. i'll probably edit it eventually and revise so it's something i'm more proud of but i've been wanting to actually share it and then not doing anything because i was scared. i'm trying to do it scared lol. anyway here

(@very-super-silly i did it...)

NOAH

1 - 1

My name is Noah Scott. 

Noah Scott is dead.

If you ask anyone from back home about me, they’ll lower their heads and mutter something about “gone too soon” or “he was such a good kid”. Everyone knows that Noah Scott is dead.

So why am I alive?

And why don’t I remember anything else?

1 - 2

Her name is Addison Preston.

She doesn’t know me. I wish she did.

At least, I think so.

I woke up in an unknown place with strangers wandering about and a busy road nearby and nothing but the knowledge of my death and her.

But she doesn’t know me.

I wish she did.

1 - 3

This is what I remember.

There was a car. I think. Or maybe an airplane?

No, I think it was a car. Definitely a car.

And then there was water. Lots of water. Water everywhere. I don’t like water anymore.

And then…

And then there was Addison.

And I remember that I was scared. I was really scared, I was terrified, but then I wasn’t.

Because there was Addison.

I was okay because there was Addison.

I’m scared now. I’m alone in a street full of people I don’t know. I’m scared now. I miss Addison.

I don’t know Addison.

I feel like I should.

This is what I remember.

1 - 4

This is what I know.

The sky is black, or maybe a deep navy blue. Like how you’d always imagined it would be like if you lived on Saturn when you were five.

The buildings are glass. Or silver. Or something shining. Which is strange because there’s no real source of light. It’s as if the city itself produces its own light. As if the city is glowing.

There are no cars. Just people. Most of them are on the older side, but there are some that are younger.

Everyone looks happy. Everyone. It’s unsettling, but welcoming at the same time.

Somewhere on the horizon, the buildings stop. Cut off. They end. It is like this in every direction.

This is what I know.

1 - 5

I found out that other people here are supposed to be dead. I saw someone about six years older than me, 23 or so, sitting on a bench alone and so I asked him where we were.

He said, “It’s called he city of stars. How’d you get here?”

I told him how I really shouldn’t be here, how I had… died?

“On the contrary, I believe that you should be here. Everyone that I’ve met in the past week since I’ve been here has said the same thing. You’re in the right place, don’t worry.”

“Don’t worry,” he told me.

Don’t

Worry.

Don’t worry.

Don’t worry?

Don’t worry.

Worry not.

No need to worry.

I don’t have to worry.

Worry?

Why would I worry?

I’m not worried.

Really.

I’m not worried.

Not worried.

I’m not.

Not worried.

I’m not worried

I’m not

Don’t worry

I’m not

I don’t

I’m not worrying

Not worried

Not me

I’m not

Worried

Worrying

I’m worried

I’m worrying

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addison would do drugs one (1) time just to see what it was like. for scientific purposes. noah would do drugs one (1) time because she did drugs

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but what if they. wghat if. what if they were alive

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what would have happened if he'd gone.. omfg what would have happened if she'd stayed

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half of why it didn't work was because neither of them could prioritize the other. it's a miracle they were dating in the first place.

addison prioritized knowing over him. noah prioritized safety and comfort over her. put in an extreme situation, neither would pick their partner. they were never going to work out.

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i think it was clear from the start he never would have left. he never leaves his comfort zone because it's, well, it's comfortable. why would you quit while you're ahead? why would you risk something that's giving you stability? noah doesn't take chances because in his mind, nothing that works needs change. sure, he could take the risk for her. but something would always hold him back. what if?

what if it went wrong? is it possible to die twice? he already got lucky this time, he already found her again, what if this stole her away again? what if he lost her? what if it was worse? what if?

it was also clear from the start that she would leave, barring nothing. with or without him, she would leave. if for no other reason then to discover it was possible, she would leave. everything addison did came back to that. everything revolved around that. yes, she valued noah, yes, she loved him. but what use was a comfortable life with him if she didn't know? she could shove it down, sure, but it was always there. what if?

what if it was better? what if it could go back to how it was? what if they could build a life that was worthy of a fairytale? what if they could get out? what if she could save them? what if they could be okay? what if it was worth it?

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literally everything reckless she does is to see what happens.. curiosity gets the best of her every single time

he would never do any of the shit she does because a) he's too cautious b) if he does then who will help her and c) if someone advised against it then they know better