it was stupid, or well she thought it was stupid. he asked her to kiss her. reason? for her to be his first kiss. stupid! she laughed, rubbing the back of her neck. she couldn’t tell if he was being serious or not. he looked at her with a stern face (he was.) and all she could do was laugh. “really? y’never kissed anyone? no girl, no guy?” “no. that’s why i want it to be with you.”
stupid kiss or not, she still gave it to him. it was a sweet moment, a few seconds of their lips pressed up against each other’s. this happened last summer, with the flies buzzing around them and the sun causing them to sweat through their shirts. how romantic. he smiles and so does she, it was the summer when she was seventeen. it was short, sweet, but always remembered.
this time she asked. she got on her tip toes and pressed her lips against his, in the rain, with open-toed sandals that got mud all over it as it poured. there was no hesitation on either side of any party. they moved their lips this time, in sync, parting them for their tongues to collide. her cheeks swelled up with the familiar red tint she’d have whenever she was with him, pulling away. the same color appeared on his cheeks and they just stood there in silence, now picking her up and taking them both out of the rain for some shelter. they spent the night under the roof of a convenience store that was open until three am, their palms now full with ramen and banana milk. a weird mix, but they grew accustomed to it. this was comfortable. this was what was ideal.
shut up! their first argument where hyejung had been pulling her hair out of her scalp (or so it felt like it.) and where jungkook drew his fist into the wall, creating an unnecessary hole. he pulls on his brother’s jacket (cigarettes still left in the right pocket.) turning his heel as she did the same. they walk past each other, grumbling and cussing each other only in a language few knew. tough love, they called it. gathering her things, she’s about to leave but he pulls her in for a quick kiss. her eyebrows aren’t furrowed anymore, the tension in her shoulders is released and she couldn’t help but kiss him back. she ends up pinning him down on the couch, using a blanket to throw over themselves as they drowned in each other’s bliss.
i’ll be back. she believed him, she was still worried. people were like that. they’d say that they’d leave for a bit before coming back but never came back. there was this panging in her chest, her heart gravitating towards him as he left her house. she told herself not to chase after him– trust him. he was one of the few people she had learned how to trust. it was difficult. it only lasted for five, maybe six days? her constant texts had died down to texts she would send once in a while. they met up at a floral shop, he had pulled out a bouquet that didn’t even fit with each other (that was just him.) she laughs at the simplicity, grateful for the thought of her just running around in his mind. a short kiss pressed against his lips as he mumbles i told you so. a soft shut up. comes from hyejung before their fingers intertwine and make their way to hyejung’s home.
she told herself that she was over him. he was gone, they did it on mutual terms. it was okay for her to let go– right? it was definitely okay before he showed up on her door. the first few visits were unbearable but now they were becoming more constant. she’d see him on the corner or bump into him while buying fish cakes on the street. she’d pass by him on the train, they’re both on opposite sides but he’s looking up at her and she at him. her attention focuses on the person next to him, but it wasn’t enough. it’s focused back at him and then at the pretty scenery behind him. she gets off, he gets off, she walks, he walks next to her as if it was normal. as if they never broke up. as if they were still together. “jus’ go away.” you’re breakin’ my heart but mendin’ it at the same time. he’s still got the same gaze he had for me months ago– though his skin now stained with new tattoos and piercings (and his brain probably tatted with new experiences, new knowledge.) there was a familiar and foreign feeling of being with him. he drops her home, they stand in front of her door as she checks their height difference again. of course, he’s still taller.. a sigh slips out as his fingers slip into the spaces in between her own. they still fit the same. she gives it a squeeze.
he’s leaning closer and it feels so wrong but why is it so wrong if they’ve dated?
it feels wrong because they’re not together anymore but god she missed him and she leaned forward to close the space in between them.
and it sucked but it was the best feeling in the god damn world. the way his hand cupped her cheek in such a gentle manner, her arm wrapping around his waist to pull him closer. silent i missed yous were exchanged as she deepens the kiss, a tear slipping down her cheek. it wasn’t of happiness nor sadness, it was ineffable. but they continue to kiss before she pulls away, her thumb stroking the back of his hand before slowly letting go.
