#illusilva

[snowaangel]

they’re saying silva touched illumi that’s why he quiet

[silvazoldycksbumpit]

silva has 100% drank illumi’s breast milk before

[snowaangel]

new fanfic go read

[snowaangel]

how could i say no to such a devoted follower 🤭

once again nsfw warning, more so than the last one, freaks only beyond this point

okay now that it’s just us freaks, this post is a continuation of the one about smaller boundaries that were crossed over the course of illumi and silva’s relationship

so the first thing i want to talk about is sharing beds. first of all, i think that silva and kikyo would have separate beds even from the beginning of their marriage. i’m borrowing this concept from mormons and other religions/cultures where men have multiple wives. in these situations there’s a concept of a marriage bed which is the bed in which a newlywed couple consummate their marriage. each wife has their own marriage bed and that’s typically the bed that they sleep in every night. so kikyo and silva each have their own beds that they sleep in, they share the bed when they have sex but afterwards they go back to their separate beds.

initially this would be the same case for silva and illumi, they either have sex in silva’s bed or illumi’s bed but they don’t sleep together. however, despite how i might make things seem sometimes, i dont think silva is a cold hearted monster and i think that even early on in their relationship he would allow illumi to sleep in his bed on days that were particularly rough or as a reward for good behavior.

speaking of good behavior, i do think that silva was getting off on illumi even before their relationship became explicitly sexual (even though he wouldn’t admit it to himself). silva is naturally a very dominant man and at least in illumi’s case he would absolutely leverage the power he has over her for his own pleasure. from ages 5-8 he would hold her to impossibly high standards, telling himself it was for the sake of her growth when really he was looking for excuses to punish her. these punishments would be cruel and humiliating but never explicitly sexual (this is pretty standard for the zoldycks, we see killua being chained up naked for a punishment) this kind of planted a seed in illumi’s mind which i’ll talk about later. whenever they actually started having sex, silva would avoid being needlessly cruel or violent and he became less strict because he realized that he was “overindulging” so to speak

as we’ve established, the sex was pretty bad up until killua was born even to the point of illumi suffering vaginal tearing and frequent infection due to not being able to get wet. the big shift happened after killua was born when silva gave illumi head and i want to stress that this happened HOURS after killua was born. leave that child ALONE!!!! but this is what sparked the development of their relationship because silva made the monumental discovery of “having sex with a partner who is actually aroused feels good actually” so he spoiled illumi a lot postpartum, mostly because he was really happy about having a new heir. this is when silva would start having sex with illumi purely for pleasure, kissing her and touching her maybe even (gently) hitting or biting her. i don’t think he would really make her reciprocate, he was mostly content to have her lie there and receive. anyway, this led to illumi becoming pregnant with alluka not even two months after having killua

alluka was a wake up call that things had gone too far. kikyo was obviously very upset since illumi and silva’s relationship was only supposed to be about producing an heir and now that that has happened it should be over. so kikyo makes silva promise to stay away from illumi and he does, leaving illumi to deal with her pregnancy and newborn baby alone. (slightly off topic but i have a headcanon that kikyo became pregnant with kalluto on the tail end of illumi’s pregnancy with alluka making it impossible for them to have the same mother)

in the interim, silva focused on repairing his relationship with kikyo and illumi kind of started to spiral. she blamed herself for ruining her parents’ marriage and was obviously under a lot of stress with killua and alluka. this is a big part of what caused her to latch on to killua so hard. he was her only source of comfort and she was terrified that he would leave him like her father did which is why she planted the needle in his skull.

silva pretty much ignored illumi until she was 15, i’m still not exactly sure what the inciting incident would be for this, but basically silva gets really mad and rapes illumi. (technically every time they had sex is rape, but those times illumi was aware of what was happening and was ok with it, but this time it was against her will) this goes back to the seed that was planted in illumi’s mind when she was little. even though at the time she didn’t understand that her father was hurting her for his own sexual pleasure, it created a link in her mind between sex and violence so whenever her father violently assaulted her it activated that part of her brain that had previously been inert. (and i know, i hate it when people are like “she was raped but she secretly liked it 😈😈😈” but it actually is very common for victims of sexual abuse to develop masochistic tendencies) this is when illumi becomes hypersexual and in turn begins actively sexualizing herself and becomes an active participant during sex. silva begins enacting some of his more violent fantasies onto illumi and they start to figure out what they both like eventually leading to this dynamic where most of the time they aren’t even having sex anymore silva is just beating the shit out of illumi and they’re both getting off on it. this is why their relationship is allowed to continue because they aren’t actually having penetrative sex which allows silva to manipulate the narrative like “what? a father can’t discipline his child?” *insert that meme where the guy pulls back the calendar to reveal that it’s 1984*

once illumi is a little bit older, like 18/19, they have their whole hypermasc self loathing phase (largely triggered by the nanika situation) and in this time they are very much sex repulsed. this pretty much continues until the hunter exam when they start hanging out with hisoka and the hypersexual switch gets flipped on again (i would like to mention illumi is not nearly as submissive with other partners as she is with silva*. with hisoka i hc illumi to be a dom bottom which means this time illumi’s the one beating the shit out of hisoka while he gets a boner about it. and i imagine chrollo is pretty vanilla which illumi would probably get bored with, but she likes chrollo’s personality and she thinks he’s hot so. cloth mother wire mother)

*there’s actually a comic about this very funny

[snowaangel]

HAVE YOU EVER LISTENED TO MOONLITE NICOLE DOLLANGANGER IF YOU HAVENT I THINK YOU SHOULD I THINK IT WOULD FIT ILLUSILVA ESPECIALLY THE LINE I GOT THIS PHOTO IVE TRIED TO BURN BUT IT DONT LIGHT I STAY ON THE DRINK AND YOU STAY ON MY MIND

i just listened to it and oh my god. every single lyric fits them so perfectly i can’t even pick one out they’re all so good wtf

putting it here so everyone can listen immediately

you were my girl, my thing, my pet// to do anything i wanted with

[snowaangel]

i’ve been thinking a lot about silva lately, trying to flesh him out more because idk about you, but stoic unflinching evil man isn’t very compelling to me. a very present theme in illumi and silva’s relationship is wanting something that you can’t/shouldn’t have and struggling against that desire and ive only really thought about this from illumi’s perspective, but as i think about it more this makes a lot more sense as something silva would struggle with because like, illumi has been groomed basically from birth, she knows it’s wrong in theory but it doesn’t really compute for her. silva however, was very much aware of what he was doing when it started

he makes excuses for himself, it was strictly functional, illumi wanted it, if she didn’t she should’ve fought back, but he can see the effect he’s had on illumi, how broken and maladjusted she is solely due to his actions. it was selfish from the start. the decision to use illumi as a surrogate wasn’t truly made out of desperation, silva was taking advantage of the situation to justify what he had wanted all along. i’m toying with the idea that aside from kikyo’s issues with fertility, silva just couldn’t get it up for her anymore. silva wanted illumi since she was very young, but i think he struggled with that a lot. even while he was actively abusing illumi he refused to admit to himself that he wanted illumi. he just kept making excuses for himself, once it stopped being about procreation it’s that he was just frustrated, every man has needs right? the irony is that illumi wants him to want her, her obsessive devotion to her family members has always been encouraged, she feels no need to hide the fact that she’s in love with her father. she wants silva to love her, she wants him to want her, but he won’t let himself

[snowaangel]

sick about illusilva this morning, believe it or not

[snowaangel]

i’ve been making an effort to flesh out silva’s character in my mind and explore the parts of him that are vulnerable and sensitive but in doing so i feel like i’ve kind of neglected the part of him that’s extremely angry and violent so now i have to find the balance between the two parts of him

in short, i miss silva beating the shit out of illumi