I was 14 One of your eyes was blue and the other was brown You had a birthmark on your left arm And you used to make the bus wait for me So we could talk on the hour-long trip home. You also made me wait, for you You asked for photos that I never sent And looked at me like I might be some kind of answer We dated for a month and stopped talking I went away for a weekend You ended it And moved overseas for two months. I cried in the car all the way home, Graffiti-ed your name onto the back of a bus seat And moved on. Since you’ve got back you only text me when you’re drunk Saying you miss me. It’s been six years. I was fifteen and your arm around me felt like the safest place on earth Your eyes were blue and you had freckles on your shoulders And on your face And on your back. I didn’t find those for four months. The fireworks in the sky were nothing compared to the explosions in my body when you asked me to be yours I threw up out the car window on the way home. I was sixteen when I first slept with you. On your lounge-room floor Midnight, to the light of your Playstation’s on button. We would sneak home from school and have sex on your bed I always found it easier to sleep in your room than my own. Finding you calmed me down and made me sure of myself You looked at me like you were something I should love. We traveled away together three years later And five months in, you ended us That was when I realised You were my crutch When I lost you I lost my mind It took six months of you telling me I was nothing while you fucked me Ten hours drive time between us One month of you dating my best friend And a year of counselling Before I could look at your face without wanting to touch it. One month before I turned twenty I arrived home to college at the same time as you. We’d never spoken. We were drunk. We walked past your door and you invited me in. You’re six foot ten. I tried on your jumper and shoes And balanced on your skateboard. You pulled me over and said ‘take it off’ Your eyes are blue. You have scars on your back from growing too quickly. My fingers catch on them when I touch you. For four months you dealt with panic attacks and tears and wanting something I wanted to give you but my body wouldn’t let me. This year, when I moved on, I kissed you on your beautiful face and didn’t cry, And we made love without me breaking down And you kissed me on my forehead and told me I was beautiful and that you were glad you waited for me. I love lying in bed watching you Get distracted, turn around and come over to hold my hand I hate that we can't say how we feel I’m leaving overseas for six months And for those three months we have left I'll hardly see you And even though it makes sense to end things, I don’t want my time with you to stop. Your arms wrap entirely around me when we sleep And you look at me like I’m a mystery Like I’m maybe, possibly, something worth loving.