A/N: Gets a bit scar-phobic under the cut. If you have scars, you’re super cool and valid!! Plus we get to be scar buddies! Also a bit of blood mention!
You two walk together, hand in hand, while he talks about upcoming meetings and you listen, offering the occasional hum or nod. If you were to be honest, you had stopped listening some time ago, only half tuning in. You much preferred to hear his voice, he could be reading the back of a cereal box and you’d still find it enjoyable only because it came out of his mouth.
“You aren’t listening,” he accuses, not even sparing you a glance.
You shrug, a nervous smiling appearing. “Eh. I am hearing your voice though and I think that makes up for it.”
“I could have been planning a date and trying to get your opinions on it.”
You snort. “Cute lie. First of all we literally can’t go anywhere public. Second, you never plan dates. Third, even if you did, you like to surprise me.”
He sighs. “I could still have food brought over and all of that ambiance shit.”
“Wow ambiance shit,” you sigh in a mock lovingly way, “you really know how to woo me.”
“Shut up,” he tells you and you stick your tongue out at him.
You both start to turn the corner, only to be pulled back. You look at him, mouth parted open, ready to question him, when you notice his jaw twitch and his eyes narrow. You turn to the corner, brows furrowed and that’s when you hear the voices. They make no attempt to keep their voices hushed, speaking out loud and brazen.
“Look I know he’s out boss and stuff but-” a gruff voice starts.
“No, no! I get it!” That one sounds a bit more flustered, rushed and shaky. “I mean, he isn’t totally awful looking but all his scars? Geez, get some moisturizer or somethin’,” the voice laughs. “I just feel sorry for his partner.”
“You think they had to fuck their way to the top?” The first voice snorts. “They were there since they were the League of Villains, right?”
“Lots of fucking then,” the second one breathes out. “He’d actually be cute if he had less scars but ugh,” they laugh, “thinking about it gives me the chills.”
“At least he looks scary. I’ll give him that. Intimdatin’ and shit.”
You face scrunches and you release your hand from Tomura’s ready to step in and give those two a piece of your mind when Tomura grabs onto the bottom of your shirt. You turn around and soften your features.
“Tom-”
“I have to go do something,” his voice is a tad tighter and he leans forward to kiss you, only to pull away and peck your cheek. “I’ll see you later, okay?”
You watch him walk away, shoulders squared and steps rushed. Your shoulders slump and your hand lifts a bit, daring to reach out for him but by the time it’s stretched in front of you, he’s already turned at another corner.
You click your tongue and tighten your jaw. You strain to hear if the voices are still mindlessly talking and when they are, you turn the corner, a dark intent in your eyes.
-
You’re in the shared bedroom, holding a melting ice pack against your chin as you examine your hand. You turn it over and blow cool air on it, wishing away the sting that the fresh wounds bring. You aren’t too badly damaged, just bits of cut on both your knuckles and a dark bruise already forming on your jaw.
The pain has mostly faded, all that remains are a dull throbbing and a slight sting. Your only real worry is when you take a shower and the water will sting your wounds.You lay in bed, already feeling spent after your little brawl with the two shit talkers. You smile at the memory of the fight. You had gotten the jump on them so they were scattered and surprised when you attacked. A nasty trick, they spat but you didn't see it that way. A part of you actually swells in pride, proud at the cracking of bones and rush of blood. Your little attack should shut them both up for the time being.
The door opens to the room, swinging wide and colliding with the door stopper. You wince and rise, raising your brows at Tomura who glowers at you.
“You know if you break the door we won’t have any more privacy.”
“What the fuck happened?” You open your mouth to speak and he cuts you off. “I get a fcking call about how you and two other people fought in the hallways like a bunch of high schoolers,” the door slams behind and he walks briskly towards the bed. “What the hell,” he seethes.
You swallow and press the ice pack closer to your face. “I uh- I’m fine by the way,” he rolls his eyes. “I’m sorry?”
“Try again.”
“I’m not sorry.” he gives you a look and you throw your legs over the bed and pat the space next to you. “I didn’t like how they were talking about you so I got into a fight.” His eyes narrow and his hand clenches into a fist. “I won! Aren’t you proud?”
He’s silent for a moment. His eyes glaze over to the ice pack that reddens your skin and stains with water. The bruise is barely visible beneath the bunched up paper towels. His eyes dip to your hands that are marred with cuts and scrapes. They shine a bright red with hints of pinks.
He runs a hand through his hair and gives out an irritated sigh. He plops down next to you, and glances over to you, with a tired look in his eyes. He reaches over and grabs your hand. "Tch. You're a dumbass, you know," he mutters quietly, holding your hand in his. "I have to clean up your mess now."
You scoff and hold the ice pack against your jaw. "That's what I like about you," you speak softly. He looks at you quizzly and you lower your eyes to stare at his hand which holds your tenderly. "You act like things are a bother- connection, relationships and all- but in the end, you really care about those close to you," you shrug and reach over to peck his scar, "it's nice."
His fingers jump in your hand and he can feel his cheeks heat in admiration? Embarrassment? He doesn't know, he's never been one for these types of emotions but you always manage to bring it out in him. He swallows and he suddenly wishes that he had water with him.
"Why? You aren't usually the confrontational type." His fingers brush over the tears in your knuckles. Bright red stained out against your skin and he finds it endearing, a type of admiration where even the most delicate can still bare its claws and fight. But when you flinch and hiss through your teeth, he frowns. You're still injured. A cold ice pack freezing your skin and dripping water onto the bed.
You take a sharp breath through your nose and turn your head away from him. "I don't know."
"Wrong answer," he mutters.
You shift uncomfortably, your palms growing clammy and when you try to pull away, he holds your hand tighter. His eyes stare at you expectantly.
"Tomura," you bounce in your seat, squeezing your eyes shut, refusing to look at him.
"Come on. Out with it. I don't have all day. I'm busy- especially after your little stunt."
"I already told you-" you puff out yours cheeks- "they were saying mean things about you."
"The comments from earlier?" You nod. "They don't bother me."
"Yes they do!" He startles but you continue on, now wrapping your hand around his and holding it tight. "Its okay if they do Tomura. You're still human and people- it's fine if the words bother you Tomura.” You inch closer to him, placing the ice pack down on the bed, the paper towel that covers it, is translucent and the condensation spreads and starts to stain the bed. “I don’t- You already went through so many things alone Tomura,” you squeeze his hand, “but you don’t have to anymore.”
He doesn’t know what to make of your words. He knows that you speak the truth, that all your words to him at this moment are genuine. They are soaked in your love and comfort, a desperate plea in your voice to get him to understand, and to listen to you.
He tries to find his own words, to come up with some sentence that will put an end to this discussion, to just let him get off your grasp and go somewhere and hide under the covers like a child. The thought makes him flush in embarrassment. He doesn’t want to feel like a child, to feel so small and hopeless but you make him feel that way. No, that’s not the proper wording for it. You make him crave the sweet words that you tell him, you make him want to curl up and rest his head, you make him covet your warmth- to be protected. Every delicate word that you’ve told him made him believe that he was worth loving, that he was worth something. He understands why heroes say that they have a reason to go to, why families mourn the death or injury of someone. You make him believe that he has something worth fighting for. You make him want to survive and strive for the future.
He startles when he feels your cold hand on his face. You mumble an apology and he shakes his head. Your hand slides away and it leaves him colder than before. His hand covers yours, ring and pinky finger, tapping against yours gently. “It’s fine.”
“I don’t think it is,” you mumble. Ah, you’re still on the previous topic. He opens his mouth to speak but you press forward. “You’re getting glassy eyed Shiggy.” Your voice cracks and his eyes widen a fraction when he notices your own eyes are glassy.
“Shiggy, huh?” He hasn’t heard that nickname in forever. After you two started dating, you always referred to him as his first name or a variation of the sorts- even a sweet pet name.
“I thought you might like some nostalgia,” you sigh, a gentle smile pulling on your lips.
“Feels like forever since I heard that nickname,” he replies.
“You don’t like it?” you smile apologetically. “Should I go back to Tomura? Tomu-kun?” You inch closer to him with every nickname, pressing yourself flush against him. “Love? Dear? Honey? Sweetheart? Cutie-pie?”
He chuckles softly and shakes his head. “You’re being insufferable.”
“Yeah, but you love it.” You press your lips against his jaw and your hand slides down to his neck, curving around him. Your voice takens on a lower tone and you move to wrap your arms around him, moving one to the back of his head and making him rest on your shoulder. He buries himself into the crook of your neck, his hands pressed next to you, scratching at the plum color duvet. “They’re wrong, you know that right? You aren’t gross because of your scars. Plus, even if you do look intimidating- which you don’t- you’re still cute with that little pout and your very cute smile.” You stroke his hair, parting his snow colored hair through your fingers, ridding of any entanglement while you hold him in your arms. “You’re you and that’s perfect. It’s more than enough for me- it’ll always be more than enough. Your scars are just like marking points where I can kiss you. Your eyes are bright and full of love and filled with passion. Your hands fit into mine perfectly.” He can feel his face begin to heat up and he wonders if you can feel it too. “You can change the world, but for the time being, let me protect you. I’ll kick anyone’s ass if they say something mean. We can both protect each other.”
“You don’t have to protect me,” he whispers against your neck.
“No, I know that. But I want to.” Tears burn in his eyes and he closes them slowly, careful to not let any slip. “You might not believe it Tomura, but I want to protect you. I want to be by your side. And if that means getting bloody knuckles, then so be it.”
He buries himself deeper into your neck, his hands having risen to clutch at the back of your shirt, fabric straining and he swallows tightly, finding the simple task to be harder than usual. He lets out a shaky breath and feels burning tears prick the corner of his eyes.
“I’m always going to be here for you Tomura. You’re- You mean a lot to me. I’m following you because you mean something and I know that whatever happens, we can face it together. I’m not going to leave you Tomura. Not ever.” You tighten your hold on him and he does the same.
“Okay,” he mutters- it’s broken and inaudible, his lips ghost over your neck, the tingling sensation remaining far after his lips have stopped moving. You hold him tight in your arms, not moving an inch when he scoots closer to you, not daring to make a noise or move a fraction of an inch when you can feel tears meet your neck. You rub his back and you hold tight in your arms. And when he pulls away with a slightly red nose and red rimmed eyes with a hoarse voice and trembling lips, you only press a kiss against him and offer to take a nap. He nods mutely and collapses onto the bed. You follow suit and open your arms. He snuggles into your chest and you brush your fingers through his hair as his breathing slows into an even pace and he eventually drifts into sleep.
So, my eldest sister is pregnant and due in a month. so, we had a small baby shower for her today.
Im so proud of my mother... She refuses to conform to the blue pink gender system. So, although the unborn child has a penis, my mother got all gender nuteral colors and celebration decorations. We had green and yellow colors.. I was so pleased
So, the people who were here were my family, my sis and her man and my nephew, 3 of my best friends who normally come over for holiday meals and shit and are close with my sis as well, and then my gay uncles. (technically our neighbors whom my mother has adopted but we love them and they adore me and so i call them my uncles)
The meal was brunch cause my dad loves being extra and making insane brunches. We had donuts as well today cause my dad causally owns a donut robot and so i made like 3ish dozen on it this morning.
The meal went well and then we watched the football game(s) and it went really well and was a ton of fun. Then, before my uncles had to leave, the one who really is sweet to me comes over to me and starts talking to me about ZAYN's new album... My uncle is in his 40s and he's the biggest one directioner ever. It's honestly the cutest thing on earth. He ships zayn and Harry and adores all of them and listens to all of their music. So he was telling me about how Zayn has a few love songs on his new album that are gender nuteral and he was so excited and kept telling me that i had to listen to it. (That's what I'm currently doing as i write this)
And then 2 of my best friends stayed really late and we chilled and we put on a hallmark, but my friend (he's trans and like my brother at this point) and I both fell asleep and my other friend wound up talking with my mother for hours before heading home.
So then my mum forced me up at like 10pm cause she thought that it was rude that I was still asleep and my bro was awake... Which is ridiculous cause he was watching a tv show on his laptop but whatever.
The same friend(brother) had brought presents for my whole family too btw. He got me a tie and patriots hat, which I proceeded to wear both for the rest of the day. He got my family a bunch of perfect, sweet gifts, but the best one he got was the one for my little brother; a nerf gun.
Starting at 10:30ishpm, my brother and him started using that gun and my brothers others and were shooting back and forth. Well, then my mom made some food and decided to sit at the table to eat... Bad decision.
(My house is like one giant open room. The dining room is in in between the living room and kitchen and the rest of the house.)
...aka she was in the direct line of fire.
So, my older sister was making jokes about my friend, and then they started shooting at each other too. I was then thrown a gun even tho i was half asleep and was told it was me and my friend against my sister and little brother...
Dude. It was insane. All out war. I army crawled my way across the house a couple times to shoot my sister. My bros went hard at it and wound up wrestling a bit.
And somehow.
SOMEHOW
my mother didn't get shot once.
She DID complain tho that she "was just trying to sit down and eat her food" but I knew she was enjoying us two adult kids and younger kids playing with each other. She would always laugh whenever someone got shot in the butt.
So then after my team won (obviously) all us kids spent like an hour and a bit with my mum and did the dishes and cleaned up the house and found some of the bullets we lost.
Now my friend is crashing on the couch and i know he's had a good day and that honestly makes me the happiest.
(His family is insanely homophobic and wont accept him as trans and is really abusive. So it's always nice to give him an escape here. Also, his mother somehow doesn't know im trans AND bi and adores me??? I'm his only friend she likes??? She keeps inviting me over for holiday meals?? And sent a christmas card?? Im confused. My mother is too. Like, have you heard me talk?? Whatever. Im just grateful they like me and let him come over)
Anyways... I had a really good day. Which is crazy rare for me around the holidays cause usually im depressed. So, I just wanted to share that with y'all. If you're depressed or suicidal this holiday season and feeling horrible or sad or numb and wondering if you'll ever be able to enjoy the season.. It'll happen. You'll get there. Keep holding on. This is my first holiday season i can remember having without depression or suicidal thoughts for the past 12ish years. I still have to see how tomorrow and Christmas itself goes, but even if I just had today to enjoy, thats enough for me.
Love you all, thanks you anyone who read this whole thing. 😊💕
