"She was elusive. She was today. She was tomorrow. She was the faintest scent of a cactus flower, the flitting shadow of an elf owl. We did not know what to make of her. In our minds we tried to pin her to a cork board like a butterfly, but the pin merely went through and away she flew."
— Jerry Spinelli
WE’RE DREAMING WITH OUR EYES WIDE OPEN → a mixtape
where once was light
now darkness falls
where once was love
love is no more
don't say goodbye
don't say i didn't try
these tears we cry
are falling rain
for all the lies you told us
the hurt, the blame...
and we will weep to be so alone
we are lost
we can never go home
TRACKLIST
mercury // sleeping at last
yet i know, if i stepped aside
released the controls, you would open my eyes
that somehow, all of this mess
is just an attempt to know the worth of my life
shake it out // florence + the machine
and i'm damned if i do and i'm damned if i don't
so here's to drinks in the dark at the end of my rope
and i'm ready to suffer and i'm ready to hope
it's a shot in the dark aimed right at my throat
never enough // loren allred
towers of gold are still too little
these hands could hold the world but it'll
never be enough
never be enough
holding on and letting go // ross copperman
some prayers find an answer
some prayers never know
we're holding on
and letting go
writer in the dark // lorde
sorry i was never good like you
stood on my chest and kept me down
hated hearing my name on the lips of a crowd
did my best to exist just for you
devil in me // halsey
you said i would've hit the ceiling
you said i
you said i should eat my feelings
head held high
youth // daughter
chasing visions of our futures
one day we'll reveal the truth
that one will die
before he gets there
she used to be mine // sara bareilles
and you're not what i asked for
if i'm honest, i know i would give it all back
for a chance to start over and rewrite an ending or two
for the girl that i knew
mama’s tears // corey kilgannon
mama's tears
that quiver in her voice as she says
"son don't you dare think you won't be missed when you're gone
but please be strong and please move on"
pluto // sleeping at last
still i’m pinned under the weight
of what i believed would keep me safe
so show me where my armor ends
show me where my skin begins
lazarus // david bowie
this way or no way
you know i'll be free
just like that bluebird
now, ain't that just like me?
dream // imagine dragons
and i watch from a distance seventeen
and i’m short of the others dreams of being golden and on top
it’s not what you painted in my head
there’s so much there instead of all the colors that i saw
heroes // peter gabriel
and the shame, the shame was on the other side
oh we can beat them, for ever and ever
and we could be heroes
just for one day
Well I've got thick skin and an elastic heart
But your blade it might be too sharp
I'm like a rubber band until you pull too hard
But I may snap when I move close
But you won't see me fall apart
'Cause I've got an elastic heart
I've got an elastic heart
Yeah, I've got an elastic heart
“I don’t relax”/”I can be fun” dichotomy works like this:
subordinate at think tank retreat: Hey Wo. We’ve made some stellar progress this week so the team’s thinking about reserving the court for a few hours. A little pick-up game.
bastien: Oh. That sounds fun, May. ...The new issue of this journal was just published, you know, so I thought it’d be smart to give it a read-over before our next meeting.
subordinate: Ok...
bastien’s low morale sensors: 🚨BEEP BEEP BEEP🚨
bastien: *suddenly on the court in his balenciaga sweatpants and designer white t-shirt* Team! Who doesn’t love basketball! *carefully dunks the ball after 2 minutes of set-up* Whew. Haha. Patel, you’re on forward.