#introvertedbionerd

[introvertedbionerd]

I don’t really care for Valentines day.... What I celebrate with great vigor is

50% off Chocolate day  Celebrate with me 

[introvertedbionerd]

He silently reads the news on his phone while munching on a homemade scone. I'm curled up right next to him... reading my book of the week, with a cup of hot coffee. Mornings are silent... not because it's too early for words... not because we had a fight... but because there's peace.... Morning Silence is Golden.

He lures me outside... with the promise of free coffee. He leaves me good books on the nightstand... with little post-its saying enjoy. He lets me make my food even if he wants something else... because he understands...... He gifts me with pens and notebooks... because flowers and chocolate is overrated.

We sit for hours at a time... Drinking wine, coffee, tea..... Just talking about politics, history, medicine, and the meaning of life. And I realize that the best form of love... Isn't about the first kiss...the fancy dinners....the sex. It isn't a filling of a missing piece in my heart

but is the pure acceptance... holes and cracks and bruises....

[introvertedbionerd]

When you try really hard...but you don't succeed....

[introvertedbionerd]

That one person in the study group who only shows up to get the notes......

[introvertedbionerd]

When someone wants my notes..

[introvertedbionerd]

Can we please discuss how hard it is to let people in?  As someone who thinks way too much and way too fast.... I find myself shutting people down before they even have a chance to understand me. I automatically assume that people can't handle me. Maybe it's because up till now no one was able to handle me.... I have so much crazy....

SOOOOOOO MUCH CRAZY.....

Just for starters.... I can't STAND dinner dates.....I HATE IT....I hate the whole small talk over food and drinks and then you walk me home or something....mostly I hate dinner dates because I'm still recovering from all my eating nonsense...and going out to a restaurant where I'm not sure what's in my food...scares the living daylight out of me. And on top of that if that someone else picks the restaurant I'm not sure what they'll serve...and I HATE to be THAT girl who gets a salad at a steak house................

I hate the cold....SO MUCH. If I'm already home, on my bed.....I don't care who you are and what you mean to me....I'm pretty much set on the rest of my night...on that bed. 

I don't do cuddling.....my ideal IDEAL perfect date.....is sitting side by side...on a comfy couch, or a cafe....me sipping my coffee reading a good...and you drinking whatever and reading too.....hand holding is allowed. 

I have POLAR OPPOSITE personality.....I'm either 100% in or 0%. There is no in-between. If i hate it...I hate it....If i love it...I love it. I love either dressing up head to toe with heels and jewelry and such......or in a big tshirt and no pants my bangs pinned up. That's just one example....but I'm literally one side or another with everything......

I'm stubborn as HELL. If I made up my mind.....there is almost NO CHANGING IT. IT WILL HAPPEN. 

I hate warm fruit, fruit and cheese, fruit and chocolate, chocolate and caramel....anything caramel, I don't believe in tea....except Jasmine green tea...and that's only when I feel too jittery from coffee......I WANT to be spontaneous but I hate things unplanned....I'm horrible with relationship milestones.....I hate valentines day it's a commercialized time to buy someone overpriced chocolate.....I hate getting flowers because they die too fast....I love to bake but hate to eat it.....I really really have no patience with kids and I'm pretty adamant about not having any..... I REALLY like being by myself....or staying in silence.....but sometimes all I do is talk....and that usually means I'm nervous as heck... I come off cold and distant.....but it doesn't mean I don't crave affection.... I come off strong but I'm so weak....

I'm the craziest bitch you'll ever meet. How do you explain all this to a person. How do you let them know what they're getting themselves into...... because I don't want a spiral downhill again..... I don't want to let someone in and then they see all this and just leave.

Why can't there be a way to tell someone upfront what my situation is? Maybe it's just that I'm destined to be alone forever....

[introvertedbionerd]

How do I tell you I'm messed up without actually saying those words. How do I tell you it's REALLY not you its me without sounding like a bitch. How do I tell you I really like you but if you get to know me now...you won't. How do I tell you I'm not this smiling put together girl in front of you.... How do I tell you yes but no..... How do I tell you someday....oneday but not today...

[introvertedbionerd]

When you break the curve...