Interview with Corinne: Part Four, the Final Chapter
Me: Weren’t we meant to get married ages ago?
Corinne: You and I? Oh my God, really? I remember telling you and then I said to you that I promised Grace that I would marry her too. I remember saying that.
Me: I remember it was way back when me you and Courteney were talking about our three-way-wedding.
Corinne: That always made me so uncomfortable. Because I just wanted both of you for myself. I didn’t want to share. The sharing between you guys was…
Me: But you told me that nothing makes you uncomfortable.
Corinne: No, it didn’t! Uncomfortable’s not the right word then. Jealous.
Me: Jealous? That’s understandable. Would you have to share? I don’t think you’d have to share me, Corinne.
Me: Going off topic here, let’s keep this as PC as possible.
Corinne: You just asked me my perfect murder! PC though, for the CHILDREN!
Me: If you were any character in any book or movie, who would you be and why?
Corinne: Ooh I like this question. My favourite movie is Deja Vu with Denzel Washington? I’d probably want to be him in that movie, just so that I could finally understand how it all makes sense. Because I love that film so much and I’ve seen it about 20 times.
Me: That’s kinda cool actually. I was expecting something more like “because I’m most like this character”, so that response is quite intriguing.
Corinne: Can I have a second answer to the last question?
Corinne: I’d be Jesus in the Bible. To see how much of it was true.
Corinne: Oh, I want to be Judas now too! Ahhh.
Me: Okay, you can only be one. Jesus or Judas.
Corinne: Nah, I’d be Jesus because he did all the tricks.
Me: Isn’t there a movie with Tim Minchin in it?
Corinne: A movie? You mean Jesus Christ Superstar? He’s in a TV series called Californiacation.
Me: He seems topless in that a lot.
Corinne: He is not just topless but NUDE a lot. His butt has made so many appearances.
Me: Wouldn’t you want to be the female character in that show?
Corinne: I don’t know. At first he’s not a very good guy, but then later in the seasons… I mean he is married in it but he has sex with a lot of other girls.
Me: Oh I see, maybe not then.
Corinne: I think maybe if I was someone in Californiacation it would be the daughter of Hank, who’s the main guy, because she gets to see all of the cool things going on. And she gets to hang out in one episode with Marilyn Manson. And her dad just LEAVESher with him, and he’s just “don’t worry, I’ll look after her!” And then Marilyn and Tim just do drugs in the corner while she’s all “hi!”.
Me: Okay, time for the serious question. Are you ready?
Corinne: Oh my God, am I gonna have to think about this for days? You’re so serious.
Me: Corinne. Will you please read my mind?
Corinne: Aaaahhhh okay. What if this takes like half an hour?
Me: Should I focus on one phrase? Alright go.
Corinne: Have you got one? This is going to be so embarrassing if you have this recorded and I can’t do it. Just repeat the sentence to yourself over and over again.
*After about 5 minutes Corinne writes the phrase “You are beautiful” on a piece of paper*
Corinne: I can’t believe you Chess. This better be right or it makes me seem like a total dick.
Me: YES! You’re so fabulous!
Corinne: You’re so sweet, thank you. I’m sorry that took way too long. I’ve never had one that was about me so with the word “You” I was just like “Corinne?”
Me: But it was awesome and you got it right! Thank you so much for being here with us today, Corinne! And thank you for all of your fans as well.
Corinne: Oh my God, I love them all. They need a name. What should we call them? You can name them. Unless they’ve named themselves. The masses of them.
Courteney (who has suddenly re-emerged from nowhere): Corinthians?
Me: That’s what I was thinking but isn’t that actually the name of the thing in the bible?
Corinne: I’m not very religious orientated.
Courteney: But if you take the religious connotations away from it…
Corinne: As Wittgenstein would say, if two people have agreed that “Corinthians” means “Corinne’s followers” then they can have a meaningful conversation about “Corinthians”.
Me: So Corinne has decided that her followers are now called Corinthians.
Corinne: Oh my God I’m going to tweet that all the time now. “My dear Corinthians.”
Me: But thank you so much for taking the time for this interview.
Corinne: Thank you. You’re so cool.
