Cliche after cliche has taken the meaning out of many things.
The hardest I've ever had to work to forgive someone for was 3 or 4 years ago. I had my deepest level of trust betrayed and thing I held highest in my life was stolen from my hands. Forgiving this person was impossible at first. I bottled up my hate and anger and vengeful thoughts and grew them into a jonah like tree. It was unhealthy but I didn't care.
I cannot remember when it was spoken to me, but I was reminded of a certain parable. The parable is about a king forgiving one of his servant's debt; a very large sum of money. This same servant then goes and throws a man who owes him a very small sum of money into prison. The king hears of this and throws his servant in prison and if I remember correctly orders him to be put to death for his insolence. The moral of the story from what I've been told is forgiveness. God forgave our sins therefore we should forgive our brothers and sisters.
God doesn't forgive those who don't forgive others-is an adage that almost every christian knows. There is questionable truth value to it but as a seventeen year old I was terrified of not being forgiven, and wanting to keep my friendship afloat along with the feeling in my chest told me to forgive and forget. So began the process.
I thought that just saying "I forgive you" was enough. And it was for about 10 seconds. It felt good but the anger and the hate and the desire to cut appendages off was still there so I assumed that true forgiveness was something that was felt and acted upon and said, not just one of the three.
Feeling forgiveness-oh fuck it this shit is just sunday school bullshit. I'm typing on my phone so I can't delete it fast enough to not keep it.
Most people think that you should only forgive if you want to keep the relationship alive. It sounds very foreign and untrue to say it out loud but...its very obvious watching people. When couples break up and friends split after an argument they part and after time has passed they are able to talk about the split and the other person without cursing their name. This is where everybody usually ends up. This isn't fucking forgiveness, that's apathy if anything. Letting yourself cool down isn't forgiveness, it can be a result of forgiveness but it in and of itself is not. This is where "casting your cares on jesus" comes in. Give all that anger and hate and bullshit to him. Decide it isn't yours and let him have it. Give your vengeful thoughts and rage against karma to him. Give it to him and he'll take care of it. There really is no other way to forgive completely.
Oh and forgiveness doesn't just mean if they're sorry. Sometimes before/after you forgive themthey still want to you to eat shit and die. Forgive them anyway.
One more thing. Perspective. Think about what has happened. Did you get cancer? Did you get hit by a meteorite and lose feeling in your appendages? Is she the last girl on the planet? If the answer to any of these questions is no then you could probably be doing a whole lot worse. Keep that in mind.
Forgiveness is easier said than done. Plain and simple. Cliche I know, but its true.
