#interview with...

[wowheadquarters]

Interview with Bolvar

Q: Hey, how's death going for you?

Bolvar: I mean, I suppose it’s fine, since I am, you know, actually still alive.

Q: What do you think of Sylvanas recent action?

Bolvar: I haven’t yet processed her less-recent actions, and I have been strongly advised not to think about her actions much. It would be very bad for my nerves and that would be very bad for my attempts not to go into... Lich-King-Crazy rampage?

Q: Apart from sitting on the throne and checking that no undead break orders, how do you spend your time?

Bolvar: I mostly stare at the wall. Sometime I get someone to talk to. Nothing much to do when I am frozen in a block of ice. I am seriously thinking about getting out of this ice block and have at least a stretch.

Q: Which is the lich with which you speak most willingly and which has proven most supportive to your "coronation"?

Bolvar: Y’know, everyone has been so supportive. I mostly get to talk to Lady Deathwhisper, since she is residing in the Citadel. She likes to chit chat, I am afraid she has been very lonely here for a long time.

Q: Having been his guardian, do you have any embarassing stories about little Anduin?

Bolvar: Yes. But it is not my place to share them.

Q: What do you think of the ship between you and lady Prestor a.k.a Onyxia?

Bolvar: This “ship” is an unit of distance, right? I hope it is.

Q: Are you starting to believe that the Horde and the Alliance should not be in charge and that maybe the Scourge should rule, because clearly the whole Horde vs Alliance isn't working.

Bolvar: While I am by now pretty much sure that the Alliance and the Horde are... a bunch of incompetent but armed kindergarden brats lacking sufficient supervision, I am not of the opinion the Scourge should rule anything either. Bolvar: I am constantly this close to succumbing to this very all-evil demon-spirit-whatever parasite whose power I have harnessed in my body. Bolvar: You know who should be in charge? Baine Bloodhoof. Or that Pandaren guy... Taran Zhu is the name, I believe? One of those.

Q: Is it annoying to have Arthas and his ego in your head?

Bolvar: Well... Not exactly in the way you put it. I haven’t got Arthas himself in my head, but I have sort of inherited his memories. And Ner’zhul’s memories with them. It can be sometimes very... confusing.

Q: And are all the death knights your new children?

Bolvar: Good gods, no! Bolvar: Maybe a little. Bolvar: But only some of them. Bolvar: Somebody needs to care about them.

Q: Have you ever thought about gain a mount? So... An undead tiger maybe?

Bolvar: I am sure that were I inneed to dravel, I’d be handed either an undead horse or a frost wyrm. Or undead gryphon. Bolvar: All felines, alive, undead or in any other state of being are in Naxxramas.

Q: Do you ever score quiet moments between governing the scourge forces? If so, how do you pass the time?

Bolvar: By being stuck to one place in a block of ice. Bolvar: Sometimes I explore this... mind connection I have to the Scourge. It’s a puzzling thing.

Q: Who is Taelia' s mother?

Bolvar: Oh, it was- Taedal: CENSORED! INTERVIEW CANCELLED! Bolvar: Who are you and how did you get in here even?

[wowheadquarters]

Interview with Mal’Ganis

Q: Question of habit: what is like to be in Heroes of the Storm?

Mal’Ganis: Let’s be honest here; I am not in it for the fight and the slaughter and victory, as sweet a bonus they are. I am in it for the banter. Mal’Ganis: As much as I despise that... Archlich of yours, that is something we both agree on - the jabber is ten times better than the fight.

Q: How is it being one of the best (in my opinion) cards in Hearthstone?

Mal’Ganis: I would prefer to be a player rather than the one to be played. Mal’Ganis: However, I appreciate the irony within the fact that an Azeroth trading card game has decided to include me on their cards.

Q: We have heard of the tortures that you and the others have done to Ner'zhul but which was the worst?

Mal’Ganis: I am not sure what was the worst for him. My favorite, however, was when I tied his spine into a pretzel and made him crawl thorough that loop. Mal’Ganis: But then, if you are willing to see the larger picture, I think the worst we have done to him was binding him to that blasted sword, letting him to keep all the memories of what his life used to be and of being the person he could never be again.

Q: What was it like deceiving Arthas and playing with him like a puppet, only to be sent back in the Twisting Nether by Ner'zhul's counter machinations?

Mal’Ganis: Sort of expected, actually. And hella annoying. And still unwelcomed when it came. Mal’Ganis: I have a few women in my acquaintance, and when I described to them my feelings, they told me that this is exactly what it is like to find your panties bloody when you were expecting your menstruation cycle to start. Mal’Ganis: I... am not sure what that meant, and I am damn sure I don’t want to know.

Q: What exactly were your plans for the Scarlet Onslaught?

Mal’Ganis: Eventually the destruction of Azeroth, of course. Or infusing it with fel, which is virtually the same to you - a planet no longer suitable for the life of mortals. Mal’Ganis: But I had some thoughts about opening a chain of very cheap and trashy fast food, just for the mockery of the religion, and kicking Arthas in his frozen balls, because personal grudges, and also some fashion revolution within the Scarlet Crusade, because have you seen the things they were wearing? Mal’Ganis: I acknowledge that it was sort of stalling, but I wanted some fun.

Q: Do you think you will try to get revenge against the new Lich King?

Mal’Ganis: Well, let’s see. The Dark Titan is no longer around to tell me what to do and this Lich King is somebody completely new. So... No. Mal’Ganis: The Archlich, however...

Q: Where are you now that Azeroth is in a new Faction War?

Mal’Ganis: BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Idiots. Such idiots! At this pace they won’t even need me at all!

Q: Do you have some kind oh burning legion harem? You know, plenty of succubus or doom guards? I heard some demon lords take advantages of their rank.

Mal’Ganis: No. I have found myself to lack the time to enjoy such pleasures. And speaking of it, there are far more pleasant ways I could entertain myself. Mal’Ganis: Why, were you intending to join?

Q: What do you think about the pit lords like Mannoroth? Do you think they are cool and badass or just some mindless brutes?

Mal’Ganis: Let’s put it like this; Imagine that your horse suddenly starts talking and develops ambitions and thinks it has a valid and important opinion on your job and you should do as it says. Mal’Ganis: Got it? Now ten times as big and spiky and breathing flame. That’s a pit lord.

[wowheadquarters]

Interview with Illidan

Q: Why didn't Illidan leave a message for me, Maiev???

Illidan: Oh, suddenly we are on speaking terms, huh? Now when I am too far away for you to reach, right? When you can put your grubby metal-clad hands on me. Illidan: You’re not getting a Winter’s Veil postacrd from me, Maiev! Illidan: Or, maybe you do, because I’m seriously bored here and making postcards could entertain me a bit. But all of the postcards will be passive-aggressive.

Q: When you were onboard the Vindicar with Velen and you told him that he didn't try to stop his closest allies from turning to darkness, were you referring to Maiev stopping you at the Black Temple when you had turned to darkness Those years spent in Maiev's crystal must have done you some good because you seem more balanced and in control compared with back then

Illidan: Hold your sabercats. Maiev came a bit couple of years late to the party. I pretty much wasn’t referring to her. Illidan: But being technically dead and stuck in a fel crystal for a couple of years is a good time to do some reflection. And I also gut sucked that horrible skull out of me, which... helped to clear my head.

Q: Do you have fatherly feelings for the Illidari?

Illidan: Uhh... Illidan: If anyone asks what I answered, I said “No” and then threw a tantrum about it, alright? Illidan: But if you harm my children, I have demons and an alibi!

Q: Have any of them ever called you "Illidad"?

Illidan: Okay, this one didn’t happen. Illidan: Most of them are so terrified of me that when I do inspections they are sorry they haven’t visited the privy in time.

Q: How tastes the fel?

Illidan: Imagine biting into a lemon, but that lemon is trying to kill you. That’s how tastes the fel.

Q: I wonder.... Did you appreciate the efforts of the Illidari to bring you back? There trust in you is so high that you can be proud of them

Illidan: (Pats his chest above heart and grins) Those are my boys and girls. They’re the best.

[wowheadquarters]

Interview with Jaina

Q: Jaina... Are you really blaming Rexxar, thrall and the Horde for what happened with your father... Because... How I put this gently?... Your dad was a crazy psycho who wanted to iniciate a genocide and continue an already ended war just because something so stupid as vengeance and hate... So... Yeah, he deserved it, sorry.

Jaina: (Violently sobbing) Thank you, I need- -hic- ed to hear that. Jaina: I mean -hic- really. I thought I was -hic- going crazy

Q: How much do you practice that song - the one that basically insulted you?

Jaina: Well, it’s really catchy... And it’s not like there was zero communication with Kul Tiras, I mean Theramore is a port and my homeland borns the best sailors in this world. Jaina: I... I don’t know what I was thinking. Perhaps I wanted to turn the song propaganda which painted me as the evil one for just trying my best into my personal Let It Go.

Q: How has your relationship with Katherine improved since you returned to Kul Tiras?

Jaina: I am not saying it isn’t awkward, because it totally is. Jaina: But on the other hand we are on speaking terms again! And she gave me some boyfriend advice. It was “Don’t choose by hair.”

Q: Do you still call Anduin your nephew?

Jaina: In the privacy of my head and Anduin’s sole company, yes. Jaina: And also among his age-peers, because I like to be that horrible auntie which embarrasses him. Somebody has to do that, it’s not like he has his own parents now.

Q: Would you ever return to Theramore?

Jaina: I... I’d love to say a resolute no here. But I’m not sure whether it wouldn’t be a lie. Jaina: You know, the older I get, the more I understand all those powerful mages who built their towers of solitude somewhere in harsh wilderness and nobody bothered them there. Theramore was my magic tower in the middle of a swamp. I just did the stupid mistake of having a city at it too.

Q: Do you do hugs?

Jaina: If you’re offering, I’m taking five.

Q: Do you have any embarrassing Anduin stories? Or if you do not want to tell those, any favourite memory of him?

Jaina: Oh, I do, I do, but I’m saving them for special occasions.  But a slightly embarrassing memory I am really fond of is that shortly after the whole hell that broke loose on Pandaria, I paid a visit to Stormwind where I found him in an especially bad mood, mumbling to himself. Nobody there seemed to understand what he was saying. Jaina: Why, he was speaking Draconic, and there were especially foul words he was using about the existence of everything. I wasn’t having a great day either and I was really tired, so without much thinking I sort of joined in. Jaina: For reasons that are beyond me, Chromie was passing by and overheard us being very smoke-mawed, as the dragon expression is, in the library in front of many people, and Kalec and Wrathion had much explaining to do.

[wowheadquarters]

Interview with Nathanos

Q: Nathanos, I need to know how you manage to sound so evil. You could say "I love puppies" and it would menacing and I need to know your secret.

Nathanos: Being dead and dressing like a gnometal fan 20 years behind the fashion helps. Besides that... it’s a trade secret.

Q: You might rather be dipped in acid than answer this question, but here goes: do you luuurve the Dark Lady? It’s very important to know. 

Nathanos: I wouldn’t say I “luuurve” anyone.

Q: How many puppets do you have? Any change you could reveal your favourite?

Nathanos: 2. I use them as targets. I like the smaller one better, although hitting it from 75 zyards stopped being a challenge years ago.

Q: Humans! Amirite? (this is your cue to express your feelings on the living)

Nathanos: Yes. They breathe loudly. They chew with their mouths open. Nathanos: And they ask questions. (Very ugly look.)

Q: I mean, working with all the Horde races, how's that gone for ya?

Nathanos: Well, I report directly to the Banshee Queen, now Warchief. Whatever I don’t report to her and it isn’t under my command, which aren’t living troops most of the time, that doesn’t concern me. Nathanos: That is, I have been successfully ignoring the Horde and our relationship is so far fine.

Q: How's it feel to have your splendidly undead yet straight standing form?

Nathanos: Stiff. Very, very stiff. You see, I had this very dead Goblin surgeon to replace my spinal chord, which is no longer of any use to me, with a rather strong wire. It works, but it cannot be called comfrotable.

Q: Would you consider owning a cat?

Nathanos: Yes, I have considered it even. Nathanos: Certain lich then threatened to sue for copyright. Nathanos: And let’s face the cold cruel facts: The Cult of the Damned gets a lot of lawyers. Good lawyers.

Q: Least favourite Alliance leader besides the dogman?

Nathanos: As of recently, Highpriestess Whisperwind.

Q: Your favourite alliance leader?

Nathanos: A tough question. But perhaps Thane Wildhammer. I feel... a kind of a hunter’s kinship.

Q: Least annoying Horde race? Beside the dead, of course.

Nathanos: The Tauren. They don’t get in the way.

Q: Morning person?

Nathanos: Is this a face of a man who sleeps?

Q: If you'd like to say, what is your personal opinion on the nature of the alliance between the Horde and the Forsaken?

Nathanos: We are beneficial to each other. We benefit to the Horde and eahc of its races, which is why we are allowed to stay in the Horde. Each of other Horde races benefits to us, which is why we’ve decided to stay in the horde so far.

Q: Favourite foods! Tell me, I'm looking to expand my culinary adventures.

Nathanos: I... don’t eat. Or have working taste buds any longer. But when alive, I used to be fond of vegetable pies. Or basically anything I didn’t have to hunt for and cook and someone else did it for me. Which is basically fruit and vegetable. But I preferred salty over sweet.

Q: Do you follow Kottkrig on Tumblr? Because they post the most amazing undead folks.

Nathanos: On what? What’s tumbling thing you are talking about? Also please, don’t send the undead thorough post without their consent, it is the most uncomfortable and the parcels get lost often.

Q: If it comes to the do, would you give your life for the Dark Lady?

Nathanos: I already had. I think that speaks for itself.

Q: In your own words, how would you describe yourself? Don't be coy

Nathanos: Dead. Dead tired. Surprisingly well looking for being dead. Good at my job. Repressing sarcasm and failing it, because it begins to boil over the metaphorical pot.

Q: Do you like Sylvanas? As in like-love not just as a friend or role model.

Nathanos: Yes. Nathanos: I still wouldn’t say I “luuurve” her. Nathanos: Lure, maybe.

Q: What do you think of the other Windrunners sisters Vereesa and Alleria? Have you had any contact with them?

Nathanos: I maintain the Quee- Warchief’s personal correspondence. So technically speaking, yes, although it’s not an official contact.

Q: Do your hounds have names?

Nathanos: More or less. All are called Fang.

Q: If Rhonin was still alive do you think you would form a club with Turalyon called "Surviving a Windrunner"

Nathanos: No. Because for the simple reason that I don’t qualify as surviving, you see?

Q: Is there anything that you miss about being alive?

Nathanos: It is going to sound odd... I miss the subconscious maintenance.  You all don’t have to focus on moving or breathing or anything. We dead? If we try to talk without air in our lungs, we don’t make a sound. I literally have to focus on expanding my chest, on flexing my arm... Have you any idea how many muscles you must use to talk? Or to do the simplest facial expressions?

Q: Do you like being Sylvanas-' lil bitch?

Nathanos: Oh yeah. You have no idea. And because I am not moving from this position any time soon, you aren’t going to have any idea for a long, long time.

Q: So, did you like the Desolate Council wanting to meet with their living family members or did you want to protect them from the pain of remembering life like the Dark Lady has?

Nathanos: You know... I didn’t really give a fuck and I am still not giving it. I consider the Warchief’s decision wise, but in my opinion the Council should have been informed of the risk and then let each memeber to either take or refuse it.

Q: Can you also scream like a banshee like sylvanas did?

Nathanos: I am a Dark Ranger, not a banshee... But let’s give ti a try. Nathanos: Erhm, erhm. Nathanos: AUUUAAAAAGHHHHHH! (Violent coughing.) Nathanos: It has been empirically proven that I cannot scream like a banshee, or at least not without extensive prior training. Nathanos: Could you hand me that lung? I think I coughed it out somewhere over there.

Q:  Personal thoughts on all the races in the Horde’s ranks?

Nathanos: Loud and big Orcs. Nicely violent but a bit too independently thinking Trolls. Slow and not causing problems Tauren who have the best weed. I have a personal antipathies with most of the Sin’dorei since being alive. Goblins are weirdos and inefficient in being so. The Pandaren are a bit unreliable. Shal’dorei are simply crazy but easily manipulatable wherever needed. The Zandalari are Trolls who are very proud. Mag’har are nice, desperate, and surprisingly having a lot of insights. The Highmountain Tauren have troubles coming thorough the doors and it’s really amusing.

[wowheadquarters]

Interview with Baine

Q: So Baine, ever since you changed your wardrobe into a headdress and totems on the back you look bigger. Have you been workin’ out?

Baine: Well, the totems aren’t exactly of feather weight. My new aesthetic is a workout on its own.

Q: Baine, are you going to rebel against the Banshee Queen? please tell me you have a master plan to betray her and kill her...please...pleasepleaseplease

Baine: I most definitely have no plans to overthrow Warchief Windrunner, and I am most certainly not saying that because she has espionage devices everywhere and I don’t want to let any words she wouldn’t like to hear to come to her squishy pointy ears.

Q: Baine, What are your thought on the whole "planet bleeding out Azerite" situation?

Baine: Back when we had the war against the Lich King, I thought the Death Knights were very emo. When the Illidari joined forces with us against the Burning Legion, I thought that their fellish blindness was the most emo I was going to encounter. And now this.

Q: And what are your thoughts on Azerite being fought over by the factions? Is there anything you may want to want to try in order to fix this?

Baine: Well, I anted to smack everyone’s head with a mallet, gently. But Thrall said it is “not diplomatic” and “lacking civilized mannerism.” So I suppose I let all the diplomatic people with civilized manners murder each other, and then apply metaphorical band aids to Azeroth once all of them die out.

Q: Baine, how can someone as tall as you support themselves upright whilst having no vertebral column? Is it a quirk of the Tauren?

Baine: Y’know, the fact that most Tauren lack your civilized education doesn’t mean we don’t realize when you are insulting us. You also probably don’t realize that my kind was on the verge of extinction when we joined the Horde and that situation hasn’t really improved over the time. In fact, just recently it go even worse. Baine: Pick and jab around my spinelessness all you want while I keep the Tauren alive. If you have any better idea, feel free to share it with me.

Q: Baine, you are a good friend of both Anduin and Aysa, do you consider yourself a friend of their partners (Wrathion and Ji)?

Baine: Ji and I are on good terms indeed. I haven’t the chance to really talk with Wrathion... and from what I’ve heard of him, I don’t really want to take the chance, would it be given to me.

Q: With this idiotic new Faction War going on, what is your new opinion of the Horde and its leaders? (Especially Sylvanas Windrunner)

Baine: Uhhhhhhhhhhhhh... Do I really have to comment on that? I don’t want to resolve to crude language or badmouthing, but I also don’t want to lie...

Q: But above all, how many peace pipes will you need to endure all this?

Baine: (Waves partially off the smokescreen.) I am not sharing, all three are for my personal use only. I am considering lighting a fourth one.

Q: Have any feelings towards Mayla Highmountain?

Baine: Deep respect for her skills. High hopes for mutual cooperation.

Q: In the light of new mood ideas, how would you feel if Varok Saurfang adopted you?

Baine: (Sheds a single manly tear) H O N O U R E D.

[wowheadquarters]

Interview with Lorna

Q: Lorna, what are your feelings towards being shipped with Tess Greymane?

Lorna: Well, as a person of my own being, I am kind of revolted by the idea that anyone thinks that my personal. Lorna: However, as a character who is here interpreted by of the people who ship us together, I think it is pretty dope. Lorna: Oh, and before that demon bursts in, I’d like to note that anyone can be 4th-wall aware if it serves at least a remotely comedic effect.

Q: What do you think of the ongoing renewed war between the Horde and the Alliance?

Lorna: On one hand I think that another war is the last thing we need right now. On the other hand, I have the mighty want to kick that Windrunner corpse in the balls she doesn’t have, so there is that. Lorna: I haven’t got a Horde problem, I have a Forsaken problem. But since the whole Horde is on this ride with them, I’m going to set their whole charriot ablaze, you get me?

Q: What was your relationship with Liam? And how did you react to the news of his death at the hands of Sylvanas?

Lorna: Oh, Liam and I were good friends. As much as out circumstances permitted it, with my father being in disgrace in prison and all that. Lorna: But we liked to hunt together. Sometimes we went on the top of the wall to look what is the world like beyond it. Lorna: His death... wounded me, of course. Not too deeply. But a lot. That stupid self-sacrificing brat, what was he even thinking!

Q: How do you think king Genn and king Anduin are running the war?

Lorna: With struggles. Lots and lots of struggles. Lorna: Look, I don’t like the phrase “to man up,” really, but Wrynn is a bit too kind for his own good. He needs to be a bit more pragmatical. Lorna: I’m not saying that’s something old King Wolf is going to teach him, but it’ll probably toughen him up a bit at least. IF it doesn’t kill him.

Q: Does the rose that you wear so often in your hair have any particular significance?

Lorna: Well, officially it is a sign of patriotism, because red rose it the national flower of Gilneas. Lorna: Unofficially I am too much of a kickass in armor and long hair is seen as trendy among young men nowadays... I might have been called “young man” one too many times to my liking. It was, ah, necessary to embrace my feminine side.

Q: So would you say you're keen to work with, say, Tess Greymane in the future? *pushes sunglasses up nose*

Lorna: She is my princess and she knows how to twist a blade. I’m ready to work with her and under her as she pleases.

Q: And how do you see yourself contributing in the future to the Alliance war effort?

Lorna: Oh, I’m mainly going to shoot stuff, order dogs around. If the opportunity arises, I’m going to kick crotches. Lorna: And maybe have a drink with Saurfang, the very first oppurtunity I am in Stormwind. Lorna: What? I mean, there is actually a bunch of people who wnat to do that. Throw a party with that ol’ Orc. I am just one of many on this wagon.

Lorna: Oh hey, that’s all? I... I don’t, I expected a bit more queries.