uhm draft from my ao3 teehee
My heart ached like it was being clutched so tightly that it couldn't beat anymore. Laying with my head to the ceiling, streetlights streamed in through the gaps of wispy curtains. My stomach churned without nausea, my head sat still yet spun in a million directions. I felt like I could cry yet nothing wanted to come. If I moved my body I wouldn't be able to stop, to try distract myself from this pitting feeling. Content was far from what was turning inside me yet I couldn't bring myself to leave this turmoil. Lead was holding down my eyelids, straining to not slip into slumber. Exhaustion swam through my veins to reach the furthest ends of my body but my mind remained restless. Even as my eyes blocked out the quiet world around me it couldn't block out my hearts melancholy.
I don't understand. Why must I be haunted even during the dead of night?
My bones ached (could bones even ache this much from nothing?) along with the rest of my emotions, leaving me unable to change. Despite myself, their face appeared in the edges of my thoughts. I could almost never remember peoples' eyes, except for them. The curve in the corners when they smiled. The way the sun made them shine like the world had been laid down for them. How they lit up when they gazed upon something they adored. The way their grin somehow lifted me above the clouds.
Why does even the smallest things they do consume my consciousness? Why did I long to hold them in my arms and have them hold me in such a tender place? Would they even want to do so? They, she, he, it, none of it matters. I couldn't care more about them in such an infatuation.
How I wished to hold them now, to grasp them with the gentleness that they showed me when I had almost forgotten the touch.
The phantom touch of their hands enclosed my body, holding me close and spreading a warmth all throughout me. Even if my mind knows that it's only fabricated this comfort. Knowing is very different from accepting, and I could feel my heart rejecting the truth that they were not here.
