Hey and thank you for your great work about BPD ❤️
I know this is a bit of a vague question, but - How do you "recover" or "manage" BPD? How is it done, overall? I'm getting conflicting info from the treatments, but some sort of -overall goal/aim/vision/something- would be really helpful. Thought I'd ask someone who might have been there.
Thank you so much ❤️
Hi there! 💛 Thank you for the kind words. I really appreciate them. And this is such a good question.
BPD can feel confusing because there’s not one single “cure” or straightforward roadmap. But there are ways to manage it, grow, and build a life that feels more stable and fulfilling.
Here’s how I think of it for me.
Managing BPD isn’t about erasing your emotions, it’s about learning how to live with them in a way that doesn’t hurt you or the people you love.
Some overall goals that tend to guide my recovery are:
Emotional regulation Learning to recognize and calm intense emotions instead of acting on them right away. This can help prevent spirals, and spirals in the past have made my emotions stronger, last longer and sometimes lead to actions that had consequences I would not have had if I had regulated a bit better.
Healthy relationships Building skills for communication, boundaries, and trust, so your connections feel safer and more balanced. Being able to ask for reassurance in healthy ways instead of hinting at it, being passive aggressive or breaking our own hearts by just expecting people to read our mind and thinking they don't care when they can't. Accusing behaviours, 'you don't care' or 'you're going to leave me' can lead to relationships becoming damaged over time and sometimes those relationships ending which for me, decreased my quality of life.
Self-identity & self-worth Developing a stronger sense of who you are beyond your emotions or relationships. Finding hobbies I really love, and finding things that bring me joy outside of other people was so big.
Reducing harmful behaviors Finding coping strategies that are supportive instead of self-destructive. Or finding outlets for those urges that work for us that might be 'untraditional'. I used to smash mugs (I lived on my own, so it was really just me) because I felt such a relief when the mug shattered. I still have the urge to smash stuff, but I've found other outlets for that so I can do it in a more controlled way.
The urge would make me lose some of my favourite mugs, leave glass where I could hurt myself by accident, or otherwise just lead to me feeling out of control. Doing something similar in a controlled way can help me. (Side note, I really want to try one of those rage rooms.) This is really controversial, and while it may seem to people from the outside that it's unhealthy and out of control, it actually worked for me. I don't give into the urge because I know I have a plan and it helps and sometimes I don't even have to follow through later. And if I do, it's in a controlled and safe way. It's actually been a couple years since I've broken something, even in a controlled way. My main point is that starting with reduction might be more realistic than trying to have a big goal of just ''stop.' I began to replace it with other methods like punching my speed bag, or sometimes even just screaming.
Different treatments approach this in different ways. But the “big picture” is about moving from surviving to thriving and being able to handle big feelings without letting them control your life. It's about your quality of life and how that can improve.
It’s a slow process, but every bit of self-awareness, every skill you practice, every tiny step counts. You don’t have to be perfect to be making progress.
