#interviewwithcorinnebygrave

[fuckyeahcorinnebygrave]

Interview with Corinne: Part Four, the Final Chapter

Me: Weren’t we meant to get married ages ago?

Corinne: You and I? Oh my God, really? I remember telling you and then I said to you that I promised Grace that I would marry her too. I remember saying that.

Me: I remember it was way back when me you and Courteney were talking about our three-way-wedding.

Corinne: That always made me so uncomfortable. Because I just wanted both of you for myself. I didn’t want to share. The sharing between you guys was…

Me: But you told me that nothing makes you uncomfortable.

Corinne: No, it didn’t! Uncomfortable’s not the right word then. Jealous.

Me: Jealous? That’s understandable. Would you have to share? I don’t think you’d have to share me, Corinne.

Corinne: Okay, great.

Me: Going off topic here, let’s keep this as PC as possible.

Corinne: You just asked me my perfect murder! PC though, for the CHILDREN!

Me: If you were any character in any book or movie, who would you be and why?

Corinne: Ooh I like this question. My favourite movie is Deja Vu with Denzel Washington? I’d probably want to be him in that movie, just so that I could finally understand how it all makes sense. Because I love that film so much and I’ve seen it about 20 times.

Me: That’s kinda cool actually. I was expecting something more like “because I’m most like this character”, so that response is quite intriguing.

Corinne: Can I have a second answer to the last question?

Me: Sure.

Corinne: I’d be Jesus in the Bible. To see how much of it was true.

Me: I’d be Judas.

Corinne: Oh, I want to be Judas now too! Ahhh.

Me: Okay, you can only be one. Jesus or Judas.

Corinne: Nah, I’d be Jesus because he did all the tricks.

Me: Isn’t there a movie with Tim Minchin in it?

Corinne: A movie? You mean Jesus Christ Superstar? He’s in a TV series called Californiacation.

Me: He seems topless in that a lot.

Corinne: He is not just topless but NUDE a lot. His butt has made so many appearances.

Me: Wouldn’t you want to be the female character in that show?

Corinne: I don’t know. At first he’s not a very good guy, but then later in the seasons… I mean he is married in it but he has sex with a lot of other girls.

Me: Oh I see, maybe not then.

Corinne: I think maybe if I was someone in Californiacation it would be the daughter of Hank, who’s the main guy, because she gets to see all of the cool things going on. And she gets to hang out in one episode with Marilyn Manson. And her dad just LEAVESher with him, and he’s just “don’t worry, I’ll look after her!” And then Marilyn and Tim just do drugs in the corner while she’s all “hi!”.

Me: Okay, time for the serious question. Are you ready?

Corinne: Oh my God, am I gonna have to think about this for days? You’re so serious.

Me: Corinne. Will you please read my mind?

Corinne: Aaaahhhh okay. What if this takes like half an hour?

Me: Should I focus on one phrase? Alright go.

Corinne: Have you got one? This is going to be so embarrassing if you have this recorded and I can’t do it. Just repeat the sentence to yourself over and over again.

*After about 5 minutes Corinne writes the phrase “You are beautiful” on a piece of paper*

Corinne: I can’t believe you Chess. This better be right or it makes me seem like a total dick.

Me: YES! You’re so fabulous!

Corinne: You’re so sweet, thank you. I’m sorry that took way too long. I’ve never had one that was about me so with the word “You” I was just like “Corinne?”

Me: But it was awesome and you got it right! Thank you so much for being here with us today, Corinne! And thank you for all of your fans as well.

Corinne: Oh my God, I love them all. They need a name. What should we call them? You can name them. Unless they’ve named themselves. The masses of them.

Courteney (who has suddenly re-emerged from nowhere): Corinthians?

Me: That’s what I was thinking but isn’t that actually the name of the thing in the bible?

Corinne: I’m not very religious orientated.

Courteney: But if you take the religious connotations away from it…

Corinne: As Wittgenstein would say, if two people have agreed that “Corinthians” means “Corinne’s followers” then they can have a meaningful conversation about “Corinthians”.

Me: So Corinne has decided that her followers are now called Corinthians.

Corinne: Oh my God I’m going to tweet that all the time now. “My dear Corinthians.”

Me: But thank you so much for taking the time for this interview.

Corinne: Thank you. You’re so cool.

[fuckyeahcorinnebygrave]

Interview with Corinne: Part Three

Me: Anyway, this is an oppurtunity for you to vent some rage. If you could kill your sworn enemy, how would you do it? Because Tumblr needs fresh ideas.

Corinne: Uhm, I don't have a sworn enemy. I mean, I know you probably think I do, but... There are people I dislike, and I'm always like “Whyyy do you need to be that way?”

Me: I mean I know you're not a very aggressive person.

Corinne: I do TRY not to be.

Me: But, if you were to kill somebody, how would you go about it?

Corinne: Well. My dear friend Rose, did tell me the “perfect murder”, so I'm gonna say hers. Credit to her, but this is what I would class as my murder. Okay so it has to be winter, or you go somewhere really cold, and you stab someone with an icicle, because then the evidence melts. Then you put the body in with some pigs, because they'll eat all of it and digest it and there'll be no trace of the person left. How awful does that sound?!

Me: Corinne, we're talking about a murder here. I don't think there's any way for it to sound okay.

Corinne: Well that's what I would do.

Me: But see you don't get very much vengeance in there, do you?

Corinne: No but I'd know that I could never be persecuted for it, and that would be enough for me. Like “yes I got away with that, so, suck it.” It wouldn't be too violent or bloody, because then I'd have to clean it...

Me: Yeah, you wouldn't want to get blood on your clothes. Speaking of, actually... Your fans want to know, Corinne; who are you wearing right now?

Corinne: *Strange squeaking sound* What does that tag say? Sapphire? There.

Me: I'm not gonna to lie, I was hoping you'd make some comment about a particular person's skin, but...

Corinne: OH MY LORD. Well I'm not wearing anyone's skin, but you do know that my glow is from the virgins' bood.

Me: Any particular virgins? Or just some randomers that you found on the street?

Corinne: No, I do try to screen them. I do have them tested.

Me: Now that I think about it, what characteristics do you look for in your virgins?

Corinne: To harvest blood from? Those virgins? Healthy. I tend to go for a similar blood type to mine so that my body doesn't ATTACK. Because that just wouldn't work. Good health, good sight.

Me: Oh, I'm safe then.

Corinne: No I won't take yours.

Me: Not my blood, anyway.

Corinne: The rest of you is in danger. SEVERE danger.

Me: Right, another theoretical situation; let's say you win one million pounds. What do you do with it?

Corinne: Ooh. A million is not nearly enough for my big dream.

Me: What is your big dream?

Corinne: Probably to buy Neverland and have it – you know how Graceland is? Like Elvis' home, open for people to go and visit? I really want to do that with Neverland because it's just shut and that's really sad. So that would be my big dream. But I don't think I could do that with a million. But with a million, I'd make sure to invest some of it so that I could have an ongoing thing. I 'd never want to work. And I'd definitely treat my friends, because, why not? I'd hope if any of you guys got into money you'd treat me.

Me: So you'd put some of it away, but are there any things you would immediately buy?

Corinne: Well I'd buy a nice, big house. But even thinking about it now I might even buy the house that we used to have in Callington because I loved that house. I didn't really grow up there but I lived there from when I was about five to when I was fifteen or sixteen. I'd maybe try and buy that house back. And oh my God, buy an orange rex rabbit because my heart. I have a blue rex, that's what Buster is, and they're bred for their fur and are the softest thing. But they – it sounds awful to say but they come in different colours? Like they're some kind of coat. But yeah they come in orange as well. I'd get one of those because my mum says I can't have one because I have Buster. I'd try and rescue a lot of animals, because then I'd feel like I'd done something good rather than just spent a lot of money.

Me: We're running out of questions now. If you could live anywhere in the world – I mean you've just said you would buy your old house but – if you could live in any country, where would you live?

Corinne: I'd probably like to travel. I wouldn't want to stay in one place. I know that kind of defeats your question but yeah; I'd want to see all of the technology in Tokyo, and like, the robots there. This is gonna make me sound like 3-years-old! But they are so cool!

Me: So how long would you stay in each place? Would you stay long enough to rent somewhere or just stay in a hotel or?

Corinne: Like a year? I'd go to Paris to see if it's that romantic.

Me: Would you go to Paris on your own or with somebody else?

Corinne: I think I'd have to experience it on my own, and then come back with somebody else. If there was anyone else.

Me: You have me.

Corinne: Okay. That's done then. When's the wedding?

[fuckyeahcorinnebygrave]

Interview with Corinne: Part Two

Me: Okay so Corinne, we know you have many talents – some of which are documented on the blog. So I was wondering if you could, right now...

Corinne: Oh my goodness.

Me: Improvise a poem for us.

Corinne: Improvise a poem?! You are mean! It was an accidental rhyme and I should not have told you that I am a poet... Well I'm pretty sure this is original, so I just made this up on the spot. This is particularly for you.

Me: Okay.

Corinne: Chess, “Shall I compare thee to a summer's day? Thou art more lovely and more temperate.” There you go, you're welcome.

Me: Oh my God, Corinne! That was beautiful! You're so talented! I may have to put that on the blog. But now we have some situations for you to be in.

Corinne: Oh no. I love these.

Me: So, if you were stranded on an island – it's a pretty stereotypical question – what one thing or person would you want with you? Transport isn't allowed.

Corinne: Transport isn't allowed by me or by anyone?

Me: You can't have anything to get around. There's no way you would ever be able to get off the island. You're stuck on this island for the rest of your life, so what one thing or person would you want with you?

Corinne: That is a good question. Can I have a thing and a person?

Me: You can't have both, but you can give us two seperate scenarios.

Corinne: In one situation, I would definitely have my phone and WiFi? Because then I could still contact all of you beautiful people. So even though I couldn't get off the island, I'd be okay as long as I could still talk to you guys and send you selfies of me... BURNING. And in the other situation, the alternate reality... I would like a person, because it would be human contact. But...

Me: You might eat them.

Corinne: Yeah! I might EAT them... I don't know who I would pick, because it would only be one person and I'd get sick of them. So maybe I would just want my phone.

Me: That sounds fair enough!

Corinne: It sounds INSANE!

Me: It's a very “Tumblr” response, I think. Okay, so if you were to live with someone, so you could still get out of the house, who would you live with. One person. Who do you think you could most tolerate?

Corinne: Who could I most tolerate? I'd be more scared of them tolerating me. Because if they wanted to talk I'd be like “just leave me alone. I want to play with my cats.” Wait, would my cats be able to live with me?

Me: Maybe not all four of them. Two of them.

Corinne: Oh my God, don't do that to me. I won't be able to choose. Is it awful just to say Derren? He would fascinate me for so long. And if we ever did get bored – not that I would – we could just learn new tricks.

Me: Would you not get sick of the gay sex next door?

Corinne: No. No I would not... I mean I'm sure he'd be private about that.

Me: Well, leading on from that – I can see where you might go with this – is there a special someone in your life?

Corinne: I am FINDING MYSELF, and putting myself out there.

Me: So the special someone is you?

Corinne: Yeah, the special someone is me... No, I have lots of pretend relationships in my head. Even sometimes if you pass a stranger on the street you're just like “Oh, they're attractive, AND THEY LOVE ME.” My heart is always open for love. If any of the fans out there want to know – I would date a fan.

Me: What song do you have stuck in your head right now?

Corinne: It's called “This is How We Do” by Katy Perry, because that's what I was listening to this morning.

Me: You're a big fan of Katy Perry aren't you? What's you're favourite song of hers?

Corinne: It changes. I'm kind of tied between “Birthday” and “International Smile”.

Me: If you could meet Katy Perry right now, what would you say to her?

Corinne: Just that she's pretty cool. And I'd hope that she'd like me, because how soul-shattering would that be?

Me: Do you reckon you'd be able to actually get words out? Do you see yourself as that kind of person?

Corinne: I wouldn't try to be different just so that she'd remember me, I'd just be like “I admire you. You're pretty cool. Can you sign some things for me?” I would be a little bit quiet.

Me: So your favourite TV show right now is Family Guy. Well, kind of split between Family Guy and anything Derren Brown does. But what was your favourite TV show as a kid?

Corinne: As a kid? I used to watch The Simpsons a lot, until my mum and dad banned me from it because I used to say “crap” a lot and they were just “IT'S THE SIMPSONS.” I liked the Teletubbies, or if we're talking really young, Winnie the Pooh.

Me: In the Night Garden still terrifies me.

Corinne: HM, NO. UH-UH, NOOOO, NOPE.

[fuckyeahcorinnebygrave]

Interview with Corinne: Part One

Me: Corinne, it's an honour to have you here with us today – I'm so glad you're taking time out of your busy schedule for this interview. So I'm going to get right into it, and ask if you could start off by telling us about the discovery of your magical abilities?

Corinne: Well I guess you could say, when I was about 7 my mum and dad got me a video tape – like, proper VHS shit, we're talking – and it was Stephen Mulhern, because he started in magic, and it was little tricks and it came with this little box, and like cups and a ball and string – string that you would cut and then pull apart and it would still be together. And on the tape he would explain how to do all kinds of tricks. I never really did anything with cards then, it was all just props... Oh my god I remember one very vivid experience. I got my whole family to go into the front room – so this was like, 8-year-old me – like “guys, I have this amazing trick,” and I had this giant cardboard box and one of my guinea pigs. I put the guinea pig into the box and I was all like “aha, guinea pig's in the box; you all see that right?” and then I lifted up the box to show everyone and the guinea pig WASN'T IN THERE. You had to have two boxes and a gap to slip the guinea pig under. Maybe it was a bit animal... “unsafe”? And then I didn't really do anything with it for about 10 years. And now I'm just like “ooh cards, magic, ahaa”. I definitely started out with props and now I'm more of a mind-mental person.

Me: So what's your favourite trick?

Corinne: Ooh, it depends on the audience most definitely. If it's with my friends, just card tricks because they're easy and maybe a... mind-reading trick. But then if I'm showing someone new, maybe the prediction trick?

Me: It freaked me the fuck out the first time you did that. The first thing you did with me was the queen one, and that freaked me the fuck out. But that's because I was so confident that you weren't going to get it and then you did and I was like... “Wait, what?” And then you got it 3 or 4 times in a row. And then you moved onto like, 49 cards and was a beautiful time.

Corinne: That was intense, yeah!

Me: So, other than magic, what else do you enjoy doing in your free time?

Corinne: I don't have much free time, because I have a lot of pets. Well not a lot, I don't have that many.

Me: No, it's not like we counted them.

Corinne: No, I don't have any. How many?

Me: Well last time it was 27.

Corinne: Yeah, that's too many. But if I'm not hanging out with beautiful people or, you know, performing, I just... exotic dance.

Me: I can see that's what's going to make you famous, Corinne. Card tricks will just be a little thing on the side.

Corinne: No, I guess I just learn new tricks. If I have spare time and I know I don't have any work to do, and I'm not procrastinating, I just learn a new trick and that's what I spend a lot of my time doing.

Me: And of course you browse a certain blog...

Corinne: Yes. The best blog in the world, I have to be real.

Me: But speaking of pets, I have a couple of questions. First, if you could have any animal as a pet, what would it be?

Corinne: A FALCON.

Me: I knew you would say it!

Corinne: As soon as you said it I was like “okay, do I go serious or do I go falcon? Falcon!”

Me: Another question, getting serious now – how many cats is too many cats?

Corinne: Well when I read Derren's book, he says he enjoys meeting his fans after a show, or if he's doing a signing somewhere. And he says there are two types of fans that he has; half are ones that he'd happily invite back to his flat and just talk and get to know each other, and the other half has three or more cats. So unfortunately I fall into that category, and I'd say, although I have four, three is enough.

Me: But wouldn't you say two? Because he said three or more. So if you wanted to be invited back to Derren's flat you'd only want two.

Corinne: Well I had two for 10 years, and it was nice. But then I went through this super weird phase where I just NEEDED kittens. And I would genuinely cry a lot about it and I'd say to my mum “you don't understand, it's like a need.” You know like some people, when they're older, NEED children, or NEED a family? I really had that but it was cats. And my mum would always so no, for about a year, but one day my dad came home and just said “For God's sake, just let her get a kitten.”

Me: And then you got two.

Corinne: Yeah. I spent the whole day online looking for a kitten. I didn't want a black and white one because I felt that was just too “standard” of a cat? And I didn't want a golden one – which you might call ginger but I call golden – because my other cat is called Ginger, and I thought that might confuse it. And then I ended up getting a black and white and a golden one. I mean we went there originally to get Sawyer, and then Milo was the last one left. We thought especially as Sawyer was growing up he'd need a cat to play with that was his age.