Summary: a virgin girl in need of male attention, a man in his late 40's who gives her everything she asks for, the relationship can become strong and fragile, it can hurt both,everything depends on the decisions of both.
Warnings: age gab (joel late 40's, reader early 20's) loss of virginity, daddy issues?(you will decide if it is or not) , pet names, divorced parents, low self-esteem, insecurities (physical and personality), overthinking everything 24/7, anxious attachment (like this girl has problems in almost everything, she needs to find self-love in herself) dom!Joel, soft!Joel, sub!reader (only sexually), smut, each chapter will have its warning ⚠️
Summary: Everything is going so well that Joel decides to take your "relationship" a step further. Soon you will have a date with Mr. Miller.
Rating: +18 (minor dni)
Words counted: 4.4k
Warnings: age gab (Joel is in his late 40's, reader in her early 20's) need for male attention, vomiting (from nerves), a bit of sexting, daddy issues?, pet names, insecurity (body, shape, for being who you are, sex, private parts), fear of rejection, Overthinker 24/7, dirty talk.
Note: Late to update, I have been busy with the university that I forgot. I wanted to make this chapter longer but I didn't want to postpone another day, so part two will have a second part that will move the whole date and a little after this one, I hope you like it and want to continue reading it. Thank you for the support that the first part had, you don't know how happy I was to know that you liked it. Enjoy and see you in the next part :) my first language is not english, any mistake i apologize.
"I don't believe it" said one of your friends named juliet
"You are flirting with a sir!" this time Nell made fun of you
"Don't tell him sir, it sounds weird" you said embarrassingly
"come on" she said your name "we know you have daddy issues since you told us you liked that actor of yours" Nell point
"I don't have daddy issues"
"Don't deny it" Nell told you looking into your eyes narrowing them
"I deny it because it's not true, I have a good relationship with my dad" They both looked at each other
"Well... but admit that you like old man" they both laughed at the offended face you made
"better shut up" you said blushing
You had told your two best friends about the talk you had with Joel last night, as much as you wanted to talk to him it was too early to do it, you didn't want to seem intense or urgent. But hell you did want to talk to him again.
The truth is that what your friends said was true, not the daddy issues (or so you wanted to think) but that you were attracted to older man, not so old, but at some point you felt the need for someone older to take care of you, who wanted to give attention to a young woman like you.
You don't know why you need male attention, and you like them to be dominant, not in a relationship, you don't like being bossed around, you are a free and independent woman, you are very stubborn, you like to argue if necessary, before you used to say yes to everything and everyone, just to not look bad and be a good girl, but that had already changed. But that they were dominant in the sexual act, sounds good, you would like them to guide you in it, tell you how to do it, that they know how to do it, that they tell you things that you have never heard.
You wanted to do things you hadn't done with anyone else
|||||||
It had already been a few days of talking to Joel, you thought it would be difficult to talk to him, but it was easier than you thought. Every day was a new topic, he asked you about your tastes:
and what are you doing today doll
I'm reading a book
oh you like to read, I see why you're so damn smart
haha it's not that kind of books that I read
He asked you about the school:
how were the classes sweetheart
They are killing me, the teachers stress me out
it's part of darling
if you were my teacher would you take pity on me?
of course honey, you would be my favorite student
and you my favorite teacher
You asked him about his day, his work and he even told you about his daughter and brother between conversations.
How was your job?
uff stressed, I'm finished darlin
I wish I was with you, I would give you a massage
do you know how t' do them?
Of course I know, I told you I'm studying health tourism?
no, you skipped that detail but I don't doubt that those hands know how to move
.....
Sorry baby I was in a game, I couldn't answer you
Game? Do you play soccer?
No, my daughter is the one who plays
Oh your daughter...what's her name?
Sarah
How nice of you to go to her games
It's my responsibility sweetheart, and it's too good to miss.
..........
It was different every time, it felt different, in the best possible way, you didn't think you were really talking to him. You thought he was going to get bored of you for being a girl who had no topic of conversation, or simply because you looked very naive, but you had a good time talking to him, he was the only one you expected his messages from after a long morning.
It was friday, at this very moment you were with your friends in a river, they decided to have a picnic near a river that was not so far from their houses, they wore bathing suits because of course they could get in, even though it was so cold that you doubted it.
"Get in, it's not that cold" Nell said inside the river
"I don't believe you" you said hugging yourself
"Ash, Juliet get in so she can see I'm not lying" she yelled at your friend who was on the shore
"mmm" she thought about it for a moment while watching the river water drag with a minimum force
"Alright" she finally walk in and gasp
"It's not cold" she said while biting his lip
“You told me that it was not going to be so cold morons”
"It's a fucking river, what did you expect? it's not a jacuzzi" Nell said as she approached you to take your hand
"come on"
"Hell, if I get hypothermia, it's your fault."
"Yes Yes"
After a while of talks, laughs and some videos, you decided to take a photo to upload it to your story.
"Juliet, take a picture of me" you stretched out your hand where your cell phone was
"yep" approached you taking your cell phone in hand
Your bathing suit was two pieces, it had a very nice embroidery and it was white. In the end I took several of them so that you could choose which one you liked best, there was one that you undoubtedly liked more than the rest of the other photos, so you uploaded it.
At the end of the afternoon you decided to go back to your homes, on the way you' were listening to music, when you remembered that you hadn't talked to Joel all day, not even in the morning.
You know that he is a busy man, with a job, with a daughter, with many more important things on his mind than you, apart from you had agreed with your friends that you would not send him daily messages, at least not so much so that you would not see yourself so needy, Well, you didn't want to see yourself like that, you didn't want to push him away, you wanted to give him his space to focus on his life, but you lied to yourself that it was so that you wouldn't be infatuated anymore.
When you got home you took a shower, it was a relief for you to know that tomorrow would be Saturday, you were so tired that you could lie in bed and not hear from anyone for the rest of the night. But those thoughts vanished when you heard the Instagram notification coming from your cell phone.
It was a message from Joel
God doll, that suit suits ya' very well
Thank you :)
I hope you had a good time my little girl
YES, it helped me get some fresh air
I bought some other swimsuits a few days ago, do you want to see them?
Sure baby show me
You smiled at the answer, you went to your drawers where you had two more bathing suits, a black one-piece and a brown two-piece. You stood in front of the mirror that was in the corner of your room and decided to sit on the floor to take the photos, the poses were not as produced as you would like, but you tried to highlight your hips and waist.
You sent them, a few seconds later a bubble appeared in the chat
Shit sweetheart, how beautiful it looks on you, you have a beautiful body hon
It's a normal body haha it's not that bad
No, it's not just a body, it's your body, you're so damn beautiful baby
Do you want to see another?
let me see more honey
Send picture*
Shit baby that's not a bathing suit..!
It was a photo of you in nothing more and nothing less than a baby doll, made of transparent black fabric and pink lace on the edges of the cups and a bow in the middle of your breasts.
Why the fuck would you have a baby doll if you've never been with anyone…well remember I said virgins were more…needy and horny all the time, well this is part of it. One day you were walking through the streets, you had money and you passed by an adult store, where they sell all kinds of things, you went in out of curiosity, and you found the baby doll section, they were very pretty, you remembered some photos you saw on Pinterest of a girl wearing one so you bought it wanting to recreate those photos and upload them to your instagram, only you never did for fear your mom was going to see them but the photos stayed on your phone.
Do you like it?
Do you know what that photo can cause?…
Don't know…
that many men want you
What about you, do you want me?
I don't want you, I need you
Shit I need you so fucking bad baby
Right now?
Today and every day I think of you
I think about you too
What do you want from my darling?
All
Tell me and I'll give it to you
I want to do things with you that I haven't done with anyone else.
Shit I want to teach you things baby
I want every inch of you
you're a dirty girl aren't ya'
only when i'm horny
You look so innocent, I could swear you were a good girl
I'm a good girl, I'll be for you
Would you be a good girl for me?
I will be
You don't know the things I want to do to you right now
tell me..
words would not be enough sweet thing
Tell me what you would like me to do to you.
At that moment you didn't know what to answer, you knew the things you wanted to do but… what if you didn't like it, what if your expectations were too high, but you remembered that you weren't talking to a college boy, you were talking to a 48-year-old man , he would know how to make you feel good.
But again, that hole was felt in your stomach, fear and anxiety took over your mind
you must tell him you must tell him that you are a virgin who has never had sexual contact with any man or boy
you were not naive, Of course you weren't, you're a smart girl, you're informed about every sexual act that exists, the only thing you lack is security. Do you feel like it, of course you do, but you are too insecure with your body, with your buttocks
what will he say about all the stretch marks you have on your buttocks that's why you didn't show your butt in the photos
what would he think of your belly That's why you took a pose where you were less visible and held your breath
what did he think of you…it's not pink like other girls have
that was a great insecurity for you, you consumed porn and all that shit got into your head, a girl should have a pink vagina, her labia should have a pink perfect shape, you always saw that they were all the same and that's why men wanted them more, it was one of the reasons why you waited for someone who was the right one for the situation, someone who made you feel comfortable with your body and skin, who After all, don't go and tell his friends what your body was like or what the act was like, you wanted to protect yourself and your body from any criticism.
Even if you wanted to be with him, you didn't know if you could trust that much, you didn't know if you could trust him to see you all naked.
or trust that he wouldn't hurt you
You didn't want it to end so quickly, you wanted him to know you for who you are, not for what you wanted men to see of you.
you wanted to be different with him, you wanted to show him all your facets, you wanted him to tell you how good you were for him, and how proud he is to be the person you are.
You were so deep in your thoughts that you didn't realize that almost 10 minutes had passed since you sent the message
POV JOEL
After he sent you the message, he stayed inside the chat waiting for your response, he didn't see any bubbles appear on the screen, he assumed that maybe you were thinking about what to write, he left his phone on the table to go to the stove where he was cooking. He had arrived late from work, he was too lazy to make himself dinner, he was only going to go up to his room to bathe and sleep, but Sarah prevented him from doing that, she told him that he had to have dinner since he surely had not eaten well in the afternoon, and it was true, Joel had so much work that he couldn't think of anything else but that, and well…from time to time on you.
He served his food and sat down at the table. You hadn't written anything yet… which is weird since you both usually answered quickly, he didn't know if he made you feel uncomfortable or you didn't want to answer the question, or you just didn't want to talk about it, he was about to text you but a message popped up.
ummm I don't know if we should talk about this here
He read the message a little worried that he'd crossed a line or put yourself in a situation you might not want
Don't worry baby, the last thing I want is for you to feel uncomfortable, if you don't want to, you just have to tell me, okay?
You're not mad?
Of course not sweetheart, why would I?
because I was the one who put you in that state and now I don't want to continue
hey darling ya' shouldn't think like that okay i don't want you to feel that way
only idiots make pretty girls like you feel guilty
I'm sorry
You don't have to apologize baby, many idiots have hurt ya'?
I did´t had good experiences
I will take care of you baby girl, I will treat you well
After finishing the conversation and Joel finished his dinner, he got up leaving the plate in the sink, went upstairs to his room and got into the shower.
He couldn't stop thinking about you, how pretty you were, how interesting you were to him, he didn't want to sound like an idiot who only wants to get into the legs of a young girl but… you seemed like a mature girl for your age, he's known to many people who are your age and they are all different from you, most of them are irresponsible or do not have their feet on the ground, for some reason he feels that he can talk to you about anything and he will feel comfortable doing it, and he knows that you will understand everything he tells you.
He wants to feel your hands, how small they are in his, he wants to admire your eyes up close, study the color in them, he wants to hold your face in his hands, he wants to be able to hear your voice, know your smile and hear your laugh. It's crazy that he's thinking about that, especially with someone as young as you, sometimes he felt that what he was doing was wrong, at first he thought why such a beautiful girl had followed him, he was curious so he just followed you back, he hadn't seen your profile or anything, until the next day you published a story about a pasta, he went to your profile and it was the first time he was able to put a face to the name, he found you quite beautiful and pretty.
The night he received your message, he was with his brother and daughter in the living room, Sarah had taken the phone, Joel didn't pay attention to him but when Sarah gave him the phone, he saw the notification and your message on the screen, he took it from Sarah and he was laughing asking who you were, to which he replied with a simple “don't know kiddo” but the blush on his cheeks gave it away making Sarah and Tommy laugh.
You caused him things that he thought were forgotten, that he would never experience again, when you told him your age he swallowed hard, he didn't know what the hell he was going to talk to a 21-year-old girl, he couldn't with that league of girls, he was too old for that, but it wasn't until you challenged him that he felt that maybe he could change things, it didn't matter to him to try.
They had already been talking for weeks, he wanted to meet you, he wanted to have you in person, so he didn't hesitate to think of the crazy idea of asking you out.
.......................................
After that conversation you fell asleep, thinking about how he was when he was young, if he treated women well or maybe he was a jerk like any other.
The next day you felt awful because you hadn't slept well, you woke up every hour during the night, you couldn't stop thinking about what you could do to get rid of that anxiety.
You were in your bed still lying down, your phone next to you on top of the pillow, the whole blanket over your hair covering half of your face, you were face down already awake but you didn't want to get up, you stretched out your hand to the pillow taking your phone, you passed it under the sheets to have it in front of your eyes that were still half closed due to the crusts that were on them.
The time was 9:25, waking up at this time on a Saturday was weird for you, but you knew you couldn't go back to sleep.
You unlocked your phone and realized that you had several notifications from Instagram, you started to remove them without seeing them, except for one that was from a message from Joel that said:
i was thinking…
We've been talking for a while, I've really had a good time talking and getting to know ya', n' I was wondering if you'd like to meet in person?
I would like to invite you to have breakfast or lunch, whatever you want, wherever you want to go and make you feel comfortable, I would like to be able to talk to you in person.
Tell me if ya' think it's a good idea, I'll be on the lookout.
"shit"
That message woke you up immediately when you read it, you couldn't believe it, even if you read it over and over again it said the same thing.
"know each other?" you woke up sitting on the bed and leaning on your pillows
You looked at the phone and you didn't know what to do, he sent the message at night, 1 hour after you finished talking. Again you felt that anxiety in your chest and throat, what the hell were you saying, did you want to meet him? Did you want to know what he was like in person? Did you want to talk alone face to face with him? Did you want to leave your house to be with a “stranger”? It never crossed your mind that he would want to see you in person, not for a damn second, that you would talk, it was easier to talk to him by message, well it was easier for you.
What would happen in the moments of silence, what if it was an uncomfortable silence instead of a beautiful silence, what would happen if in the end it was not what you had imagined, what if in the end it was a damn pervert, no matter how handsome he was It's scary to meet him in person.
"What the hell do I tell him" you said in a whisper looking at the cell phone in your hands, you were trembling
You entered your messages and sent messages in your group of friends
I need your help!!
It took them a few minutes to reply
What happened?
tell us
Do you remember the man I'm talking to?
the old man? Yeah
Ahaha yes
Ash, well he told me if he wanted us to meet in person
what?!?!
No way!! Did you say yes or what?
No, I haven't told him anything yet, I don't know what to say
Spooky
Do you want to meet him?
I don't know, I'm scared to go out with someone older, I get bad dating someone my age, imagine how I am
it's different
did he tell you when he wanted to go out?
No, he just mentioned it, but he didn't tell me when
I guess until you tell him yes or no
Do you think it's a good idea?
If there is a part of you that wants to meet him… then do it.
Yes, remember that you said that you wanted to make a change in your life.
Yes, but I never thought it would be this change
So?
?
I think….I'll say yes?
If you do, be careful, even if you have already talked to him, you should always be alert, okay
Be very careful, you can send us a message, and send us your location
Ok, I'll see what he tells me, if today or when
You thought of all the possibilities, you can say that you didn't think of reaching that moment, that you don't like leaving your house….nah, not that, you can think of any excuse, but….do you really want to make an excuse? It's terrifying to be in a situation you don't know, with a man older than you, you were braver by text than in person, you're totally different, you're not so foul-mouthed, maybe dirty thoughts yes, but you didn't dare to say those things.
"fuck, how will I see him after I send him those photos"
You mentally hit yourself when you remembered the photo of the baby doll, God you are in trouble.
After thinking about it in the shower…and at breakfast, you took a deep breath thinking that it wouldn't be so bad, he told you that you could choose a place that would be safe for you, you can choose one not so far from home, you can leave if you don't feel comfortable You'll never know what might have happened if you don't try.
Ok, yes i would like, when?
You send him that. You were waiting for his answer, hoping it wouldn't be so soon, you needed to prepare yourself for what was to come, have everything in order in your head and look good, physically speaking.
You were looking at the window across from your bed when your cell phone vibrated in your hand.
Heavens to betsy, What do y' think tomorrow at noon?
what?! Tomorrow?!!! no fucking way
sure sounds good
what the hell am I going to do
.................................
t was Sunday, that's right, the day you would meet none other than Joel Miller
You were nervous, you went out to your balcony to breathe, you walked around your room checking that everything was in your bag, you looked in the mirror every 5 minutes, you checked that your makeup was shiny. The clothes were definitely the most difficult thing to choose, you didn't know what to wear, you knew something casual since you were going to the mall to eat and spend the afternoon, but you didn't know whether to wear pants or a dress, you were trying on everything you had, you wanted to look good for Joel, mature enough and look your age.
In the end you opted for a plain black skirt along with a plain white skintight shirt with a u-neck that highlighted your collarbones and highlighted your breasts, a black leather jacket and not-so-high-heeled black boots. A bit basic but you loved how you looked, you didn't want something colorful, you wanted something that made you feel sexy, and this outfit made you feel that way.
He told you that he was going to pick you up, you gave him your address but you told him to park a few more houses in front of yours, just so your mom or your brother wouldn't see you. he told you that he would arrive exactly at 12, there were 7 minutes left, you were nervous, you felt bad, your hands were cold, you needed to drink something, but you felt hot liquid in your throat.
"No fucking way"
You ran to the bathroom, knelt down and lifted the toilet seat, held your hair up and dumped all your breakfast inside. You wanted to cry because of how disgusting the scene was, you were going on a date with Joel and you found yourself throwing up in the bathroom less than 6 minutes after he arrived.
Your head was still inside the toilet when you heard the notification from your phone in the distance, you cursed inside, you breathed and you closed the lid pulling the lever so that the vomit would go away. You got up to brush your teeth pretty well, you didn't want any residue left anywhere. You took a mint that you had in your bag and you put it in your mouth, you took your cell phone and a message from Joel was on the screen.
I'm outside, I'm in a black pickup truck, three houses from yours
I had never felt so nervous in my life.
I left my house saying that I would be back at 7, I was shaking, trying to breathe as deeply as I could, I didn't want him to notice how nervous I was, when I left the gate I visualized the only truck that was parked in the distance. Shit, I have to act normal from now on, I don't want him to see me in the rearview mirror reeling with nerves.
I walked sure of myself, with my eyes on the truck, every time I got closer I could hear music coming from it, being at the end of the truck I could hear the song and I smiled, he was listening to Bryan Adams, he was the favorite singer from my dad.
The window was up on the passenger side, so I just touched the window glass and he turned to see me to stretch and open the door from the inside.
I entered the car carefully not to trip, I settled in the seat and it was just when I turned to see him. For the first time I had him in front of me, he was real, and hell he was so attractive in person, he had such a beautiful smile, his eyes looked bigger in person, they were a very beautiful dark brown color. He was wearing a green shirt, dark jeans and what he assumed were boots, he smelled too good.
You were so lost in your thoughts that when you heard his voice you came back to reality, his voice so manly, scratchy and strong but so relaxing at the same time, with that southern accent.
"hey sweetheart" had a smile plastered on his lips
"Hi" it is very possible that you were like a tomato at that very moment
"Finally I meet you in person" he keeps looking at you which causes you to turn your face in sorrow, you can't stop smiling
"That's right… you look much better in person" you dared to say to be able to relax and gain confidence faster
"Haha, thank you hon, you're beautiful, y' look beautiful" he reached out his hand to touch your face, placed his fingers under your chin and caressed it, admiring how beautiful you are.
"are y' ready?" he ask after moving his hand away from your face so he can start the car
"Yeah, sure." You turned around to put on your seatbelt.
The car continued on its way, he ask you where you would eat, since he was not familiar with the place, you told him about one of your favorite restaurants, something simple.
While in the restaurant he told you that he had a surprise for you, something that they had not planned but that he decided to do.
"Do y' remember that ya' told me that y' had never ridden a horse or even met one?"
"Yes, I remember" you looked at him while chewing a small piece of food
"Well," he paused and turned to you with a tight-lipped smile, "would ya' like to go to a stable so y' can ride one for the first time?"
You looked at him stunned, you didn't know what to say, you just laughed nervously thinking that he was playing with you
"are you serious? You're not lying to me?" you pointed at him with your index finger
“darling, I would never lie to ya'”
All this was new, everything! Until now everything was going well, you were comfortable with him, and he seemed comfortable, you loved how he called you all those names that he called you on chat, it was so natural and so him, you loved horses and you had told him so. He did that for you , you looked at him and he looked at you with puppy dog eyes without taking his eyes off you, waiting for your answer.
How the hell would you say no to those eyes, to him.
"I guess it will be you and me and a couple of horses" you smiled to which he smiled back while drinking his beer
In the end you would arrive a little after 7
Let's ride horses I guess
............
Tag list: If you want to be added tell me and I will do it with great pleasure.
Summary: You're on your first date with Joel, things get personal when he asks about your family.
Rating: +18 (mdni)
Words count: 3.5 k
Warnings: age gab (Joel is in his late 40's. Reader is in her early 20's.) bit of touching, deep conversation about divorce (that brings you to tears), overthink 24/7, insecure, lack of confidence
Note: Hello loved ones. It's been a while since the last chapter, my life has had ups and downs lately, I'm better which is what matters, mental health comes first. It was hard for me to finish this chapter, the motivation didn't reach me but it's finally here, I hope to continue to have your support and that you want to know how this story continues. I hope you are patient because my life is turned upside down. Have a nice start to the week.
As I looked out the car window, I could feel his gaze for a while. We were both quiet, but it was nothing uncomfortable, I was enjoying the trip with the simple fact that he was by my side.
His features were relaxed, I couldn't get over the fact that he was so damn attractive.
As I looked at it, in the distance I could visualize a beautiful farm, with large stables and a beautiful white fence.
"Is that where we'll be?" I said, pointing to the place, amazed at its size.
"Yes honey" he looked at you for a second smiling at you
When he parked the truck and we got out of it, I couldn't help but jump in happiness. The place was beautiful, very green and fresh.
It was everything I imagined it would be as a child
Everything happened quickly, the owner of the place who knew Joel gave us a tour of the place. Joel couldn't stop smiling when he saw me and neither did I, it felt weird to be here with him, finally being able to touch him and listen to him was the best, honestly I never thought I would get to meet him in person. I didn't think he would be interested in getting to know me, especially knowing that I'm too young for him.
I didn't want him to feel uncomfortable because of my age, I know it's totally different to date someone younger than it is to date someone older, I wanted him to see that I'm mature and that I can handle this, I didn't want him to see me as a little girl who doesn't know what she wants in life.
I questioned a lot thinking that he would be different than he seemed, but I was wrong. I had expectations, yes, there is nothing wrong with having them, I could say that he meets them, he has been gentlemanly, he has not made me feel uncomfortable, he asked my permission to hold my hand when I got out and got into the truck, he has not made any comments outside of place, he is very kind,attractive and God his gaze...has me on the floor.
Who would have imagined that I would be here today, with a man 27 years older than me on a date... Who would have thought that what I longed for with an actor, I was living with a man I met on Instagram.
Life does take a turn from one moment to the next.
I just needed someone who saw me, cared, listened to me and wanted to be with me, and to be honest...I think he can give me more than that.
"Have you come before?" you said seeing how he put the seat on the horse and fastened it with the leather straps
"yes"
"Oh" you sounded a little disappointed as you imagined other women coming to the same place along with him.
He paused as he secured the seat and sat up to turn to see you.
"I have come with my daughter, she likes horses very much just like you" he smiled at you as the lord of the stable opened the doors
"Telling me that I share a taste with your daughter sounds like you want me to be friends with her" you said and a little laugh escaped from your lips
"No haha" you looked at him while laughing and noticed the frown lines on the sides of his eyes.
"That would be very rare darling"
You followed his footsteps to one side of him coming out to the side of the corral where there was a horse and another lord. How it was not Joel's first time, he already knew the route to walk the horse through the forest, it was not a long route, it was a bit short in fact, it was more than anything so that the horses could be walked and at the same time they exercised.
"Come I'll help you up," Joel said as he took you by the low waist and pulled you closer to the horse so you could get up.
Mr. Palmer held the horse's leash while Joel was the one who would help you up.
"Rest your foot right here in the stirrup, are you going to hold on to the horn so you can propel yourself, okey sweetheart?" he was explaining as his hand stayed on your lower back and his gaze strolled across your face.
"yes" you nodded
"Okey, let's go"
You did the same as Joel told you, you put your left foot in the stirrup, you stretched your left hand so you could reach the horn and be able to gain momentum. The moment you took momentum, Joel's hands held both sides of your hip helping you up, what made you nervous was the growl that came from his lips when you climbed.
You settled into the seat by backing up and being able to give Joel space in front of you. This one look at you with a frown
"I thought you wanted to learn," he told you as he looked up and rested his hand on your left calf.
"I want to see how you do it, you have more experience" you looked at him smiling "apart they do not let a beginner take the horse" you said whispering so that Mr. Palmer did not listen, but he still did
You both turned to see him and he shook his head stating your comment. Joel just laughed shaking his head and got on the horse effortlessly.
You remained silent as you entered the forest, it was a very beautiful place, quiet and full of vegetation. Joel was telling you that Mr. Palmer's family has kept the place for more than 40 years, since his grandparents and uncles had opened the business.
"When was the first time you came?" you asked him as you rested your right cheek on his back, your hands were on the side of his hip completely surrounding it.
"A few years ago, Sarah was 4 years old when I brought her" he turned his face so he could check you and he look back to the front
"Her mom had just left me and… Sarah was constantly looking for her, so I tried to find a way for her to be happy again" he gave a sigh and you just tightened your grip a little to show compassion, to which he lowered one hand and rested it on yours.
"When I brought her together with Tomy she had the biggest and most beautiful smile, her eyes shone from how happy she was, since that moment I have always brought her, she was even in riding lessons but she leave it for football" he laughed at the end and you felt the vibrations of his laughter through your arms
"Who leaves horse riding for football? Haha" you laughed next to him
"Apparently my daughter does" he turn to you and smile at you.
A little before reaching the halfway point, Joel stops the horse and you lift your face off his back.
"What are you doing?" you said as you took your hands off his waist to give him room and get off the horse.
"You're going to take it," he said with a smile as he beckoned you to move forward.
"You're crazy, they're going to scold us," you said panicking.
"Nothing happens, I promise you, we will change places before arriving"
You looked at him for a few seconds and he just looked at you with his puppy eyes
"Trust me"
You just nodded and stood forward as he climbed in the back. He passed his hands that still held the rope under your arms and gave a light blow to your forearms. You sighed deeply as you felt him so close to your body, to feel his breath on the back of your neck and his arms… his damn big arms around you.
What a damn agony.
You didn't know if he felt uncomfortable being here with you, a place he's only shared with his daughter and brother, a place that has history. A place where people know him, what would they think of him… Will he care what people say?
Nope, I don't think so.
"Tell me," his voice echoed on the back of your neck, making your skin crawl, "do you live alone or with your parents?"
"I live with my mother and my brother" You turned your head a little and stood in profile in front of him
"I think that question had to be the first thing I knew about you," you both laughed a little
Joel cleared his throat and asked.
"And your father? If you don't mind I asked"
"it's fine… He doesn't live with us."
"Since when?" his voice sounded serious
"Mmh it's been a while," you paused and looked down looking at his forearms that were slightly resting on your thighs, "they've been separated since I was 8 years old, and divorced when I was 13."
"I'm sorry to hear that, I guess it wasn't easy for you."
You raised your right hand and directed it to his, caressing the veins that were marked in it
"It wasn't… It was hard for a while, I think… From the beginning I knew that everything would end sooner or later, and in fact I wanted it to end, the 8-year-old girl could not bear to see her parents fight, she knew that every time they started a conversation it would end in a fight"
You sighed heavily as your lips trembled. You felt a warm aura envelop your hands, when you looked you realized that Joel had wrapped his hands with yours, transmitting that warmth you needed to feel safe. Joel rested his chin slightly on your shoulder, while you rested your head on his chest.
"I believe that no child should see their parents fight, they should not be put in that situation, for some it can be traumatic to hear their parents yelling at each other" you sighed as you felt his chest slowly rise and fall "it projects a bad image of the love and respect they have for each other, it makes them reflect in some way, it makes them feel powerless of not being able to do anything"
"That's right" the lump you felt in your throat was going to explode at any moment, you couldn't speak remembering everything.
Joel noticed
"It's okay if you don't want to talk about this, I know it's hard" He raised one of his hands and stroked your hair "When you're ready I'll listen to you, I'll be here for you"
"It's just that.." You took a breath and lightly squeezed his left hand that was still holding you "My inner child has a hard time talking about it, her childhood was summed up by her parents' divorce"
You were silent for a few seconds, you knew Joel would listen to you, it didn't matter if you cried, you really wanted him to know you, to know your past. It was painful for the girl who lives in you, but that girl learned at a young age that divorces were normal, that couples fight all the time, that love ends sooner for some people. Forever is nothing more than a simple word that can be broken, as delicate as a tightrope that depends on two people.
"Sometimes I feel that the climax of my life was that, I'm grateful that it happened, I think it was still a lesson in some way, it helped me to form my person and see things in a different way, I always tell myself that it was the best"
You felt a little tense and couldn't help but ask
"Do you think it's depressing for me to think like that?" You turned your face to look at him out of the corner of your eye, being too close to his face. He turned to look at you and moved away a bit because of the little space between you
"I don't think it's depressing, it's an event that left you with a before and after in your life, and it's good that you have taken it and reflected on it for good" He look into your eyes "that speaks to how mature you are" You both looked at each other and you smiled at him looking away because of how tense you felt.
"Well, I want this experience to be unique and special, what do you think if we enjoy the sound of nature"
"I think it's a good idea, let's put depression aside"
Both of you followed the path in silence, but it was a silence full of harmony and peace, from time to time Joel would put his shank on your shoulder and caress him with it, you couldn't help but smile, you couldn't help but touch his hands and caress them. He liked it because he caressed your hands, and even brushed his hands on your thighs, but always respecting you.
...............
The day had gone from sunny to cloudy from one moment to the next, it was raining hard when you arrived at your house, you told Joel to park 3 houses before yours. Inside the car you could only hear the rain hitting the hood of the truck and above you, you could hear the breeze that was outside.
The trees and plants swaying from side to side through the air, the windows fogged up from the cold that ran through the streets, the water running down the concrete of the street, the lights of some houses kept off while others were on, in the distance you could see the window of your room. You thought that if you lived alone you would have already put him through, you wouldn't let him leave and even less so with this rain, you would snuggle with him on the couch while they watched Game of Thrones.
You turned to look at him and he was already looking at you, you caught his gaze running over your bare legs, his gaze went up until he reached your face, he half smiled at you as he turned his gaze forward and his hands massaged the steering wheel with his palms.
“I didn't expect it to rain” his voice echoed in your ears.
You watched his hands move along the steering wheel, wishing that you were the one his hands were touching.
"It rained suddenly" you said almost in a whisper but he could hear
You took off your seat belt while you settled into your seat, you settled so that your body was in his direction. He looked at you and imitated your action, taking off his seat belt and turning to look at you.
"I liked going out with you" you smile at him
"I'm glad you liked it" he gave you a sweet look "I think… we should try again another time"
"Yes, we should," you smiled as you lowered your gaze to the hand resting on his thigh.
"Do you like it? the date" you turned your gaze to his face
"I loved it, I liked to have known you a little more" he put his hand to your nests and caressed them "I hope I have not disappointed you"
"No," you said frowning, "why do you think that?"
"Well… I'm too old, I'm not extroverted and i don't do crazy things," he said, laughing a little at the end and looking at you, "plus maybe you think I'm a degenerate for dating you."
"No no haha, I don't think anything like that" you stroked his hand you this time "you're older yes but you're very attractive, and it doesn't matter that you're not outgoing I'm not either and, I like you to be different from anyone I've ever met… and I definitely don't think you're a degenerate"
He just nodded smiling this time
Heck, he did have a cute smile.
They fell silent causing the sound to return to your ears. You went through his features for the thousandth time all day, he was so beautiful, all of him was just beautiful, you couldn't think how come he was alone and single.
You wanted to know what it tasted like, you wanted to feel his lips against yours, if they fit yours.
You stopped thinking for once in your life and decided to do something good for the first time, without regrets this time, without doubting that it will be the best thing you could do today.
Everything happened so fast.
You approached and could only see when he turned to see you, your lips were shaped with his in a slow kiss, his lips were cold to contact, they felt good next to yours, it felt like a synchronized dance. His mustache was itchy, it was a new sensation that you never thought you would enjoy as you were doing, your hands went to his face above his jaw, you rested your fingers on his beard a little gray and trimmed.
You wanted him to touch you, you needed to feel his hands on you once again. You grabbed the hand that was caressing your arm and directed it to your thigh, he had contact with your thigh and caressed your skin with his fingers, your skin bristled at the contact which made him smile in the middle of the kiss.
As the kiss deepened you felt his hand go up your thigh more and more, running through it with small and slow caresses. Your tongue found its way into his mouth caressing his, while small moans came out of your throat and he responded by intensifying the kiss and his grip on your thigh and his hand that remained below your jaw.
Everything was going well, you felt good about yourself in that moment, you were wrapped in the moment that when you felt his hand on the edge of your dress, you jumped up tensing a little under his contact, you didn't say anything to him you just continued kissing him.
He settled closer to you and you felt his hand right on your hip inside the dress, you were so deep into the kiss that you didn't care, but you only felt his hand near the edge of your panties and his fingers on one side of your lower thigh, you settled in your place and that was enough for him to remove his hand.
"Are you okay?" he asked as he tried to catch his breath.
"It's… yes, I'm fine" your voice came out between cut by the grief you felt
You kissed him again so he wouldn't realize you were nervous, you didn't want him to leave, you wanted him to last longer. Your nerves invade you again when you feel his hand on your thigh again, you like the contact of his hand against your skin, how big it is around your thigh, but not enough to grab all the flesh around it, but you have a hard time staying focused on your desire when nervousness and anxiety surround you.
When he raised his hand again, not hearing your reprisals, you lowered the hand you had on his face and placed it on top of his sliding it gently down your leg so that it was on your knee.
You broke the kiss again
"I'm sorry," you said sadly, lowering your gaze and covering your face with your hands as you tried to control your breathing.
As you hid your face in your hands, Joel still didn't move away from you, you could feel his hand stroking your knee sweetly and delicately.
"You don't have to say sorry honey," he said as he placed one of his hands on your head caressing your hair.
You were silent for a moment, while he thought that he had come far, possibly he had made you feel uncomfortable and you didn't want to say it, he felt guilty for seeing you like this and that you asked him for forgiveness.
You, on the other hand, did not feel better, you felt ashamed of what you had just done, you felt stupid for having had that daring behavior and then burst into tears.
"How childish I am sorry" you said between sobs
"Hey Shh you are not childish" his right hand touched one of your hands that still hid your face
"I am, I don't expect you to bear me" This time you took your hands off your face and looked at him, his eyes open as they saw every part of your face, his lips slightly open, and with the same distance as before.
"Breathe okey, it's all right honey" he moved away a little so he could press the button on the windows next to him. As he pressed the one on your side, the window lowered a little letting in the fresh night air.
"Are you okay?" he ask this time taking distance
"s.. yes, I'm seriously sorry, I know you expected something more from me," you said with your eyes down.
"What do you mean? Not of course not, why do you think that?" he wrinkled his eyebrows
"Because I've been very different when we talked, the photos…." You were going to continue listing the many things you did, that you said and he interrupted you.
"Honey I want you to know that I don't expect anything from you, Okey? I want to know you, the person you are, the rest doesn't matter."
You took a deep breath to look up
"I wanted to make a good impression on you," you said, looking into his eyes.
"You did it, you are more than I expected"
Joel looked at you silently as you ran your forearm over your nose and wiped your eyes.
"Listen… I don't expect anything in return, I want you to feel comfortable being with me, I want you to be the one to allow me to get closer" he sigh heavily before speaking "The last thing I want is for you to feel pressured, forget about the photos, okay? I want you to trust me."
"I'm a bit dramatic sometimes" you said wanting to laugh but failed in the attempt
"You're not," he said in a whisper causing his voice to sound hoarse
"Your feelings are strong, you can't hide them and that's okay."
You looked at him and he gave you a smile, his eyes were still looking at you with adoration, he had the same look as when you entered his truck. You assumed that everything would be fine, he would not walk away.
He wouldn't judge you for your feelings. He would worship you for who you really are, He would be there for you when no one else is. You've become his new favorite person, he can't fight the feeling that you're something else… You're more than he thought you would be.
This is what I'm working on apart from the series I have in the works. I'm excited to write it, you don't know how many scenarios I have in my head. it will be crazy and full of obscenity
