#innerpaths

[troydiaries]

Carry You With Me

April 5th, 2026

When it hits—

my chest tight,

my body wanting to stay still—

I get up.

Because staying makes it heavier.

So I walk.

And she goes with me.

Not in the streets, not in the air,

but inside me,

in every step I take.

Sometimes I cry.

Not because I’m breaking,

but because I’m letting it out

instead of holding it in.

I miss her.

I feel her in my chest,

in the silence,

in every piece of me that remembers.

But I don’t stay stuck anymore.

I feel it—

and I move.

— Troy

[troydiaries]

I Became Someone I Believed In

April 2nd, 2026

I’m graduating this June.

A bachelor’s degree—

something I once wasn’t even sure I could achieve.

There was a time

I doubted myself more than I believed in anything.

A time where this didn’t feel possible.

But here I am.

And now, I’m holding an acceptance letter

for a Master’s in Financial Planning at the University of Georgia.

What?

Sometimes I have to pause and really take that in.

Because the truth is—

nothing external really changed overnight.

I did.

My mindset.

My discipline.

The way I chose to show up for my own life.

And maybe that’s the biggest lesson in all of this:

the limits I believed in

were never real.

They were just perspectives

I hadn’t outgrown yet.

Because the moment you start believing

that something is possible—

you move differently.

You build differently.

You become someone who gets there.

And suddenly,

the life you once questioned

starts becoming the life you’re living.

The sky was never the limit.

I was.

— Troy

[troydiaries]

Seven Years Later

April 1st, 2026 at 10PM

Today marks seven years since I started at Wells Fargo.

Back then, I didn’t fully know who I was.

I just showed up.

Somewhere along the way, showing up became discipline.

Discipline became stability.

And stability started to feel like a life—my life.

I built something real.

Not perfect.

Not final.

But real.

And now I’m in a different place—

not starting,

not finished,

just… aware.

Aware that I’m no longer becoming by accident.

I’m choosing what comes next.

And it feels different.

Quieter.

More intentional.

Because the truth is, these seven years didn’t just pass.

They shaped me into someone

capable of building something bigger, someone who can hold his own, dream bigger, and still move forward.

This moment isn’t an ending.

It isn’t just a milestone.

It’s a quiet checkpoint that says:

you’ve grown.

You’re ready.

— Troy

[troydiaries]

The One Who Stayed

March 28th, 2026

I’ve been asking myself why this affects me more than it seems to affect you.

Why I sit with it.

Why I feel it in waves.

Why it lingers.

And I think I’m starting to understand.

I don’t know how to turn things off.

I don’t know how to pretend something didn’t matter.

When I feel, I feel completely.

I revisit moments.

I try to understand what happened, what changed, what it meant.

My mind doesn’t go quiet.

My heart doesn’t either.

And maybe that’s the difference between us.

I process.

You distance.

I sit with the emotion

while you step away from it.

And for a while, it feels unfair.

Because I’m the one carrying the weight.

I’m the one feeling the absence, the confusion, the ache.

But I’m starting to see something beyond that.

Maybe this pain isn’t punishment.

Maybe it’s movement.

Because while I’m here, feeling everything,

I’m also understanding.

Learning.

Changing.

Becoming more aware of what love means to me

and what it should feel like.

And maybe that’s the part that matters most.

Because even if I’m the one who feels more now…

I might also be the one who heals better later.

Not because I’m stronger.

But because I didn’t run from it.

Because I stayed.

Because I felt it.

And because of that,

I’ll know how to choose differently next time.

— Your Wolf Guy, Troy

[troydiaries]

The Cost of Potential

March 27th, 2026

I’ve been thinking about my biggest weakness.

Not the obvious ones.

Not the ones people point out.

The quiet one.

The kind that looks like love

until it starts to hurt.

I feel deeply.

And sometimes… I give that depth to people

who don’t meet me there.

I don’t just see what is.

I see what could be.

I read between the lines,

hold onto moments,

try to understand what isn’t being said.

And in doing that,

I end up holding on longer than I should.

Believing in potential

instead of patterns.

Because the truth is—

I don’t struggle to love.

I struggle to be selective with it.

I stay when things are unclear.

I try to make sense of silence.

I look for meaning

when I should be looking for consistency.

And that’s where it drains me.

Not loving.

But loving where it isn’t returned the same way.

But I’m starting to understand something.

This isn’t a flaw.

It’s depth without direction.

And maybe growth isn’t about feeling less—

maybe it’s about choosing better.

Choosing people

who don’t make me question where I stand.

Choosing clarity over confusion.

Consistency over intensity.

Because love shouldn’t feel like guessing.

And I don’t want to lose the way I love.

I just want to give it

to someone who can hold it.

— Your Wolf Guy, Troy

[troydiaries]

The Life I Thought We Were Building

March 15th, 2026

I think the hardest part isn’t just losing you.

It’s losing the life I thought we were building.

Because when I loved you, it wasn’t casual.

It wasn’t temporary.

I didn’t just see you — I saw a future opening.

A home.

Quiet mornings together.

A life where loving you felt like the most natural thing in the world.

And now I’m here, learning how to hold two truths at the same time:

that I loved you deeply,

and that you couldn’t hold that love the way I could.

Some days that makes me sad.

Some days it makes me angry.

And some days it just makes me quiet.

But slowly I’m realizing something.

The love I felt was real —

and it didn’t come from you.

It came from me.

From my heart.

From my capacity to believe in something bigger than the moment.

So maybe the story we imagined together isn’t the one that will happen.

But the part of me that dreamed it…

the part of me that loved that deeply…

that part of me is still here.

Still walking.

Still learning.

Still becoming.

And maybe one day

someone will meet me there.

— Your Wolf Guy, Troy

[troydiaries]

All of Me March 1st, 2026

I used to wonder which version of me loved her.

Was it the boy who feels everything too deeply, who carries responsibility like it’s stitched into his skin, who would rather ache quietly than cause instability?

Or was it the man who loves with fire in his chest, who doesn’t scare easily, who stays even when it would be easier to walk away?

Maybe it was never one or the other.

There is a Peter in me— soft, aware, careful with power. He doesn’t knock on doors just because he misses someone. He thinks. He weighs. He protects what is fragile.

And there is a Damon in me— intense, loyal, unwilling to love halfway. He doesn’t retreat just because things are complicated. He doesn’t stop caring just because he isn’t chosen in the moment.

Somewhere between them, I found something steadier.

I don’t want her back out of fear of losing her. I don’t want her back to soothe loneliness. I don’t want to break the tension just to feel relief.

I would be ready— not for fantasy, not for a rewritten past, but for her.

Her flaws. Her history. Her softness and her sharp edges.

And I would be ready for us, evolved. Intentional. Stable. Not chaotic love. Not anxious attachment. Not unfinished lessons.

Because the truth is, it was never just one version of me that loved her.

It was all of me— the soft one. The intense one. The patient one.

In any timeline, any city, any lifetime or strange multiverse, I think I would still recognize her. And I would still choose her.

But this time, I would choose her as a man who knows how to love without losing himself.

— Troy

[troydiaries]

Salt Lake Smells Like Her

February 28th, 2026.

I want to call her,

to tell her about the little chaos of my day,

and hear her voice say, it’s okay.

I think about the new house,

the walls, the corners, the light

and I want her eyes there,

her opinion lingering in the air.

She still lives here.

I see her in the edges of the city,

in the quiet streets,

in the smells that carry her.

I long for a presence that’s already gone,

for comfort that I can’t touch,

for a voice that makes the world feel lighter.

And maybe that’s all love is:

wanting without possession,

feeling without holding,

breathing her into the space she left behind.

— Troy