#internaleggplant

[daysleftofsecondterm]

I saw this, and I decided you deserved a fat kiss on the head. This is amazing, and a great reminder that, no matter how hard it gets, there is always an ending to the bad.

The void may seem endless, but infinity is merely a concept that our reality does not accommodate. There is hope on the horizon always and forever. Keep on walking, and the future will too.

Beautifully said on 1,239 days left- and it means more than you know, thank you so much.

[randomly--accessed--memories]

decided to compile all the proto ram stuff into one post because i was trying to get all the proto vox stuff that i didn't include in the master post organized

Val and Vel are horrified when they’re delivered the drone footage of the hotel. Not only is Alastor back and has Vox, but he’s done… something to him. Valentino met Vox after he shed his original form and Vox always did his damndest to make sure neither he nor Velvette ever found out what he used to look like, so when they see Vox, almost (but not quite) unrecognizable in both appearance and behavior, they think Alastor has taken possession of his soul and transformed him into that… thing.

After they have time to cool down, Val realizes that Vox was always weirdly private when talking about his early life in Hell and is able to inhabit different robot bodies/modify his form. Maybe that’s all Alastor did: order him into a new body. It hardly makes it better though. Regardless of whether it’s reversible or not, he and Vel want to do unspeakable things to Alastor for robbing Vox of his last shred of dignity.

Alternately, Vox could revert to his original body after signing his souls away to the other Vees. Everyone panics, thinking he’s dying when his form starts to crumble and change, and are astonished when it stabilizes as a 3 foot tall, pie-eyed cartoon. His powers are still dangerous, but at least he’s easier to handle physically.

-

We know that sinners regenerate but considering Vox's modifications to his body aren't natural, what if his body tries to regenerate to his original form? Like Vel and Val dont question why Vox always repairs or replaces every minor injury instead of just letting his overlord healing handle it. A fight with Alastor goes really badly and Vox has to respawn in his tiny body. This is the first time the other Vees have seen him like this and maybe Alastor did this intentionally because he wanted to the see the old Vox again.

You know, that’d probably be a good way for Proto RAM to happen: Alastor tears Vox’s body apart until it’s in literal pieces and he respawns in his original body, but Vox was so fiercely protective of his “secret” that no one knows how to recreate his modern body except him, and, well, that information was lost alongside most of Vox’s memories.

-

Sudden horrible thought: Alastor watched as Vox slowly began modifying/replacing parts of his body. First it was the hands (at the time, Al thought it was flattering that Vox wanted claws just like his own), then the limbs, and so on. During the torture, Alastor makes sure to remove each augmentation in chronological order. Once he gets rid of all the unnecessary additions that pulled them apart, then everything will be as it should be… right?

-

Vox doesn’t have any memories of The Ordeal

But whenever he recalls this horrible occasion, he can feel something itching in the back of his brain. This was the only time his overlord did anything like that to him… so why does he feel like it happened twice?

-

Thinking about Proto Vox. There’s something weirdly tragic about imagining Vox in the tower, caught up in the hurricane of his trauma and psychosis and trying to externalize it, only to be bodily picked up and carried back to his rooms by Valentino or whoever (not Velvette through, she only has two feet on him). No one dares call his episodes “temper tantrums,” but the comparison is unavoidable given his appearance.

-

mental image of tiny ram!proto!vox dragging someone around his quarters in the tower by the hand, chattering away non-stop. they’re going somewhere. who knows where.

-

I feel like Vox and Val’s relationship post-broadcast would be rather different in a Proto Vox scenario. Vox isn’t so consistently scared of or indifferent to Valentino; most of the time, he’s totally willing to talk to him! Unfortunately, that’s because Val is roughly the same height as Vox’s old boss and being around him tends to throw Vox back to that time in his afterlife.

It’s so hard for Val, watching Vox 100% locked into this ridiculous, cutesy persona because he thinks Val will hurt him if he drops it for even a second. It’s equally hard when Vox is out of control, screaming and cussing him out because he perceives him as one of the people he loathed most in his life– someone Val didn’t even know existed up until this point.

On the days when Vox is stuck in cartoon brain, Val has to weigh his options. Does he want to spend time with this version of Vox, who’s agonizingly different from the one he knew, because something is better than nothing? Or should he avoid that floor of the tower like the plague?

-

Vox thinks his boss is testing him when Val begs/screams at him to just act normal. It wouldn’t be the first time. He sees that cigarette in “her” hand; he’s not about to get burned again for breaking character.

-

Val isn’t sure if Vox’s delusions about him being his old overlord are a blessing or a curse. In vanilla RAM, Vox only lets Val touch him when he’s too out of it to remember to get angry that another man is trying to hold him or be scared of the 10 foot tall moth monster that’s suddenly in his room. In the Proto Vox scenario, those reactions still happen on occasion, but most of the time, when Val initiates physical contact, Vox reacts “well.” He’ll sit/lay in Valentino’s arms without complaint (other than the occasional attempts to get up to do something else) and even reciprocate attempts at physical affection… but Val knows it’s not like how it was before. Behind the loving facade, Vox is seething with resentment for a woman who’s been dead for more than half a century— a woman who he’s convinced is the person holding him at that moment. Val’s used to knowing the person he’s with secretly loathes him, but it feels different with Vox. It actually hurts. Val truly isn’t sure if he prefers the days when Vox is trapped playing the adoring pet, or the ones when he’s openly hostile/fearful/apprehensive in his presence. It all means the same thing in the end: Vox doesn’t love want him anymore.

-

Proto Vox RAM thoughts : Alastor didn’t used to undermine Vox’s personal agency. Back when they were friends, despite the fact he could be a bit unintentionally patronizing, Alastor treated Vox with the same kind of respect that he afforded everyone else. Yes, it was on his on his own, weird terms, but he spoke to Vox like an adult, let him make his own choices, and would hear him out when he made suggestions. It wasn’t an entirely balanced relationship, but given how Vox had spent his previous few years in Hell, Alastor might as well have been declaring them equals— partners.

Things are different at the hotel. Alastor’s memories of his and Vox’s past relationship are cloudy, seen through rose-tinted glasses. Additionally, he feels as though Vox has proven that he can’t be trusted to make his own decisions— the ones he made once they parted ways were so poor, clearly he needs a guiding hand to keep him on the proper path! He condescends to Vox, giving him orders in a way that’s different than Vox remembers. But due to the conditioning, Vox can’t fully process or push back against this change in behavior; Alastor is always right, so obviously there must be a good reason why he’s treating him like this.

Vox is programmed to always recognize Alastor, but… the idea of him looking at Al on a particularly delirious day and seeing his old overlord is one hell of a gut punch. It’d certainly shake Alastor, realizing that, in Vox’s eyes, he’s become the same as the person he hated most in the world, but Vox is unable to properly express or even comprehend it.

-

RAM!Proto Vox who remembers that he once had another body, but has a directive that goes “I was so silly, thinking I needed to change. I’m perfect as I am!” whenever he tries to think about it. He still experiences all the same body dysmorphia, he’s just forced to repress it.

-

Very vague discussion of some stuff from the leaks

In the Proto Vox scenario, back when they were friends, Alastor felt somewhat of a kinship with Vox. Aside from the way Alastor had also struggled to get people to take him seriously in his human life despite his talent, Vox’s relationship with his boss was uncomfortably similar to Alastor’s with his contract holder. Being forced to pretend to adore them, being repeatedly called a pet or a toy… it was all very familiar to him, although he’d rather swallow nails than admit it, even to Vox.

After they reunite in RAM, things get… messy. Alastor is already comfortable abusing and belittling those under his sway in order to make himself feel more in-control of his own situation, but things are especially charged with Vox. He doesn’t go as far as to outright call Vox his pet, but the new, condescending attitude he has with him is very familiar to both of them. Additionally, the way Vox is never permitted to stop openly adoring Alastor, despite how bitterly he used to hate him, is… reminiscent of various things.

Alastor has conflicting feelings about this whole situation. On one hand, the part of him that’s petty, mean, and desperate to assert his own power gets a sense of satisfaction from having such complete control over his former rival, similar to how he enjoys “taking Husk down a peg.” However…. he did once see himself in Vox, and aside from revenge, part of the point of doing all this to him was to get his friend back. For some reason, in this one instance, having all this power over someone didn’t soothe his ego.

-

You know, I think of “All Eyes on Me” by OR3O as more of a canon Vox song, but tbh, it could kinda work for the Other Ending since it is a revenge song.

Also, now I’m thinking about how horrifying the Other Ending would be for Vox in the Proto Vox scenario. Imagine regaining your lucidity after seven/eight years of constant psychosis and realizing your former best friend/crush not only violated your mind, but also permanently altered your body because he didn’t like what you’d done to change it. Fucking nightmarish.

-

A thought: Vox and Niffty’s relationship would probably be even more intimate in the Proto Vox scenario. Not only are they the only people who understand how each other’s minds work, but also the experience of never being treated like adults because of their bodies. Niffty’s probably the only person Vox doesn’t feel like is talking down to him, partially because, well, they’re the same height.

also RIP pentious, now you’ve gotta keep track of Two Of Them

-

Not significantly different since their personalities are more or less the same, but a little bit.

Vox waffles between being Spinel-like and having a MASSIVE chip on his shoulder about people taking him seriously, so that impacts most of his relationships. It can be kind of hard to know how to interact with him on any given day, since it’s equally likely that he’s completely locked into his cartoon persona as it is that he’ll explode at you for using the wrong tone of voice with him. He’ll be whoever Alastor wants him to be in the moment (to the best of his abilities), but for everyone else, it’s a coin toss.

Niffty’s the same as ever personality-wise. The other residents are a bit less indulgent with her since she’s visibly an adult now, but they still mostly take her as she is. Alastor treats her less like a pet and more like a quirky friend, but I feel like it would be a very subtle difference.

-

I had considered that scenario since, so far, I’ve written Vox’s boss with very similar mannerisms to Overlord Niffty, plus she did have a habit of treating people (particularly men) like objects. However, I’m really fond of the friendship I’ve built up for them in RAM, so I’m reluctant to give them an antagonistic past (additionally, it’d raise the question why Vox doesn’t immediately recognize her when they meet at the hotel, even if she looks slightly different, since his memories only cut off post-falling out with Alastor). Maybe it could be a mainverse thing, where everything happens the same as in canon, but Proto Vox and Overlord Niffty are backstory elements. Would explain why Niffty asks “Who are the Vees?,” Vox reacts with shock and then delight when she kills Adam, and that shot of Vox grinning at Niffty frozen in front of the cameras right before the Finale.

-

Random thought: What if Niffty and Vox worked under the same overlord when they were first starting out? Niffty made the silly, oversized outfits Vox’s boss used to have him wear. They weren’t close, but there was an understanding there, both being small, nonthreatening newlydead with big dreams who had to play nice with the big dogs for now. Niffty is absolutely delighted to be reunited with her old not-quite friend/coworker at the hotel. He’s a lot less standoffish than she remembers him for some reason!

-

Niffty when Alastor summons Vox to the hotel: Hey, I know him!! Alastor, preparing for his whole terrible plan to go up in smoke: Niffty: We used to work together!! Hi Vox!!! Alastor, tentacles receding back into his back: Oh, isn’t that an amusing coincidence!

-

She probably knew. Vox would drop the act whenever his boss wasn’t around, and since Niffty could clearly empathize (even if her job wasn’t to be treated like a toy 24/7), he was more open to being honest/commiserating with her. It’s possible that scenario could still happen at the hotel though. Niffty might default to Vox’s old style (heck, Alastor might encourage her to do so since he’s trying to recreate the past) since it’s been so long and she’s not thinking clearly. The idea of her taking his preferences into account and doing her best to help him look and feel like an adult is really sweet though.

-

Had some ideas about Proto Vox and Niffty while driving

Vox and Niffty meet when Vox's boss hires her to make his clothes/costumes. She's not under contract with his overlord (not under contract with anyone, in fact); she's just freelancing, so she only comes by the compound once every few weeks.

The two of them form a tentative bond over the hardships they face due to their demonic forms, and their shared ambitions to eventually rise above their stations.

Vox is hamstrung by being locked into a deal with his boss and only ever being allowed to leave the base in her company. Niffty is just a regular sinner with no real power, but she uses her seamstress job and unassuming appearance to network and collect/trade information.

Vox is privy to tons of information about his overlord's business dealings and private affairs since he's almost always with her. Up until this point, he hadn't been able to make use of that information due to his limited mobility, but now he has Niffty. He shares confidential information with her, and she carries it back outside. She then trades it to others in exchange for favors/assets/information, which she shares with Vox whenever she sees him next.

They're able to keep this arrangement up for a few years. Niffty's starting to accumulate some power, but Vox is still stuck under his boss' thumb. One day, something bad goes down between Vox and his boss, and he confides in Niffty that he needs to get out of this fucking place; he feels like he's gonna snap if he doesn't. Sympathizing with her friend, Niffty decides to take a risk. She spreads a rumor that Vox's boss has done/is planning on doing something to slight the Radio Demon.

Just as she'd hoped, Alastor shows up at Vox's overlord's compound and kills her, broadcasting her screams to the city. Niffty is excited, not only because there's now a power vacuum that she can take advantage of but also because Vox is free. However, he's nowhere to be found. Niffty assumes he split to go strike out on his own and tries not to resent him for not getting in contact with her (and hopes that she didn't accidentally get him killed by sending the Radio Demon after the woman whose company he was always in).

Years pass, and Niffty builds up her business, eventually achieving overlord status. At an event, she happens to cross paths with Alastor... and Vox! She's thrilled to see him again (and that he's not dead). It turns out that Alastor took an interest in him when he went to kill his boss, and Vox has been with him ever since. Things were a bit rocky at first, but after a while, the two of them became friends– actual friends, not a master and servant like Vox and his old boss had been. With Alastor's guidance, Vox has been building up power of his own. He recently discovered that he can modify his body, and has just gotten his first augmentation: a pair of neon blue claws (which look suspiciously similar to Alastor's, but Niffty doesn't mention that). The two of them agree to stay in touch and possibly do business together now that they've got more than just information to offer each other.

Vox and Niffty remain friends, occasionally meeting up for business-related things or just to chat. Vox slowly upgrades more and more parts of his body. Niffty's happy for him that he's finally able to gain some control over the form he hated. She jokes with him that she's jealous; he gets to change his body however he wants, but she's stuck looking this way forever. Do ladybugs go through metamorphosis? However, things are starting to get tense between Vox and Alastor. She can't tell if it's because of the upgrades, Vox's increasing confidence and success, or something else.

Eventually, Vox and Alastor fall out. Niffty is just as shocked as the rest of the city when Vox emerges from their fight not only alive, but having forced Alastor to retreat. Yes, it was a stalemate and Vox came out of it the worse for wear, but it was still something no one else had been able to do before. While she knows the split from Alastor hurt him deeply, Niffty is happy for Vox that he's suddenly in the spotlight, ready to claim the power he always craved in a body that feels right to him.

Alastor has a dilemma now: he wants to make Vox pay for ruining things between them and daring to try to compete with him, but he doesn't want to kill Vox. He's also curious about a certain ability of his that he's aware of but has yet to fully explore. The solution to both problems presents itself in the form of Niffty. While she and Vox truly aren't that close, she's an easy target, and Alastor's been feeling spiteful these past few months.

Vox is shaken by Niffty's "death," but it does nothing to dissuade him from the path he's on– quite the opposite. However, he's horrified when he learns about Alastor's new maid. Seeing Niffty, a clever and driven woman who he'd once commiserated with over their pathetic demonic forms, reduced to a hyper, childish freak is like something out of a nightmare. Vox could hear the message Alastor was trying to send loud and clear: "If I can do this to her, I can do it to you too." The thought of losing everything and truly becoming the fool everyone had once assumed him to be was terrifying, but Vox's pride and hatred of Alastor would not allow him to back down. He took measures to protect himself from his former friend and continued working to build his soon-to-be empire.

When Vox and Niffty reunite at the hotel, neither them are in the right headspace to process what's wrong. However, there's a little twinge of... something deep within them both. Something like sorrow.

-

Vox is a fundamentally selfish person. He’s fully capable of love and can make the right decisions if the circumstances are right, but in this scenario, he makes a selfish (yet understandable) choice that leads to more selfish, less understandable decisions until he finally ends up wrecking his opportunity to have a real second chance with his kids.

If RAM happens, it’s more or less the same as the non-Proto Vox scenario, just with more complicated feelings. Val and Vel keep them around because they’re good for Vox. Vox is deep in his delusions and doesn’t remember the whole fish tank thing. Fineas is bitter, Ondine is struggling.

Things are made especially weird if Vox has reverted back to his old body. Fineas and Ondine finally understand the real reason he avoided coming to get them all those years and that he was telling the truth about being unable to do so… at first. It’s not a good enough reason. They might be able to forgive him somewhat in the Niffty scenario. Not sure about the Rosie scenario. Either way, seeing him in that body, caught up in old memories, is like pulling teeth (it’d also be pretty rough in an AU with Proto Vox and young adult Fineas and Ondine, although a lot more straightforward).

Aside from Valentino and Velvette not letting them go, I’m not sure they’d be able to bring themselves to return to Rosie, knowing she’ll welcome Alastor back with open arms once he returns.

Charlie is, uh. regretting not getting to know more about her residents before now (granted, Vox wouldn’t’ve been able to tell her about this whole mess even if she had asked).

-

Not particularly different from the normal version. She already pities him for the state he’s in, so knowing that Alastor tampered with his body only adds to that.

If you’re talking about the scenario where she used to work with Vox, then yeah, it’d be rough. It’s incredibly painful to see the man she had once considered a friend thrown back in time and into a form he hated. Regardless of how she feels about Vox and the role he played in her downfall, watching him be trapped in memories of the worst time in his “life”… it’s not cathartic, it’s just sad.

At least he knows her on those days, and can talk to her as though they’re still in his boss’ old compound, swapping information and commiserating about their demonic forms. He’s not entirely wrong, even if he’s confused about the location: they are both back to square one, after all. Vox, locked up in a gilded cage, and Niffty, stuck doing menial labor for those above her.

[ditto-dex]

Could you please do minior in its metor form?

Thanks for doing the ditto dex by the way!

I gotcha :)

[daysleftofsecondterm]

I use this blog to doomscroll sometimes.which isnt your fault. Its just me reminding myself that "Hey stuff sucks". But unrelated, im so sorry have been talking about how "religion sucks and blah blah" blech.

There's no harm in believing in religion. Religion is not inherently evil, and neither is atheism. But when you turn it into a weapon it becomes "us vs them" and THATS NOT THE POINT (mostly). Some people suck, but it's the loud minority theory. By fighting each other, we're letting the assholes win. We need to fight the assholes. Not the people who just wanna believe in something.

ALSO ALSO I have pictures of my cat as a kitten.

Hes so scringly

One of the side effects of that particular post going up in flames, is asks like this. The assurance that I didn’t secretly say something bigoted on this blog and the understanding that decent, sane people understand what I said, is worth its weight in gold.

Thank you so much for your scringly little baby. There are 1,229 days left.

[daysleftofsecondterm]

I know this blog doesn't stop once he's dead, but I was so fucking excited that he was dead today. Is it good to hope for someone to die? No, not usually. But today, I'd say the benefit outweighs the cost. Even so, if he dies, the term is not over. Vance is next.

Now, this may be too hopeful, but I think, in our lifetime, we could see the downfall of the republican party. Why do I say this? Well, basically nobody agrees with them except old dicks. Sure, some people are still right-leaning, but very few are full "Trump". So, if that motivates anyone to keep moving on, that's great. If I'm being too excited, then feel free to say it.

You know, my partner and I had this discussion when the first assassination attempt happened. We were talking about how we were worried, because the people baying for blood were our friends, were people we admired, and they were making sense. We were terrified of what that meant for us. Ultimately we decided “how tragic is it that our lives would be improved by the murder of one demented senior citizen.”

We have 1,234 days left

[daysleftofsecondterm]

What's up, it's me again! Been a while, huh? How's life, everyone? Anyway, we're almost at 1000 days. And Iron Lung came out! Just goes to show that nothing is "never gonna happen". Took 6 years and it still came out. Pretty sure the FNAF movie took 8 and its here. With a sequel too. Point is, this should be a sign. Despite hell and high water, there was creation. Plus, we're getting close to the halfway point. Thats exciting (except I might be doing the mental math wrong).

We haven't made it to the halfway point yet- sorry buddy. But we only have another 1,071 days left, so that's good! Things do come and there is a point to waiting.

[randomly--accessed--memories]

Who and or what has Vox seen as his daughter, and what happened because of it? Like for example.

Velvette. He sees her as his daughter and because of that, she's able to get Vox back in his room sometimes.

Or like, the porcelain doll concept.

Who or what was he attached to like it was his own child, and how has it affected him or the person/object?

There's probably a few youthful-looking tower employees who've had to play house with Vox against their will (probably one or two women who he's mistaken for his wife too...). They're not allowed to say no to him, so no matter how uncomfortable it is, they have to roll with it as best they can. It's harrowing for them, but Velvette and Valentino don't exactly give them a choice in the matter (or any support). Can't decide if Vel would systematize this process, figuring out which employees can play the each part best and sending them in when it seems like Vox is having a human day, or if she'd find that concept demeaning (for Vox of course, she doesn't give a shit about the employees).

Don't really think Vox would project onto objects. When he was still recovering, he'd hold conversations with thin air, but that was more of a “year one” thing.

[randomly--accessed--memories]

Using this tag! Imagine Vox seeing Alastor again, deeply trusting him because of what happened, but there is an inherent sense of terror in him. A pure and utter pain thrilling down his spine that makes it feel so hard to breathe when he sees this man. But he's so nice, and Vox gets these butterflies when he sees him. But for some reason, that feels wrong because of the brainwashing and that, again, some deep instinct inside his mind makes him want to curl up into himself and sob.

It's rough for Vox. He has to deal with so much cognitive dissonance on a daily basis– reality not matching up with his memories, his behavior not matching his emotions, his thoughts not matching the matter at hand. His relationship with Alastor is a mess of repressed feelings and smiling through obviously negative interactions. Being away from Alastor is agony, but being with him is both deeply emotionally painful and the only thing that makes him feel "at ease" (or rather, like he's doing what he's meant to do).