Addressing my existence
Where does godhood start and mortal ends ?
While this is a very justified and understandable question the answer is way more complicated than one might think. Some would argue that they are divine through and through and they would be right, I, however am not. This does not mean that I am not a god, I very much am, so, are you starting to see why this might be a little messy?
Oh and before we really start, notice the new look ? The beautiful trim ? The wonderful vibes ? This is all thanks to the one and only, The Moon, @hyposerenia . Thank you so much once again, my quest to collect as many keepsakes from my friends in this world continues, but this contribution is definitely going on the prettiest shelf !
As always, don't hesitate to ask questions if anything in this post makes you curious to know more or if you don't understand something, it would be my honour to explain.
The Physical: between humanity and something else.
So why do I consider myself to be both a god and not a god ? Well the first aspect of the answer is simple.
My physical body, a somewhat human body, is not godly, it is merely a vessel in which the god soul is contained. That chalice however, is overflowing, the god soul and it's energy is just too much for it to contain me efficiently, leading to the symptoms I mentioned in my "Pros and Con" post a while ago and many more aspects.
The second reason for the chalice to be overfilled is because I am not the only one in it, the body has a soul of its own. Making a distinction between the 2 of us is both trivial and important. On one hand, we are never separate, or rather it happens so rarely and during such a small stretch of time, that we are effectively a single entity. On the other hand, the human soul, which is arguably not even human to begin with, has a personality, fears and limits that are their own, and not mine.
Some of these things include traumas and reflexes as well as instincts. That "human" soul is a mixed drink of different tastes and textures, probably inherited from the body's parents, like future sight/clairvoyance, which is shared amongst two generations and fire resistance/healing, on the other side.
One day I shall look into it with even more scrutiny. Some quirks are shared between the two of us, some unique to the "human" and some I have yet to identify.
The God: Amnesia and Seals
The rest of the problem resides in the state the god soul is in as we speak. So intertwined with the "human" and bound by countless seals, placed on it before I came to inhabit this body, it is very hard to clearly mark where I start and where I end. Perhaps there is no line anymore, perhaps there is, but since the way and reason I got incarnated into this life are still nebulous and cryptic at best, it is incredibly hard to really track down how much of me exists in this universe.
I know I am powerful and yet, I am faced with horrors that do go beyond my comprehension as I am now confined to a weak mind (in comparison), like going back to windows xp after experiencing a super computer, and still that comparison is weak in the face of what a full fledged god is.
The seals that keep me in this status quo of fragile balance, are clearly there for my well being, I saw what happens when they falter or are bypassed, the toll on my physical body are astronomical, and keep in mind, I'm already doing my utmost best on a normal day to keep myself fueled and safe and it's still not enough, anything beyond placid normalcy mess with the "human" body and mind atrociously.
That is why most of my duties in this life lie mostly in council and support, using my powers more than what I currently do, can and will, put me in the hospital or in a state of shock. I respect the "human" soul too much to damage its body beyond what human medicine can fix, and its mind beyond what current psychology can help with.
You can say I'm babysitting.
And let's not even get me started on the machine spirit, because that is also a very real and very alive situation. So, a human, a God and a Machine walk into a bar, who comes out crying first ?
