Oh funny seeing you guys here! Heh... So it's been like 2 years (yikes sorry) But hey I'm a college sophomore now! So I randomly thought about this fic today and found this finished draft, and figured I would publish it for anyone who still exists in this fandom! Anyway, here it is :) Also I may or may not go back to edit all the old parts bc damn is the writing cringy in the early ones lol
- The night of the barn-raising -
Kai sits next to me on my couch at the end of my bed, curled up on herself, cradling her cup of tea to her chest. “So, are you ready for the start of the engagement tour tomorrow?” Kai questions me, taking a sip of her tea. A tight knot of anxiety forms in my stomach, and I nod absentmindedly. “Y-yeah, as ready as I can be,” I chuckle lightly, watching my fingers trace the lip of my mug. Kai doesn’t say anything for a moment, and I look up to see her studying me.
“...what?” I ask, the sides of my lips quirking up in nervousness. Kai sighs slightly before speaking. “You just seem- off. I thought you would be ecstatic about this, I mean, you actually found a guy you really love,” Kai explains, and I have to look away again, studying the detail in my curtains. Not the guy you think, a voice mutters within me sourly. She has no idea what she’s talking about. I jump at a sudden hand on my arm. My eyes flit up to meet Kai’s concerned eyes. “Just talk to me,” Kai implores quietly. I gulp.
She tilts her head to the side, raising her eyebrows at me. I can’t lie to her. I sigh, placing my mug down, before bringing both my hands into my lap, twiddling my fingers. “Well, it’s sort of a long story... but the truth is, I’m not in love with Liam,” I say carefully, wincing at Kai’s taken aback expression.
I take a beat to build any last courage, not being able to look at her as I continue. “I’m in love with... Drake. My bodyguard.” I blurt out. I brave a glance up at her as she physically reels back in shock, making a shocked-scoff sound. She shakes her head. “You’re... oh god, Alana!” Kai swears, shaking her head. I look away, my heart falling. I was hoping she could help me through this, not turn on me.
“Alana. You are the Queen of Cordonia. You can’t keep sleeping around like this! You're engaged! I cannot believe you." Kai huffs, slamming her mug down and standing up. “Why are you so upset? You don’t know the half of it! How can you judge me when you don’t even know what you’re talking about?!” I exclaim, frustration starting to build in me, making her roll her eyes.
“I don’t need some lame excuse from you Alana. Of course, you could never actually have your life together for once. Honestly, I was surprised when I first came home and your life wasn’t a mess! I guess deep down I just waiting for the ball to drop. Liam is an amazing guy! How could you do that to him?” She asks me, making tears well in my eyes. Like I didn't feel guilty enough about that.
“Good to know that you think I’m a failure as well as everyone else in this family. Thanks for enlightening me.” I snap sarcastically, my voice cracking. Kai just shakes her head at me, looking over at me with distaste. “God. I thought you were better than this,” she says, stinging my skin. Kai turns and storms out, and I collapse onto the couch, the tears falling freely.
- the next day, in the train, en route to Italy -
Watching the Cordonian countryside fly by outside the train window, I still feel stung from last night. Next to me, Liam reads the news, and Max and Kai sit across from us. Kai still refuses to look at me, and I catch her glancing over at Drake and then at Liam a couple times. I just wish she would let me explain fully.
We all sit in peaceful quiet, Max chuckling a couple times at his phone. Of course, our peaceful atmosphere doesn’t last. The door to our dining compartment slides open, and Leo strolls in. “Ah, good morning all,” He grins, making us all look up.
“It’s twelve,” Liam says amusedly, still looking down at his newspaper. “And?” Leo asks, before sitting at a chair across from our booth, stretching fully on his seat. “So are we excited to be starting this tour?” Leo quirks, watching all of us in his characteristic fox-like manner. It’s... unsettling. “Yeah, why wouldn’t we be?” Maxwell asks, putting his phone down.
“Oh, I don’t know, maybe because you were all targeted at a ball by terrorists just a couple months ago?” Leo says sarcastically, making my stomach flip. I close my eyes for a moment, composing myself. A pang of pain shoots through my shoulder. I ignore it, knowing it's just psychological. It’s not fun to be reminded of the worst night of my life.
“Kai and I excluded of course,” Leo adds, sending her a quick wink, eliciting a roll of her eyes, visible annoyance flashing across her features. “Well, thanks for the reminder, but there isn’t much we can do.” Liam sighs, tossing his newspaper on the table in front of us. He must have realized he won’t be able to read it in peace.
Smart.
“What do you mean, 'there isn’t much you can do'? Alana is the Queen isn’t she?” Leo asks, his eyes settling on me. I grit my teeth. “Yes Leo, I am the queen. But Cordonia has always been peaceful. We don’t have any enemies, at least that we know of, and the palace’s task force is investigating it. There isn’t anything else we can do,” I explain, making Leo pull a face.
“God, a task force? No wonder nothing is getting done. What you need to do is take it into your own hands. Hell, we’ll help you,” Leo says, taking me aback. “I don’t know-“ I start, but get cut off by Maxwell’s gasp.
I glance over in concern to see him looking down at his phone in shock.
“What?” Liam asks, and Max looks up at me hesitantly. “Uhm. Something happened.” Max whispers, his voice quivering nervously.
My heart leaps in my chest. “It’s not another attack?” Drake asks from beside us, his sudden deep voice making me jump. Max shakes his head, turning the phone screen for me to see, his face crinkled with discomfort. I grab his phone my stomach falling. It’s a tabloid article, with a picture of Tariq and me in my room at Applewood manor, a black rectangle edited in where my underwear-clad body should be. The way the photo is taken makes it seem like I wanted him there, making bile rise up my throat at the thought.
Liam leans over to take a look, his eyes widening. “Son of a bitch,” Drake curses from behind us. “Liam, I promise, that’s not what happened,” I blurt out, my heart hammering loudly in my chest.
“‘Thou shall not commit adultery, something Queen Alana clearly doesn’t believe. Affair with Tariq revealed the day Queen Alana’s engagement tour starts.’” Kai reads out, her eyes flicking up to meet mine. I gulp, knowing she probably believes it.
“Alana is right, Liam, I was there. Tariq broke into her room and tried to take advantage of her while she was changing. Luckily I was walking by and took care of him before he could touch her,” Drake explains, and I glance at Liam, my chest heaving with panic. Liam looks at me, and nods, relief flooding through my body.
“I believe you, don’t worry babe. I’m sorry you had to go through that,” Liam reassures me, holding my hand. I smile appreciatively. “I’m sorry too Al,” Maxwell says, and I nod my heart hammering.
God, this is just what I needed in my life. Another thing to go wrong.
“Look! Another example! Someone is after you Alana, and your ‘task force’ is not going to help you. We should all work together and find the motherfuckers doing this to you!” Leo exclaims, and Maxwell nods. “I agree, you don’t deserve this,” Max chimes in, making me smile slightly.
I sigh, mulling over my options in my mind. Leo is partly right, our palace investigation has found close to nothing, it couldn't hurt to have more help, right?
"Oh okay, we may as well," I concede, to Leo and Max’s happiness. My mind starts running a million miles a minute. While Leo and Maxwell start to discuss plans, Kai still looks over at me warily, making my heart sink. I haven’t always been the stable and responsible one like her, but it breaks my heart that she turned her back on me so quickly before knowing all the information.
“You in Kai?” Leo asks her, making her turn her head to look at him with a strange expression. “Yes I suppose,” She agrees after a moment of thought, making me smile slightly in appreciation. “Okay, we need to figure out who took these photos. There’s no way they were legally allowed to be at the manor that time of night. They either formed the story themselves or were paid to do so,” Leo explains, surprising me slightly with his knowledge and seemingly instant readiness of the situation.
Maxwell scrolls down his phone, looking for the photographer’s name at the bottom of the article. “Uh just hold on a sec... okay it looks like the photographer is named Minnie Godard. Can we find a way to track her on social media or something?” Maxwell asks, making us mumble in thought.
“No need,” Leo says smoothly, causing us to turn to him in confusion. After a moment- “Of course.” Kai groans.
“What?” Maxwell asks. Leo grins wider as Kai sighs with exasperation.
“He slept with her,” She groans in a disgusted tone. Leo nods. “Darling, you know me so well,” he grins. “Don’t you dare call me darling, you pig.” she snaps back to him heatedly.
“Can we not fight please?” Liam asks, “Leo, can you contact her?”He asks, turning to Leo, who nods, scrolling through his phone.
“Who knew? Having a man-whore on our team actually has its benefits,” Kai mutters, making Maxwell snicker.
—-
Drake’s POV
Later that night I stand outside Alana’s door on the train, waiting for her to finish getting dressed for the party tonight. I guess this makeshift 'team' be a good idea, but having all these civilians, noble civilians at that, trying to solve a national conspiracy seems very dangerous. But I don’t think it’s possible to change their minds and the palace task force isn’t getting anywhere. I just hope no one gets hurt again, especially Alana. I don’t know what I would do if she was hurt.
“Hey Drake, can you come in here?” Alana’s muffled voice calls through her door. I slide it open to see her standing in front of her floor-length mirror, wearing a deep red gown, the beads on the plunging neckline sparkling in the low light. Soft vintage music plays in the background and I have to catch my breath for a moment. It’s not an unusual habit of mine when I’m around her. She is so undeniably gorgeous. As I take her in, I can’t help but think about the last time we were alone in the spa. And the ways that I touched her, the sounds she made.
She has her back to me, her dress only partly zipped up, showing her bare back. “Do you mind?” She asks, looking back over her shoulder at me. I close the door behind me and silently nod before gently brushing her hair to the side which she holds in place. Vivid pictures of her underneath me last night flashes through my mind as I grasp the metal zipper and start to pull upwards.
I finish the zipper at the back of her neck, and she shudders as my fingers brush across her sensitive skin. She turns around and I notice we are suddenly very close as she gazes up at me. As I look down at her, I suddenly feel an overwhelming feeling of adoration. God, I love her. The dark specks in her eyes, her lightly freckled cheeks, and perfect lips. Her kind and ambitious soul, her incredible habit of making everyone around her fall in love, just...everything. She is everything. I bring my hand up to brush against her cheek as I take a moment to admire her. “everything okay?” she whispers softly, her eyes searching mine, seemingly sparkling in the low light. I smile and nod. “I just- love you,” I respond honestly, making her smile, her eyes crinkling at the edges.
I suddenly feel very lucky that of all the people for her to love, she chose me. I can barely believe it. She wraps her arms around my neck, pulling me into an embrace and my arms fall instinctively around her waist, pulling her body to mine. “I love you too,” Alana whispers to my ear, and I hug her tighter, a warmth spreading through my chest just from being close to her. A new song starts to play, Put Your Head on My Shoulder. I smile and pull away slightly before starting to dance slowly with her. She giggles softly, swaying along with me.
We dance slowly with each other. No fancy dance moves, no waltz. Just two people slowly swaying together, enjoying the few minutes alone.
“This was one of my dad’s favorite songs,” I say after a while. I feel vulnerable opening up about my past, but I know it’s what Alana wants. She deserves to know me better. I feel her smile against my neck. “He has very good taste,” She mumbles. I blink. “Had,” I correct her quietly. She stops. Then she pulls away to look at me. “You lost your dad too?” She asks softly. I nod. Her eyes soften. And not in an ‘Aw you poor pitiful thing’ way but in a ‘I understand your pain’ way.
“Losing a parent is one of the hardest things that you can go through. I’m glad we have each other,” Alana softly says, bringing her hand up to brush a strand of hair away from my face. “Always,” I nod. She smiles wider, before pulling me back towards her and into our precious swaying. I tell her about how my parents used to dance in the kitchen late at night, often to this song. She laughs and tells me that they must have been much better than us, which may or may not be true. As the song start to wind down I spin her gently and then dip her down, making her giggle.
I hear a noise and look up, still holding Alana in the dip, to see Kai standing in the doorway staring at us. My stomach drops and I quickly bring Alana back up. Kai blinks at me with a shocked, surprised expression. I gape at her, not knowing what to say. She just looks at Alana for a second, a thoughtful look on her face. “The cars are here to take us to the party,” Kai finally says flatly with a glance at me before leaving. I turn to Alana, my eyes wide.
She grimaces. “Don’t worry, she already knows. Doesn’t approve, but she knows” Alana exhales. I sigh. “This isn’t going to mess things up for you will it?” I question, worry eating at me. Her eyes soften. “I appreciate the concern Drake, but it’s okay.” she pauses, her eyes going slightly downcast. “But, if only right?” she quietly asks. My heart twists in my chest. To hear her voice my deepest desire I have had since I met her, is hard. I tilt my head to the side, quietly looking down at her. I don’t even know what to say.
“ALANA!” Maxwell screams from down the hall, making both of us jump. “I guess we should get going,” Alana mumbles with a smile that doesn’t seem to reach her eyes. I don’t have the heart to respond, just wordlessly offering my arm for her to take. She takes a deep breath before slipping her arm into mine and walking out with me.
——
I follow Liam and Alana around the party as they greet all the foreign politicians, ambassadors, and occasionally, the press. The party is in an Italian hotel with massive windows. Through which the party-goers admire the old architecture of the city lit up as they discuss the politics of whatever country they lead. My heart steadily gets heavier the longer I endure their rehearsed conversations urging these nobles to attend the wedding and excusing the scandal as tabloid fake news that will soon be sorted out. The other nobles can relate, the tabloids constantly try to ruin their reputations. Eventually, they take a break by sitting down at a table with the rest of the group, Max, Kai, and Leo.
“Okay so Minnie is the one in that blue dress over there,” Leo says with a low voice, pointing to a redhead in the group of photographers permitted inside. “Just as hot as I remember,” Leo adds with a wink, making Kai scrunch her face in disgust. “You’re a gross man, have I ever told you that?” She asks, and Leo’s grin grows wider as he leans in closer to her. “Yes and I love it every time,” He says lowly, making her lean away from him in disdain, her eyes shooting daggers.
“How about we figure out a plan?” Maxwell says, suddenly cutting in, clearly uncomfortable with the hostility. Leo finally looks away from Kai and looks at Maxwell. “Well, we need a way to get her separate from the photographers. I tried to message her, but she left me on read,” Leo says, ending in a quiet tone. Kai snorts. “Serves you right,” She mutters under her breath.
“Okay well, how do we do that?” Liam asks Leo expectantly. Leo chews on his bottom lips for a second, deep in thought. As a new song starts to play and a new group of people starts to dance in the middle. Leo suddenly looks up with a mischievous smirk. “I know what to do. Kai, I’m going to need your hand with this. Literally,” Leo says standing up and offering her his hand.
Kai scoffs. “No! why would I do that?” She exclaims, clearly shocked that he would even consider her help. “Kai. Seriously we need to do this, no matter how much you hate me. And I need a single yet eligible woman,” Leo adds, raising his eyebrows expectantly. Kai glances at Alana then looks back at Liam. “Fine,” She mutters reluctantly, taking his hand.
Leo takes Kai to the dance floor and begins to waltz with her, eyeing the photographer all the while. The two of them seem to have a conversation, Kai only talking through her gritted teeth, clearly uncomfortable. I glance to my side and observe Alana watching Leo like a hawk, staring at his hands unflinchingly. I smile. It’s interesting to see her role as a protective big sister.
I haven’t seen that side of her. I want to see all of her, to know all the intricacies of her personality, her life, her emotions. I worry I will never be able to let myself get as close as I desperately hope. My eyes find Alana once again, a multitude of conflicting emotions flashing through me. I want her. God, I want her so badly I can barely tolerate it. But there are so many forces going against us. It’s not fair, but if I’m being honest, it’s just my luck that the woman I’m in love with is the most unavailable person in the country.
When I look at her and think about us, I also feel overwhelming fear. Fear that the assassins will find a way to find her, that we won’t be able to figure out who is doing this soon enough, that I will lose Alana forever. I can live without being hers. But I cannot live with myself if she was hurt, especially if I could have stopped it.
No matter the situation, as her bodyguard I will always be responsible. A sudden realization settles in, making my mouth go dry and my heart stop. If I really want to be the best bodyguard I can possibly be for Alana, to truly be able to protect her, I have to let her go.
I can’t continue this. No matter how strong these feelings are, the only way for me to be the best bodyguard for her is to be as emotionless and detached as possible. If I’m too invested I can get distracted or sloppy and possibly allow something horrible to happen. I won’t allow it.
My eyes glance over her profile and I feel a sense of dread. How will I ever explain this to her? Every time I try to push her away, to keep her safe, she always fights back. I should have been stronger. I was so closed off in the beginning, why do I find that so hard now? Now that I got the taste of us, I don't know if I'm strong enough to let it go.
But I have to. For her.
----
Oooooo Drake is back on his bullshit...But what else is new? lol
Anyways, hi again! idk if any of my old mutuals are active anymore but I missed you all! :) <3
Can't believe it's literally been a decade since the last update.
A lot of things happened in between; getting married, having a child, raising the said child, quarrels, losing jobs, struggling with the aftermaths of a lot of things, etc, etc.
Yet here I am, still (somewhat) standing.
Hopefully, I get to keep updating this one. (and now I sort of understand why people keep a journal or journals.)
Tbh I just found the document where i started to write an epilogue for my fanfic and I got inspired, so I started writing and editing it again (huh???)
Lowkey miss writing (not so much the dude I was writing about oop)
Anyway chile if anyone would still be up to read the epilogue I’ll gladly finish it!
