#in.

[pittvet]

INCOMING: I've started thinking about you late at night. @stvampyr

there is a singular moment of clarity as he stares down at the text that's woken him from fitful sleep. that kind of realization that yanks the rug out from beneath his foot, leaves him breathless for the sudden and all encompassing guilt that crashes over him, this knowledge that he has done something awful here. that james let him do this selfish thing because he'd understood what it was like. understood everything in a way that no one else had.

but that feeling is stored away under lock and key moments later as jack begins typing out a reply, suddenly desperate to get out of this tomb house.

SMS : J. FLINT, OR I could come over, or meet you at a bar, and occupy more than your thoughts. If you want?

[pittvet]

why do you look so jealous whenever i have a new girlfriend

"because i don't understand how you can find the time. an active social life? fuck me, that's unheard of for an R2."

[pittvet]

Why do you look so jealous whenever Robby has a new girlfriend?

why the fuck do you think? the frustrated reply is on the tip of his tongue. it's clear enough to jack that the answer is known already. he looks jealous because he is jealous. of how easy robby makes it seem to have these kind of connections. that he can hand wave it all away and not let some part of him linger on the what ifs. that for a time he's the fucking happiest that jack can remember. of the fact that it's always someone that isn't him that achieves that, however temporarily, for robby. any fucking one of those options. all of those fucking options.

"because i am. i fucking hate being that way, but i am." distantly, he thinks his therapist might cheer at that bit of blunt honesty. "i'll get over it eventually."

[pittvet]

What do you think about Langdon?

"i think he's a good doctor. he's ballsy enough to do certain procedures others would have balked at doing. still has a lot to learn, like all of the residents. tries too hard to be likable these days. i get why, but sometimes you just have to cut your losses and be strictly professional... and i am proud of him for getting help." even if it came about because of a swift kick in the ass. sometimes that's just how it goes.

[pittvet]

exactly when did you realise you had feelings for robby and dana?

it's not something he particularly wants to examine. there's a deep rooted suspicion he would not like the truth of the answer. that it will feel like a betrayal to delve into the wealth of memories and interactions that led him to this point and find that it happened sooner than it ought to have. his mouth twists as his finger reach to touch a ring he no longer wears, and that too feels like a betrayal. "i'm not sure there's an exact moment. i think... it happened gradually, in the little things over the years." particularly with dana. he's aware enough, despite his best efforts, that what he's held for michael has been too long. almost certainly even before —

"it doesn't matter. it's not as if they'd — it wouldn't be fair. i'm not exactly in the best place to entertain the notion that anything could happen."

[pittvet]

how did it feel getting trounced in chess by baran?

"trounced is a strong way of putting it. is that what she's saying happened?" it doesn't really matter, nor does he really take any offense to the way the match is being presented. baran had beaten him, more decisively than he would have liked, though nowhere near as badly as he's beaten michael or emery in the past. but still...

"it was thrilling, honestly. she plays a longer game than i thought to anticipate. let me build up a real false sense of security in our previous matches. never occurred to me that it was a ruse until our last match, but by that point, the damage was done. really looking forward to the next one. think i might convince her to start agreeing to a wager for them." @bydana

[harpalt]

𓏲 ๋࣭◌ ... @isjomfrue ﹙⌖﹚ 036. a long, winding road. ⌗prompt. *\\

this had been a busy street once, hadn't it ? she thought so, but her memory wasn't what it used to be. what wasn't riddled with holes had gone grey, as hazy and washed out as sea fog on the horizon. the basics were there, everything she ought to know about life, but the particulars only came to her in bits and bobs. like little pieces of debris, floating up from the ocean's depths to its surface. she remembered some places used to look nicer, before the bombs and the men with their heavy guns came, but were not all that nice themselves. she was fairly certain she remembered cars always racing up and down this way, fast enough that you could feel them whizzing by in the air if you wandered too close — that's right, her and her brother had walked this way once, she was positive. maybe one of their friends had been with them too. there had been no fireflies out that night ( or glow - worms, as bucket called them — maybe it was him that had been there too. ) only headlights.

“ it's an awful long way, but ... ” she began slowly, her voice quiet, a little flat in tone. however bustling it once might have been, now there were only a few stray vehicles, dotting the cracked asphalt here and there, long abandoned by their passengers. some appeared to have broken down mid - drive, others veered off into the overgrown grass. a few miles away, she could just make out what appeared to be two that had collided together, head - on. she did not want to linger too much on those.

one hand absentmindedly reached for tora's ; they were always a little cold, but she didn't mind. the girl was no better herself, what with the dampness that clung to her hair and smell of salt that never lifted. “ i think i know where this goes. there's an old mill up ahead, some shacks along the way ... ”

[pittvet]

INCOMING: 🤒 your muse to find that my muse is sick and refusing to rest

it’s an inevitable thing really,  getting cornered by @pittbangs.  he’s spent the last few hours of this ‘accidental’ overtime successfully avoiding being cornered alone with the day shift resident.  partially through luck.  traumas brought in,  other residents presenting their cases and asking for opinions.  partially through skill.  a well known fact about doctor jack abbot is he’s always aware of the moving pieces in the department,  even when he is not at the helm of their struggling ship.  hard to pin down if he doesn’t want to be.  most people would leave him be after several failed attempts.  one of his and mckay's overlapping qualities seems to be a certain relentlessness and obligation to act on their observations,  much to jack’s annoyance. and robby’s delight,  he’s sure.  ( he can almost hear the gleeful ‘taste of your own medicine’ remark the man would enjoy leveling at him ).  

cornered because he’s been too slow in shedding his ppe, unable to retreat back to his preferred charting station at the hub ( where discretion was all but impossible given the proximity to certain nurses ) before she’s there.  he'd almost laugh at the fact he can tell she was waiting for this exact opportunity if it weren't for the headache threatening to split his skull in two.  he tries to ignore the ringing in his ears that has yet to fully subside,  and the way the brightness of the unyielding overhead lights leave him feeling nauseous as he lifts his gaze from the floor to glance at her.  

“you got a case to present?”  deliberate ignorance.  he hates when robby does this to him,  but there’s the distant hope that it’ll be effective against mckay.  he finishes stripping off the gown and moves to dispose of it, movements stiff from the whole body ache that’s been plaguing him since midshift last night.  his usual post shift unsteadiness on his feet feels even more pronounced as he limps walks towards the hand sanitizer. “talk fast.”