Chapter 14: Aftershocks
Part of the “Ilicit Limerence” series
Pairing: Javier Peña x F!Reader
Summary: Having learnt the bad news, the Peñas attempt to wrestle their way through it.. all the while making major advances towards Escobar's arrest.
Warnings: swearing, angst, pregnancy symptoms, mentions of death/health problems, arguing, mention of murder
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A/n: Nursing school is intense, lots of exams, super tired, but absolutely living my best life!
The Christmas party was a blur. You had put on somewhat of an act, managing to keep your friends and their daughter fooled. Though you couldn’t really recall much of what happened. You sat on the couch, untouched mug of (now cold) hot chocolate in your hand. You were surrounded by shreds and scraps of wrapping paper, the red and white bleeding into your vision.
Javier had offered to call it off and just spend the day together, but you’d insisted you wanted it to happen and wanted Olivia’s first Christmas with the Murphy’s to be a good one. He’d given a sympathetic, rather pitiful look but didn’t argue with you. He let you have your way, no questions asked.
You blinked when you felt a pair of hands carefully pry the mug from your hands. Your strained eyes focusing just in time to catch one of Javi’s lobsided smiles. Your empty hands found themselves folding in your lap, fingertips fidgeting with the nylon of your stockings. When he came back he sat down on the coffee table across from you, head hung low.
“Need anything?”, he asked softly.
You sighed loudly, straightening your back and looking him in the eye. “I’m okay, baby, just exhausted.”
“We can head to bed and just clean up tomorrow morning, or after work”, he offered, carefully reaching out to place a hand on your knee.
The weight of it was calming, drawing your attention and wavering thoughts right back to him. “Why uh, why don’t we get started now and see where we get?”
The rest of the night was spent in a heavy silence. One where you dared not trust your own voice nor emotions and one where Javier wasn’t sure he was ready to help you should you break. You miraculously succeeded to get through the entirety of the next day without too many questions, people at work assuming you were just fatigued from the festivities. There were some questions about the shiny band on your left hand, which you answered with a small smile and a quick retelling of the event. That day you spent your lunch break in an archive room, not wanting to face anyone, especially your soon-to-be-husband. As much as you loved Javier, you could not stand the look in his eyes. He looked at you the way he’d look at the girls from the brothel, as if there was no hope left for you.
Despite your lack of energy and conversing, he didn’t press, just made sure you were comfortable and settled. Only saw to it that you were healthy, well-fed and safe. He considered bringing it up but knew that out of the two of you, you’d actually tell him about it if you wanted him involved.
It was like that for a little over a week. You were quiet and dead-set on spending every waking hour either at the office or with your nose in reports, files and new information, be that credible or not. Now Javier was at his boiling point, the roles suddenly switched up on him; the role of brooding workaholic now befell you and he only now realised how it was not only agonizing, but deeply worrisome. You rarely spoke to him and when you did it was usually about some minor detail about the Escobar case that he couldn’t give less of a shit about. Sure, you were on you’re a-game in terms of work, but this was so unlike you. You hated it when work was brought into your shared home, or at least you used to, so to see you being the instigator of exactly that, was not only hypocritical to him but also just fucking upsetting.
Friday night was when he reached his breaking point. It was past two and he’d gotten out of bed, since he’d found it empty once again. He wasn’t putting up with your shit anymore and was adamant on giving you his piece of mind. When he sauntered into the living room you were sat on the floor between the couch and the coffee table. You had a file in front of you, a pen in your one hand and a mug in the other one. Javier heaved a long sigh, not quite managing to catch your eye.
“This is ridiculous”, he spoke up, striding over towards you.
You looked over your shoulder, a bit startled by his sudden appearance. “Hi honey, I’m almost done, why don’t you get to bed?”
“I fucking did alright, alone, two hours ago”, he snapped, resting his hands on his hips. “And not because I’m fucking tired or because I wanna rest my damn eyes, but because I’m fed up with this bullshit.”
Your brows knitted together in confusion as you let out a shy chuckle. “Javi, if you want me to come to bed with you, you can just ask”, you replied in a soft tone.
“I don’t want you to come to bed!”, he shouted back, “I want you to stop all of this shit, I want you to drop the act. It’s so fucking obvious what you’re doing”, he continued, taking a deep breath before continuing, ”and if you’re not ready to talk about it then fine, but this shit will not fucking fly any longer.”
You stood up, walking over to him. “So I’m doing some extra work, what’s the big issue? You know just as much as I that Escobar is on borrowed time and that we’re onto so-“
“Will you stop making this into something it is not”, he begged, enunciating the last couple of words very clearly. “This isn’t about Escobar or us, this is about your father.”
At that point you scoffed, starting to lose the very last bit of your patience. “You’re really going to do this?”
“Yes I am. Because if I don’t put a stop to this now you’ll just keep going and burn yourself out”, his voice started shaking a little at this point, “and I can’t let the mother of my son do that to herself.”
“Whatever, fine. You want me to go to bed, fucking watch me”, you bit back. “Will you tuck me in as well?”
He rolled his eyes, jutting his hip forward while crossing his arms over his chest. “You’re four months pregnant. So yeah, if you keep being this immature about it, I will treat you just like it. You wanna be treated like an adult, sweetheart? Start fucking acting like one.”
You clapped your hands, the gesture dripping with utter sarcasm. “Goodnight agent Peña.”
When you spun on your heels he was quick to turn you right back around, suddenly so close to you that you could feel his breath fan over your face. “You’re hurting and you don’t want me to help or get involved, fine by me. But you can’t expect me to stand by and watch you wear yourself down and beat yourself up over something that is completely out of your control.” He stroked a stray piece of hair out of your face. “You cannot expect me to let the one person I love do this to themselves. I’m here to protect you, even if that is from yourself and your own mind. No matter how much you push me away, I won’t fucking quit until I know you’re okay. And maybe you don’t realise it but you really aren’t as of right now.”
Your bottom lip started wobbling. Javier went to wrap his arms around you after he was done speaking, just wanting to comfort you. You clung to him so much so that you could feel his heart thundering under your fingertips, chest rising and falling against yours.
With a small voice you spoke up: “I just don’t know what to do.”
“We’ll figure it out, together.”
The night was filled with hushed whispers and promises and an insurance that you’d be alright eventually. You felt like an utter child, needing to be comforted after watching some scary movie. Parts of you were embarrassed by it all while others were still too numb to care whatsoever. Despite the heaviness and exhaustion dragging nagging at your conscience, sleep didn’t come easy. Javier was well aware of it, his hands rhythmically stroking your hair, hoping it would do something.
The first thing he did in the morning was call in to work. There was absolutely no way in hell he’d let you walk out that door for anything but some fresh air. While he was at it he also informed the embassy that he wouldn’t be in either, his anxiety finally having worn down the very last bit of his endurance. Steve would be able to cope a day or two without him, he was sure of it.
It was hard for him to cope with how angry he felt. He hadn’t felt anything like it. The concepts of love and the extremes surrounding it were still relatively new to him and therefore still incredibly hard to deal with. He oftentimes found himself wondering if it would always be like this; extreme highs and extreme lows or if eventually, a couple years down the line, the aches would dull and the edge would wear off.
Regardless, from where he was standing by the doorframe, eyes wandering over your sleeping figure, he knew it wouldn’t matter much. As long as you were here by his side he’d figure it out, no matter what.
By Wednesday he was back to work, while you due to emotional and pregnancy-related reasons, decided to extend your leave. Javier had made you book an extra appointment that week as well, having noticed that your syncopal episodes were becoming a bit too much of a reoccurrence over the last couple of days.
The man worried so much it’d become somewhat of a full-time job, insisting to come home over lunch breaks and get off as early as possible. He was happy to find you resting a lot, knowing your body still had to recover from all the overworking you’d put yourself through. Though the extra hours did grant you some extra days off, with Noonan’s kindest regards. Knowing you were on the mend meant that Javier was finally able to get some sleep himself, even if your tossing and turning often did wake him up. Your growing bump wasn’t helping much regarding the sleeping situation, bringing you more discomfort than anything as of right now. He’d brought it up with some of the ladies at the front desk, who kindly suggested he’d look into getting you some better pillows. Desperate to help in any way possible he made a quick stop at the market over lunch before coming home to you. You were up and walking, one hand in your hair as you were talking with someone over the phone. A quick smile was all he needed to know you’d spotted him, which he gladly returned. He put the pillows in the bedroom, hearing the horn slam down on the receiver in the process.
“You okay?”, he called from the bedroom.
You shuffled into the room, wrapping yourself around him. “It was my mother, she insists that if I want my inheritance I need to go back home. She won’t hear me, I don’t want any of his fucking money, I don’t want anything from him.”
He pecked your forehead, hands resting on your lower back. “We’ll discuss it later tonight alright? I got you some pillows, Brittany said it should help with the back pain.”
“Thank you so much Javi, I won’t be home until later tonight, I have that appointment to go to”, you reminded him, straightening the collar on his shirt.
He hummed in response. “You okay to drive there yourself?”
“How about I grab some takeout on my way back? Or maybe you finally wanna go hang with the guys”, you offered, smiling up at him.
He softly shook his head. “I have to tolerate those pendejos long enough as is. But I might request that meeting with Noonan, think we’ve got a decent lead.”
You softly pressed your lips against his, hands cupping his cheeks. “So proud of you, hermoso. Tell Steve thank you for the card.”
With another chaste kiss and a worrisome glance or five he was on his way again, leaving you to your own devices. The silence was a familiar feeling, having lived on your own for the most part of your adulthood did have its perks. The most frustrating part of it all was the fact that you didn’t know whether to feel guilty and sad or somehow just fucking relieved.
Nevertheless the mourning process was just the same, despite never having been overly fond of him, his death did leave a void within yourself. One that no amount of crying or blatant apathy could really seem to fix. You were in a state of constant perplexity now, having outgrown the anger and denial. Perplex in the sense that while you should’ve been an absolute wreck due to the grief that comes with losing a parent but all you could really feel was the constant knowledge that you’d never get the closure you truly deserved. There’s so many things you wanted to say to him, so many questions you still wanted answered and now it just felt like he got off easy one last time. It was frustrating, maddening even. The most tragic part of it all was that now he was gone your mother was set on rekindling the family and having everyone around the same table again, though you couldn’t forgive her for her ignorance, not yet anyway.
The appointment went just fine. Same old same old, don’t eat this don’t lift that. Just now when a good glass of wine seemed like the perfect solution to about two thirds of all your problems. As promised you decided to stop by one of the delis on the way home, in for some well-deserved comfort food. As you stood in line, car keys in hand, softly leaning on one leg, you couldn’t help but overhear some conversation. It was your turn to order but the words swimming through your ears were dizzying to say the least.
They were talking about some Escobar rumour, some rumour pertaining to the killings of hundreds of agents.
You stumbled out a quick standard order, tipping the cashier generally as you rushed out of there, hands shaking so much you could barely open up the car door. Your cell was back at home, now in your second trimester often forgetting small things. Fuck – you had to get to Javier fast. As you pulled out of your parking spot you prayed to God he’d be home already, safe and sound.
However he wasn’t. You frantically made your way over to the landline, dialling his number. As you listened to the dial tone, fingers fumbling nervously with the cord, you could feel your heartbeat racing. No answer. You called again, hearing the door open in the midst of it, your fiancé kicking off his shoes. You let out a strangled sob, letting the horn drop to the floor. He was on you in an instant, hands steadying you.
“Hey-hey, what happened?”
You were hastily looking him over, eyes scanning for any indication he’d been hurt. As you couldn’t find anything, vision blurring over with tears, your hands were shaking much that all you could really do was cling to him.
His fingers disappeared into your hair, lips hovering by your ear. “I need you to breathe with me alright. Just listen to me breathe.” With exaggerated breaths he attempted to calm you down, his own heart now racing, scared of what might’ve happened. When the crying more or less stopped he pulled away, looking in your eyes. “Did something happen at the doctor’s? Did he touch you?”
Your pressed the heels of your hands into your eyes, trying to ground yourself before speaking. “I-I overheard some conversation… sicarios”, you sighed, crossing your arms over your chest. “There’s a plan for a-a kind of raid.”
Javier’s contours were shifting and changing with every word you were saying, the weight of what you were saying dawning on him. “What did they say, I need you to remember querida.”
“They err-they mentioned the local police and the DEA, no particular names, just organisations”, you breaths started becoming more exacerbated again, “They plan to kill entire fucking teams, hundreds.”
Pulling you into his chest once again, he closed his eyes, trying to shush you. “I want you nowhere near that embassy for another week. For now we need to fill in Murphy.”
As he kept talking you just felt the worry make place for disgust and disdain, your stomach spontaneously twisting in a knot. Javier strode over to the phone, picking up the horn off the floor, dialling Steve. When he looked over he recognized the familiar bleak, greenish look on your face and briefly put the horn on his chest.
“Hermosa, it’s not your fault alright, we’re safe here, por favor go sit down.”
You just nodded meekly, clammy hand raking through your hair. He was already informing Steve when you took a seat on the couch, propping up the pillows before you decided to lay down, not trusting your blood pressure. Javier’s curses soon became background noise as your eyes shut, body suddenly overcome with fatigue.
“You know what this means right?”, he questioned his partner, “We’re getting too close, Pablo’s clutching at motherfucking straws now.”
High friend exhaled loudly, hesitating to ask his next question. “How sure are we about this intel? Her emotional state hasn’t been great as of late, maybe she misheard.”
“Cabron, she’s still an agent, and a damn good one at that, I trust her judgement, blindly.”
“I’m aware of that Peña, what I’m trying to say is that pulling teams could be big trouble for us. That’s a lot of lost progress.”
Steve was right and he hated that he was but then again, flipside of the coin. Working for the DEA would never be a guarantee, agents died every day. But now Javier had someone to come home to, someone to live for. He was apprehensive as well, seriously considering keeping away from the embassy for the next couple of days himself. Whatever the case, he’d have to meet Noonan.
“I’d rather discuss this with the big boss. Let’s sleep on it and keep to ourselves, no need for more panic.”
Steve hummed in response. “Make sure she’s alright for me, will ya?”
He let the horn hit the receiver harshly, not sure how to cope with this new information. When he turned around and saw you, quietly laid down he noticed you were still wearing your shoes. He carefully moved over to sit beside you, untying your laces and slipping them off.
“Please don’t go”, you murmured, eyes still closed.
He put a hand on your side, softly stroking his thumb back and forth. “We’ll figure this out alright, but Imma need you to stay out of this one.”
You opened your eyes, looking at him and slowly sitting upright. “When we got into this job we were both young with not a lot to lose, but now… there’s just so much at stake.” You put your head on his shoulder. “It’s absolutely terrifying.”
“Maybe it’s time for you to head back to the States”, he proposed.
You scoffed. “What do you mean ‘you’? I wouldn’t go without you.”
He got up, looking out the window as his shoulders slumped. “Escobar is ruthless, if they found out who you are let alone who you are to me, that’s the endgame.” His small posture was telling of exactly how afraid he was, had been. “I want you far away from all of this.”
“Javier no, I knew what I got myself into the day I moved here”, you chimed in, getting up off the couch.
With one step he closed the distance between the both of you, grabbing a hold of your shoulders. “Don’t you see? I want you to be safe and not have to worry if my wife and son are alive or not. Trust me, I’d rather keep you here and have you close to me but-“
“So then come with me”, you interrupted, “if our safety is such a priority to you, surely you wouldn’t mind picking up your old position again.”
His face fell. You’d cornered him, you knew exactly how invested he was in the hunt for Escobar and that he wouldn’t rest before it was over. You knew he’d lose this one. “You know I can’t do that, baby.”
“Then don’t bring it up again”, you ordered, not particularly pleased with the resurfacing of this argument. “I-I really don’t want to fight tonight, I just want to be close to you.”
He embraced you, lips plating a path of kisses along your hairline. “You’re shaking.”
“Yeah, I know”, you quietly replied, burying your nose in the crook of his neck. “Don’t let go. Not yet.”
As much as he hated to admit it, he felt the exact same way. He didn’t want you gone, on the contrary, but he also know that keeping you here was a risk in and of itself. The father in him wanted the best for you but the agent in him wanted you here, knowing your cunning and insightful takes were often the best leads. He honestly sure what ‘the best’ even was at that point. For now he knew you needed to be there, with him and as of later, he’d think about it right there and then.
The next week you were finally back at the office, now more alert than ever. Javier and Steve were rarely at their desks anymore, finally having somewhat infiltrated the prison. La Catedral was on the verge of its demise. And the unlucky delivery driver proved a solid informant, delivering evidence after evidence. You’d been somewhat promoted to Noonan’s right hand, relaying any and all information you’d pick up on in and outside of the embassy. People tended to overshare with a pregnant woman, not really seeing you as a threat.
It was another busy day today, your two partners stumbling into the office with big grins on their faces, immediately disappearing into Noonan’s office. You felt like you were missing out, but you were nonetheless incredibly happy and proud to know that this was finally coming to a close. About ten minutes into their meeting you’d been called, a coffee order. This was Noonan’s way of involving you into their discussions nowadays, valuing your second opinion more than Peña and Murphy’s combined.
“Agent, welcome. The men here were just briefing me about their latest discovery”, Noonan announced, a ghost of a smile dancing on her lips.
Javier stood up, offering you the chair as they started explaining away. They’d gotten their warrant; two men had mysteriously disappeared, under verysuspicious circumstances. The rest of the afternoon was spent making phone calls and arrangements. They were going in.
That night Javier was jittery with nerves. This could be it. And for the first time in weeks there was a candlelit dinner, with laughter and tender kisses. The mixture of anticipation, excitement and stone cold fear were soon set aside.
You were rinsing the plates when you felt him press up against you, lips and tongue abseiling down your neck. A moan slipped past your lips, his hands finding their way under your shirt, making quick work of your bra.
He spun your around, tilting up your chin with his thumb when he growled: “Esta noche celebramos.”
After clumsily making you way to the bedroom while stripping, your bare back finally hit the mattress. Javier followed immediately after, hands pinning your arms above your head, earning him a flush whisper of his name. His mouth was all over your chest, sore breasts being lavished with attention. He freed one of his hands to undo his belt, awkwardly shimmying out of his jeans, not wanting to waste any more time.
“Javi”, you called, eyes threatening to close in pleasure, “I want you to fuck me. Need you to ruin me”
That was all he needed to hear. With a deep grunt and a simple motion one of your legs was hooked around his waist, pulling his right into your heat. You whimpered at first contact, eyes begging him to just get to the good part already. He was just as – if not more – eager and slipped in all the way, in one languid, delicious stroke. The sound he made was pure sin and had you mewling straight away.
“Look so sexy, hermosa”, he panted, eyes hungrily roaming over your figure, back arching up off the bed. “So fucking good.”
He let go of your arms to support himself, feet digging into the mattress to switch up the angle and pace. You let out somewhat of a scream, muffling yourself as you let your teeth sink into his arm. The sensation had him letting out the darkest of chuckles, hips angling down even more. Nails digging into the skin between his muscular shoulders, you felt your whole body tingling, your impending orgasm ready to absolutely wreck you.
In between thrusts he attempted to communicate to you just how much he actually missed this, but only managed to babble out a “so close, gonna cum”.
When his lips latched onto your nipples you were done for, you moaned out his name as you fell off the edge, eyes closing as the waves of pleasure washed over you. His hips stilled soon after, arms shaking as he let out the most feral sounds. You let out a soft sigh, feeling him pull out, lips quickly pecking yours.
“I think we both needed that”, you murmured, slowly coming back to the real world.
“Desperately”, Javier exhaled a hand cradling your bump. “Don’t ever make me wait like that again.”
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