#inteospection

[icedogg23]

Weary. Tired. Cold. Hot

Weary. Tired. Cold. Hot

At the end of the day what Is it all worth? Tough days come and go. Being a parent is tough, but it is worth it. Debating with my children over the trivial things, makes it difficult; especially when it is based off of homework. Homework that you yourself don’t want to do as a child. But when we saw their report cards and they all had high marks, we knew that we were doing right! Today was…

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[megillicuddy]

Do better

Okay, I'm having a hard time letting this go.

There's a woman who is very active in gender identity education and tens rights. She's smart and passionate, though sometimes prone to myopia which I'm comfortable attributing to her youth and inexperience. Sometimes it takes time to learn not to let enthusiasm tramples tact when listening and considering might serve better than an off the cuff retort.

But so in particular, this woman has been active in addressing use of the t-slur in mainstream entertainment, a worthy cause and fairly successful.

A few months ago, she was called out for making a careless parallel between trans oppression and an oppression specific to anti-black racism. She became defensive. Many people do. It's hard to be reminded of your fallibility in social justice issues when you feel strongly about fighting to make things better. But as more and more people piled on, she continued to defend herself, explain her intent, and fail to apologize. She went offline in tears and went on twitter black out for a bit until friends reminded her that intent isn't magic and the best thing to do would have been to acknowledge the damage she'd done and apologize. She did. I thought she'd learned a valuable lesson and provided a good object lesson for others who, because of their progressive views, sometimes forget that they, too, can say and do harmful things.

Flash forward a couple weeks and she and another person are discussing loudly proselytizing Christians. Her friend mentions a passage from the Bible that admonishes against it, citing foes who preach in the streets, near the temples. Our activist quoted the passage.

The discussion hinged around the idea of using this passage to shame street preachers and the like by pointing out that their behavior was prohibited by their own scripture.

Another trans woman, Jewish, pointed out that this passage has historically been a tool of anti-semitism and that quoting it was hurtful.

A simple and responsible response would have been to say, "I didn't realize that, I'm sorry." It would even be inoffensive to say that she'd been considering it from a viewpoint of Christian hypocrisy and had not considered other contexts.

Instead, she told the offended party that she was being ridiculous, that she'd just been confirming the content of the passage for someone who mentioned it, and that it was ridiculous to be offended.

The second woman reminded her that intent isn't magic and that the use of hurtful words, even where no offense is intended is still hurtful. She drew a parallel to the activist's work to stop the use of t***** by drag performers.

The activist doubled down and refused to speak with the other woman further.

I left a link to Chescaleigh's excellent "How to respond to being called out" and the activist's reply was, "well, maybe her feelings were wrong in her "call out"

I suggested that at the point where you find yourself telling someone that their feelings are wrong and ridiculous it might be time to take a minute and reflect on what's been said. I reiterated the idea that quoting something harmful still propagates the harmful words, as in the case of the t-slur in drag culture. She stopped replying.

Maybe it's unfair, but I find myself increasingly disappointed with the failure of progressive, social justice proponents to hold themselves accountable in the same way they do others. In many arenas, social justice discussions have a high barrier for entry that disallows naive mistakes by newcomers and reflexively shames people who are not as well-versed in harm-mitigating language, leading many to give up on learning more about how to approach sensitive subjects and create more comfortable and inclusive spaces.

Meanwhile, there are too many high profile figures who are complacent about their own faux pas, unwilling to listen to even the mildest suggestions that they might not be as mindful as they could be in a given situation.

I'm not perfect, and that's the point -- no one is. But I would be mortified to realize that I was responding to notice of a hurtful mistake in the stereotypical manner of a privilege-blindfold, unwilling to listen , learn, and respond with appropriate empathy and humility.

It's not about this one woman in this one situation; it's a trend that I find disturbing and worrisome. If we, as people who ostensibly care about building a just world that is respectful to all people, are unwilling or unable to live by the ethics we wish others to embrace, it's no wonder that there's fodder for endless SJW jokes in which we're painted as self-aggrandizing hypocrites.

I want to do better. I want everyone to want to do better. And then do it, instead of paying lip service.

[crimefighterbynight]

I'm still waiting for my letter from Hogwarts or his mutant powers to manifest... Which ever comes first.