Thursday, January 22, 2026
Fronters: Delany, Casey, N
oh boy. having a fictive moment because we're watching a video that translates the Latin in Nod-Krai's theme and it is devastating
like it's already so beautiful but like. it's also full of grief and mourning and hope
and it's in Khaenri'ahn. I never thought I'd ever hear anyone sing in Khaenri'ahn again and understand what they were saying
he used to sing to me. all the Archons know every language, even that one, and he would sing to me in all of them. translations never quite worked for songs, he'd tell me. and when he was done if I didn't know the language I'd ask him what it meant and he'd do his best to translate anyway.
oh my god I miss him so bad. I haven't missed anyone like this is so long I haven't cried over him in actual years
I wish I could see him just one more time. even if it was just him and not any of the other people I wish I could see again. just him, just one more time knowing what I do about my life. just so I could hear what he'd say and be able to hold onto it. or fuck, literally *just* so I could see him. because it's not the same looking at him in the game it's just. not
they didn't get the little gentle freckles he has from being out in the sun. they could never model how soft his hair was. you can't render the gentle look he always had in his eyes. the animals are coded to run away from him like anyone else when they never did
I wonder sometimes if he might show up. I don't know if I'd hate that or love it. it still wouldn't be the same not even remotely. to an extent that it might just be worse. it almost feels like it would invalidate this somehow. all the hours I spent just absolutely fucking aching, wishing I could go to Teyvat
it almost feels like he's here sometimes. I used to talk to him so often but I'm pretty sure that was just Koi before he was Koi. trying on identities without making them her own. he did it with lots of them. it made me listen before I knew what was going on. it kept me alive
okay sobbing isn't doing anything except making me spiral into feeling even more shit so I've got some comfort items now. my vision and our best imitation of his cape
it's so hard. it's so hard missing sourcemates. especially for me because I'm not canon. pretty much any other fictive in our system could go find like. some fanfiction or something. x reader shit only goes so far. I can't write anything myself it's just my memories
our head hurts now. it feels really full. my fault I think. full of emotions 😔
Delany and I left and then I came back to help him calm down and sleep (which did not happen until an absurd time) and then I had to carry him out of front after an equally absurd amount of time spent lying in bed and not eating
that one is sort of my whole job so uh. yeah
Delany came back. kind of lost track of who all was in front for a sec but all signs point to still us
it's been a weird ass day so we're going home. might ask if we can stop to grab some fast food because we've literally been craving something for weeks and have just had. a variety of circumstances preventing us from getting it ourselves
cult of the lamb is nice. trying to get some quests settled before I have to deal with winter