#impetuouslone

[impetuouslone]

We're almost two weeks now in the hospital since we rushed our mom here last Sunday, November 1, 2020.

The first week was kinda hellish! A lot of things are running through our mind. Since my mother is experiencing sore throat, cough and cold, she had to be isolated from us. It was very depressing knowing that she will fight her illness on her own and we can't help her.

It was an insane experience because she needs to be tested negative before being transferred to a non-covid ward. All those times, I was thinking if she'll be positive with Covid-19, it will be a near-death battle for her because of her pre-existing medical condition. All I know was I need to be with her, wether she survives it or not.

A week after, her result came out, thank God, it was negative. She was then transferred to ward.

Back to her illness, she was diagnosed with Stage 5 CKD. The doctor's advised was for her to undergo lifetime hemodialysis treatment. Since she already reached the end-stage of the disease, another option for her to live long is to have a kidney transplant. My mom was very strong with her decision that if one of our family members will be her donor, she'd rather wait and die with it.

To be honest, I am very clueless with what our life would be in the coming days. With her lifetime dialysis, I know that there will be a lot of things that we need to consider. First, we need to save a portion of our salary to contribute with her treatment and maintenance medicines. On top of that, there are bills on the side that we must shoulder too.

All I know at this time is to take things little by little and be more positive that everything will be okay. There are dreams that I might need to put on hold for now and focus on my mom's health. Perhaps, this is my life's purpose. I have yet to figure out too many things and brave the challenges me and my family is facing right now.

I've always been vocal about my mantra. Always channel out my inner Sexbomb, kaya laban lang! 💪🏻💪🏻💪🏻

[impetuouslone]

March 01, 2020

The first wedding I did venue styling. It was very memorable and so dear to me. It was a simple family celebration. My cousin had civil wedding with his partner and their son's baptism at the same time.

I used balloons to design their backdrop and created a nautical set up for Achilles' corner.

She wanted a sunflower bouquet, and I saw these babies at Dangwa and it suits perfectly.

All props were handmade including the sailboat table centerpiece.

I'm so in love with the design I did! 😍😍😍

[impetuouslone]

Cheers beeeshes!!!

These people always makes my unperfect world just so fine! My closest circle where I don't need to pretend and just be my dumbest self! I love you! 😘😘😘

[impetuouslone]

I feel really blessed that I celebrated my 25th Birthday on the very first team breakfast that I had with my new job.

Recently, I talked about how down I am with the ongoing challenges that I have. Little by little, I am recovering. I just got a new job, this is not what I really wanted but I know that this is what I prayed for. I have not been very specific with it, I just asked to have a new one and learn to love it. Now that this opportunity came, my next goal is to fully embrace it. I am conditioning my mind to stay long and grow with the company I am currently with.

Also, I came home with a very simple celebration. A Chicken Afritada is served on the table, my mom cooked it. My parents ordered Pancit Malabon that we shared with our relatives. I received birthday greetings from the people I know and I love!

Despite all of my set backs, even if I doubted him at times, the Lord never failed to remind me that he's always by my side. He truly is the God of Love! 😍😍😍

[impetuouslone]

My Constant Weirdos 😈

[impetuouslone]

Birth month

[impetuouslone]

I was very positive to welcome 2020. I felt like I have recharged myself too well during December 2019. I'm very aggressive to apply again and find myself working in a new company. Here comes January 31st, I already feel so drained but nothing really much happened to me in the first month.

It's really depressing to see myself struggling to find a new job but always end up with nothing. I hope that one day, I'll be refueled again and find a drive to work my ass off again!

[impetuouslone]

To that person whom I think is going through a lot of emotional pain for so long now, Please know that I'm always here to listen to you and try to understand your mental health to the best possible way that I can. I can never defend you in front of many people but please never quit thinking that there's always that person who's there to stand by your side. I don't want to speak for you, because I know that they won't understand. At the same time, I just don't want some people to think that I am spoiling you that's why you keep on thinking that way. No matter what, never forget that I will stand for you the longest that I can do. I've seen you at your lowest and hardest breakdown. I've seen how you were offended when you think the people that actually cares for you judged you. I was there when you were almost bursting with the pressure that you felt among those that surrounds you. Yes, you never knew that they only care for you. You never knew that they were hurt too when you tried to break your silence. You almost never knew that it was just how much they would like to express their love with you. You never knew that the things that you were insensitive about is also tearing the people around you into pieces too. On one hand, I would say you were guilty about it but on the other hand you have all the right to defend yourself too. There are also things that they never knew that are happening to you. Through my eyes, I can say that you weren't actually mad at them. The problem is that you lose your interest among these people because of the fear that keeps haunting you. It haunts you so bad that you are being paranoid that they will again judge you base on your current situation. They never knew that there were days you were crying and you don't know the reason why. They never knew that you have an emotional swing to which they're not aware it is still happening to you. They never knew that you were hyperventilating to no reason at all. You know what's the most? They never knew that even you can't actually understand yourself most of the time. They never knew how much you wanted to break free from that shackle that is tightly wrapped around your hands but you just can't do so because you really don't know what key to use to break the curse. Now that you know that you also hurt the people that just showed their love towards you. I know you are sorry. You never get to explain your side. You never did, and I also don't know if you could ever do so. Right now, please just think that maybe, all the circumstances only needs some time in order to get fixed. Maybe, we all need to buy some time to redeem ourselves from all this nightmare. Please know that I am here to stand by your side no matter what. I got your back even if I am broken too. I will ease your emotional pain even if I was having a hard time too trying to stop my head from overthinking. I will try to understand you if you try to defend yourself again even if I myself can't defend my own person. Please know that one day, all things will be fine too. Things may never get back to the same old us but at least time will heal the pain that we've caused among each other. Sincerely, The person who's also clueless about the things that is going around his life too.