#internal analysis

[aanalytic]

every year, mac gives up looking at oiled-up men for lent. he has never once made it to easter

[aanalytic]

sunny s17 wishlist:

- dee takes a goddamn W for once

- dee and the waitress hang out. or kiss

- charlie covered in dirt (or blood. or both)

- emotionally charged dennis moment please megan ganz i know you’re out there

- charlie and mac best pals/partners in crime type episode

[aanalytic]

5 songs i’ve been listening to a lot lately:

- i’ve got no friends here / moonwater

- espresso / sabrina carpenter

- philosophize in it! chemicalize with it! / kishi bashi

- smoky mountain angel (of doom) / caleb groh

- sweet disposition / the temper trap (or a rly good cover by sawyer)

tagged by @placid-styles !

tagging mutuals in my notes @gremlin-pattie & @kod-lyoko & @chipadip & @theunknownpoetandrewfoster & @a-a-a-anon & anyone that sees this if you want to do this too!!!!!

[aanalytic]

hi y’all!!! i love you!!! i’ve been busy workin on something super exciting, but it won’t be out for a while, so here’s a tiny preview of it :,)

[aanalytic]

i have to write this week or im going to die actually for real and serious

go finish the cowboy fic holy shit

angst-driven pet project oneshot

stand corrected 2

somethin else (TELL ME??)

cal "aanalytic" analytiic only button

Voting ended onFeb 10, 2025

slightly lower than usual pain levels today. we might be fucking back. will work on whatever's winning throughout the week

[aanalytic]

wanted to talk a little more about my latest fic, just to stop the feeling (go read it here!!! sunny zine / extended version)

- the background i used for the zine was scanned from my own journal (which does NOT have a page where i admit to being gay, because that knowledge predates this journal by a couple years)

- regretfully, the scene outside the nightclub was not pulled from personal experience, but i have had moments like that of radical drunk self-awareness

- the term “butterflies in your stomach” didn’t feel strong enough for me! i wanted to lean into how much energy comes with it, how charged it feels, and it was SO FUN coming up with different ways to describe that warm sparkly feeling

- the sunset turning pink on their first date came from something i heard a lot growing up — “pink in the morning, sailors take warning; pink at night, sailors delight”. typically, pink skies at sunrise indicates storms ahead, but at sunset, it means good weather is coming. i also try to keep an eye out for pink sunsets as a good-luck charm :,)

- the line about dee feeling like she would keep this secret forever, and that it was going to kill her, was so incredibly real and important for me to include. maybe more vital, though, was mentioning that she was grateful to have been wrong about it — i definitely was <3

- i took a lot of big big risks for this one! writing fiction is deeply foreign to me and i’m still trying to learn what my voice sounds like. i tried to lean into more figurative language and repetition/motifs, which i was SO nervous about. also tried to keep my prose a little looser and more natural as well :,)

- i almost wrote something different. this idea felt too heavy-handed for a fun summer zine, and i didn’t know how the hell i was going to pull it off, but man, i’m glad i fought for this thing

p.s., thank you for being so sweet to me about this :,)) it always knocks me on my ass how kind and supportive and wonderful y’all are <3

with love (and light and heat and sound), cal <3

[aanalytic]

the hold music for my neurologist is SO compressed. one byte. and they keep interrupting the song to tell me that all of their representatives are with other patients. i ASSUMED that's why i'm ON HOLD

[aanalytic]

today would’ve been my mom’s birthday :,) my god she was cool. i got so much of my music taste and my sense of humor from her. i used to be so angry at her but it didn’t do me any good and it’s all behind me <3 grateful to be alive as always tonight