#imsittinghere

[imsittinghere]

I’m sitting here. At home. You’re in the shower.

Wondering why I can’t find the courage to ask you- Why do you hide things. I’m more anxious the longer I go without asking why. It makes me sad. I want us to be open. But I’m too scared to say anything about you hiding things. How do you feel?

[imsittinghere]

Sitting at rec room, with a friend.

Thankful for how life has transitioned over the last while. I can’t wait to move to the US.

[imsittinghere]

It's been a long, long time.

But I'm sitting here starting to go over our guest list for our wedding. How unreal that sounds. After so many years of loving you, I now look forward to officially spending the rest of my days with you. All the time I've had with you seems so short in comparison to spending the rest of my life with you by my side. It can't come quickly enough. I love you so much babe. You are my one and you are my forever.

[imsittinghere]

I'm standing here- In the cold. Preparing for my 2nd 5K race! Had a good time preparing for this. Im so proud of how far I've come over the last few years.

[imsittinghere]

Im sitting (laying) here thinking. Wondering why you do whatever you want with no consequence while my life is on hold for you. It is on hold. Why you get to do more schooling and apply for jobs instead of considering moving here when Im apparently the one that's more established? Why you would lie about your job? Your money? Your past? Im exhausted. Im tired of lies. Im tired of feeling like only your side matters. You get to keep living life and doing what you like and Im stuck waiting forever on hopeful thinking, expecting any time now, he could propose. When in REALITY, now I know we cant be married yet. I now know i cant move there yet. I know you wont end up coming to see me if you get a job, even though you promised me. But I wouldnt have had that expectation without you telling me youd be at your job for 6 months and have vacation time and CAN come see me. I never wouldve expected you to come here knowing you were still working on a job. And the fact that you ask "who told you" wgen I call you out, before saying "im sorry I lied" infuriates me. Its more important to find out who you need to have a talk with than feel bad about lying to your girlfriend? It makes me wonder where your priorities lie. Its obvious theyre not with me. If they were with me, you wouldnt be out playing basketball right now. If you were actually sorry as you said, for acting like an idiot, youd be trying to fix this, not ignoring it. I know what I know and the fact you didnt think I already knew you were lying before is almost entertaining. Im not an idiot. Im laying here wondering why I give myself to people who never give as much back. Anyone in my situation would likely leave you without too much hesitation. Yet here I am. The one feeling bad, even though you are the one who lied to me. Again. Time after time after time. Im sitting here, sad. upset. confused. worried. If I cant trust you with small things now, how are we supposed to have a future together? You told me you would help me make car payments if I couldnt make them when living there. How could you say that without having a current job? Putting MY credit on the line just by me trusting in you. That should not happen. I should be able to rely on you. How can I now? Im so hurt and confused. I dont know what to do. Im sitting here thinking.

[imsittinghere]

-IMSITTINGHERE- Standing, walking on my way to my best friends reception dinner. I cant believe how long we’ve been friends. I am so blessed to have you in my life, for so many years. I am happy for you tonight. My heart is singing, thinking of the many years of joy and love to come for both of you. I also cant believe you beat me ;) I love you girl. congratulations. ❤

[imsittinghere]

-IMSITTINGHERE-

Sitting here, doing work, and not enjoying it much. It’s so hard to stay focused on work when there’s so much. It’s not a problem I expected to have. I have to keep telling myself it’s worth it to do all this extra stuff. I’m getting tired of it, but it is still worth it. That attitude is important. It is what allowed me to buy the photo backdrop stand and backdrop, the camera I have, eventually a new car! It will help me feel more secure once I’m able to move with Andy, and give me the freedom to buy snack food or tim hortons while I’m at work. It means I can say “lets do it” to spur of the moment concert questions if it’s reasonable. It means I can pay my student loan back quicker. I can pay rent easier, and I can buy groceries. Extra work sucks, but even still, I’m so thankful for the capability I have to do it, and what it means I can do.