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Treating Alters with respect

It is important for outsiders to treat alters with respect. This basically means respect their wishes, boundaries, point of view, personality etc. Treat them as you would anyone else.

One of the things I have discovered on this journey is often people view alters as ‘a part’ of a whole and not having validity. This point of view negates the alters feelings, reactions and perspective to the world.

While my point of view is an alter is ‘a part of the whole’ that doesn’t give someone the right to treat them as less. As the individual is the sum of their parts.

If one part is disrespected, belittled, ignored, put off then the other parts know this could be their lot as well.

Over the past months I have heard “Well I will check with- Host name-.” This is belittling to the rest of us. The host isn’t our parent, legal guardian, owner, master, what have you.

Someone saying to a part “You’ll check with the host.” is a kin to me stating I’ll check with your mum. It’s insulting. Another example is: why don’t you check with your husband/wife/significant other?

An outside person would be taken aback by this. It’s a direction one would give a child, or someone who isn’t free to make their own decisions.

Another thing I have noticed when outside people give someone on the inside a choice and the insider doesn’t choose as the person wants disrespect occurs. For example a part was advised there was a ‘gift’ for them downstairs. The part responded they would consider going to look.

This answer wasn’t sufficient for the outsider. The inside part ended the conversation. The outsider said goodbye also, but, they began to bagger the part sending them texts and pictures of the ‘gift’.

This is disrespectful, as the outsider didn’t respect the parts desire to consider the ‘gift’. (Put yourself in their shoes, how many ‘good gifts’ do you think they have received? Was their statement of they will consider this respected? Was their ending the conversation respected? The other person said they had ended the conversation but did not was this respectful?)

Many attempts have been made to explain to this individual they talk too much, are pushy with what they want, and think they know how things should go, and often state they will talk to the host instead of the part. They are having none of it.

We are not school children. Alters, inside parts, have free will. If an individual does not respect a parts free will then walk away from them.

People aren’t going to understand alters, and that they have their own personalities and identities. It isn’t my job or your job to make them understand this. They can take the information or leave it.

For yourself, if the relationship is insulting to a majority of alters due to being disrespected, walk away. For your system, well being, and overall health.

#alters #inside alters #how to treat people #DID #DID Relationship