every now and then i get so nostalgic for this VERY OLD and VERY LONG oc-insert tales of symphonia fan fic that the author removed and entirely disavowed... i search for it in the vain hope someone downloaded it and reuploaded it, and i can never find it. sigh.
i consider sending the author a message about it, but also, they've made it very clear they don't want to ever hear about the fic again and i want to respect that.
still. i would stay up way past bedtime to read the updates. the chapters were absolute behemoths, we're talking 10k at least, so i could never finish before i fell asleep. so i would print out the chapters to read at school. i left a review every chapter, i messaged friends to talk about all the insane shit that happened every update (one of those friends is now my wife!) it was so much fun. it was a formative experience for me, one that inspired me to write fanfiction, too.
sometimes i wonder how i would react, if i were in that author's shoes - if a fic i absolutely loathed was the only thing people wanted to talk to me about. i'd probably get fed up with it, too. but also... i just wanna relive the childish joy i'd feel with every update. i would never expect them to update it again or finish it again - as a fic writer myself, i understand that when a wip is abandoned, it's abandoned. i just miss that particular fic so badly, no long fic ever captivated my attention like that one
I'm changing my icon and realized I never posted the one I was just using, oof! It's a shame because this art STILL makes me 😍😍😍 whenever I see it!
This was something I commissioned from the wonderfully talented @jorrated, who is easy to work with and easy to talk to! (I got both the flats AND the finished piece, without even asking!) Please go give them some love, their art is FANTASTIC! 💕💕
! ! ! MAJOR SPOILERS ! ! ! If you haven’t seen the eps, don’t read!
In “Mr. Universe,” we see Steven get increasingly frustrated with Greg. Steven clearly knows so little about him; he didn’t even discover Greg’s original surname directly from him, but from a family member he didn’t know existed. So of course Steven is hungry for more; he wants to know how his father became the person he is.
But when Steven sees Greg’s parents’ home, he doesn’t see the “prison” Greg described. I imagine that Greg isn’t being hyperbolic when he talks about his family; they kept him from doing the things he loved, but allowed him to do things like wrestling and mathletes, which he hated, and the former put him in harm’s way. The fact they didn’t even open the letters he sent is also telling: Greg often reached out, but they were a closed door.
Which is interesting, given that they still hang Greg’s portrait up in the hall.
There may be more going on here than Greg is even telling him. In fact, I wouldn’t be surprised if it’s on the same level as what Pink Diamond went through with the other Diamonds -- or if not quite that extreme, then at the very least, analogous.
To Steven, though, he sees a “normal” house. He hears Greg talk about all the things he never had; chaperones, meatloaf Thursdays, curfews, and he only sees the evidence for a “normal” childhood.
A normal, human childhood. Something Steven was denied.
When Greg explains the reason he chose the last name “Universe,” embracing it as more than just a stage name, Steven can’t understand. Not because he doesn’t love music, too -- he clearly does, they’re singing along to the song they wrote together! -- but because this name means nothing to Steven. There’s no history to it. Every human on earth has a family history, genealogy, ancestry.
But Steven’s the first to be given the name “Universe” at birth. The name has no weight; it’s a made-up in-between, neither Greg’s true surname nor anyone else’s.
And “Mr. Universe” ends with Steven crashing the van.
When Steven comes to, he’s expecting Greg to yell at him, to scold him. But... he doesn’t. Greg instead says he’s “proud” of Steven. When was the last time Greg scolded him? The last time Greg drew a line that Steven couldn’t cross? Steven needs that, now more than ever, to be told what isn’t okay.
But Greg doesn’t do that.
Steven deleting the picture is a way of him realizing this. He isn’t “disowning” Greg. He’s rejecting his humanity. He sees that he won’t ever get the things that make so many of us human, so fine. Maybe he isn’t.
This part of “Fragments” gets me:
I think Steven no longer being a vegetarian is not a sign of inconsistent writing, but rather, a sign that Steven’s rejecting his human half. What does it matter whether or not he’s vegetarian if he isn’t even human?
Though I didn’t exactly see this coming, I think the progression of his character makes complete sense. Of course he’s gone Diamond mode. He only sees himself as a gem, and not a human.
Which is probably why we see him as Quartz-sized when he’s ready to fight Jasper again.
If Steven seems “off” in this episode, I think that’s intentional. He’s not acting like himself because he doesn’t see himself in the same light anymore.
And as “Fragments” ends with his accidental shattering of Jasper, and her acknowledging him as her Diamond, that will only cement it.
I’m curious to see where the finale will go, and how it will resolve. Only thing left to do now is wait and see.
i feel bad making a whole Post about these but i just posted two new fics so read if you want to!
Just Out of Sight - In the days of the aftermath of "I Am My Monster," Steven and Connie get a chance to talk about what happened - and, potentially, to relive it together. Commissioned by @cryinghour!
From Soft, Clear Skies to Harsh, Craggy Landscapes - Steven takes a shower immediately after the events of "I Am My Monster" and witnesses the scars born from his corruption. Based on this wonderful fanart by @stevenquartz, and commissioned by @tinystarpaws!
I hope one of these piques your interest and if not - thanks for reading!
rating: G
fandom: Steven Universe
prompt: It Seemed Like a Good Idea at the Time
warnings: None Apply
word count: 2.3k
requester: @koffiepop
Apple Farms and Missed Calls
Connie has a great idea.
Set between the episodes "Growing Pains" and "Mr. Universe,” but is absolutely NOT canon compliant.
This oneshot features Connverse, mutual bonding over purposelessness, and also, their respective relationships with their parents. Enjoy!
-
It’s Connie’s idea. Which, really, only makes it seem like a fantastic idea, because she’s usually the one to talk him down from this kind of thing.
“Let’s run away,” she says with complete sincerity. “Let’s get on a bus and not look back.”
Steven turns to face her, startled. She isn’t looking at him. She is sitting on his balcony with a soft look on her face as she watches the moonrise, and he’s watering a few of his potted plants that he’s kept outside the greenhouse.
Since the greenhouse… isn’t exactly the best place for him right now.
“We could go live on an apple farm. Just like you used to say.”
“I think I said that once.” He laughs, but Connie doesn’t join him. Her eyes close and she leans back against the wall of the house, her knees folded up to her chest and arms folded across them.
“Seriously?”
“What’s the alternative?” Connie giggles, but it isn’t genuine. “Go to college a thousand miles away for something I’m not even sure I’ll like?”
“…Huh?”
She sighs. “Oh, I don’t know what I’m saying. Never mind.”
“No, no, wait.” Steven’s heart skips a beat as he sets his elephant-shaped watering can down on the ground, and kneels next to her. It’s the first time he’s ever, ever heard her doubt college, and it’s so intensely relatable that he can hardly believe it’s coming from her. “I thought you really wanted to go to Jayhawk.”
“I do.” She hesitates. “I did? I…”
A frustrated groan tugs itself out of her throat, and she puts her head in her hands. “It just isn’t fair. Why am I being expected to decide something that will shape my entire future? Our brains aren’t even done developing, Steven! We’ve still got nearly a decade!”
“Uh, well—”
“How do I even know that the thing I really want to do, the thing I’m really interested in right now, is going to be something I’m always interested in? Or should I be going for a hobby, like art, something I really enjoy but I’m not necessarily good at, but that’s an extremely competitive field, and…”
“Why don’t…”
“And Mom thinks I should be preparing for grad school already, like I have any idea how that could benefit me. I just… want to get away from all of it for a bit. Get a breather. Not have anyone breathing down my neck about something I haven’t even had time to think about, because I’ve been too busy with school!”
Connie gives a great sigh, leaning her cheek into her hand as she stares up at the moon overheard. “An apple farm has never sounded better.”
It’s getting late. The gems won’t be home for another day or two, if they’ll even notice he’s gone with how busy they’ve been. And Connie, in this lighting, has never looked so beautiful.
But then, he thinks that every time he sees her.
“Okay.”
She blinks. She looks at him with confusion written all over her face. “What exactly are you ‘okay’-ing?”
“Okay, let’s run away.” The look on her face is eerily close to the time he proposed, so very quickly, he adds, “Not forever. Not even all the way to an apple farm, if you don’t want. But just for a night or two, maybe. Let’s go pretend none of that stuff exists.”
“Mom’ll have my head.”
“So?”
That gets a bark of laughter out of her. She shakes her head… and then she grins. “Okay. Let’s go be rebellious teenagers.”
Steven giggles. “Can’t be rebellious if no one told us not to do this.”
“Ooh, I like the way you think, mister.”
She takes her hand in his, and they both laugh.
This is a far better idea in theory than it is on paper.
-
Rather than take the bus, they pile into Steven’s car. Steven grabs a few things to keep them overnight — mostly just a change of clothes, his toothbrush, only the basics. They swing by Connie’s house, where Steven grabs her and floats up to her window so she can grab what she needs.
They’re like ninjas.
His heart’s thudding in his chest, anticipation rising. The last time they did something like this, it had been over in an instant. Alexandrite chased down the bus and forced them out, and he’d lost his TV privilege for one thousand years.
Hard to believe it’s been three years since then.
But now, no giant woman pursues them. They drive out of the city, radio on, Connie gazing at the scenery with an expression between adoration and awe, and Steven’s heart softens at how the only other time he’s seen her with that look is when she looks at him.
It’s such a cheesy thought that he blushes, eyes back on the road immediately.
“I think there’s some campgrounds about an hour out,” Connie suggests, almost startling him. “Do you wanna stay there for the night?”
“Oh. Sure.” He grins. “Getting back to nature, huh?”
“I haven’t been camping in so long.” Her voice is nostalgia colored in melancholy, and Steven knows she needs this.
“Camping it is, then.”
-
They do not have a tent.
They lay down on the top of his car and watch the stars.
“You know,” Connie murmurs, “I used to dream of being an astronaut. Of exploring planets in other solar systems, documenting everything, enjoying it maybe way too much.”
“Yeah?”
“Then everything happened.” Dread sinks into his stomach like lead, mouth drying, as he realizes what she means. “And… I don’t know. Maybe that’s not what I’m meant for.”
“How would you know?” He swallows, unable to look at her. His gaze remains fixed on the cloudless night sky, as he struggles to withhold what he can already tell would be his pink glow. “What you’re meant for?”
“I don’t know.”
In the silence that follows, Steven prays for what he isn’t meant for.
-
They sleep in the car. Connie on the backseat, and Steven in the driver’s, pushing the back far enough for him to at least sleep at an incline. He drapes his jacket over Connie to use as a blanket when he thinks she’s out, but she opens her eyes and offers him a smile that devastates him.
-
The next morning, when they’re back on the road, they get just enough reception for Connie to see she’s missed eight calls and has three voicemails.
“Shit.”
It’s the first time Steven’s heard Connie curse.
“Don’t worry about it.” Steven smiles, hoping to assuage her fears. “This is about you right now. Not them. So we’ll only go back when you’re ready to go back.”
Connie bites her lip. “No, I must’ve really worried them. I can’t believe I didn’t even text them to let them know what I was doing… I’m gonna call them.”
“No, don’t worry about it!” He laughs and hates how forced it sounds, for the look Connie sends him. He keeps his eyes on the road. “We could go another night. They’ll be fine.”
“Steven, they’re clearly not—”
“It’s not like they’ve even noticed!”
“They clearly have—” Connie cuts herself off this time. She furrows her brow, and then she reaches for his phone.
“Uh, hey…”
“You haven’t had yours even on.” She boots up his phone without asking him. “Steven, if you’re worried they won’t notice, you have to give them the chance to show it.”
He bites his tongue. Connie presses a few buttons on his phone, and then there’s a voice.
“You have one new message. First message:”
“Hey, Schtu-ball.” It’s Greg. The relief is so immediate and so intense that his eyes water and he doesn’t get why. “I don’t know what’s going on, but both you and Connie are missing, and the Dondai’s not here… I know things have been pretty rough lately, so. Call me when you can. I don’t want to push you, but I’m worried about you. I love you, kiddo.”
“End of message.”
Steven pulls over, pressing his wet, snotty face into the sleeve of his jacket, and Connie puts her arm around him and pulls him in.
No messages from the gems, even though both Amethyst and Pearl have phones by this point. But it’s fine.
Maybe Garnet foresaw his return.
“I don’t want to go back yet,” he tells Connie. “Is that… okay?”
“... Yeah.” It’s hesitant, but Connie gives a gentle sigh and rubs his back. “I’m gonna call my mom and explain what’s going on. But we don’t have to go back just yet.”
“Thanks.”
-
The next night is spent at a run-down motel that Steven recognizes a little too well. They’re on the border of Delmarva and Keystone, and they spend the evening with their bare feet dipping into the swimming pool.
“What are you going to do if the gems don’t call you?” Connie asks.
Steven huffs. “I don’t know.” He doesn’t want to think about it.
He’s not even sure if he wants them to call at all.
“Well…” Connie’s fingers interlace with his. His heart skips a beat. “It’ll be nice to sleep in an actual bed tonight. You know?”
“Yeah.” He smiles. “I know.”
Her phone buzzes. Connie glances at it, the phone turned away so Steven couldn’t sneak a peek even if he’d wanted to. “Oh, it’s my mom.” She pulls her feet out of the water, sighing. “I’ll be right back. You stay here, okay?”
He nods. Connie smiles and pulls her hand from his, grabs her shoes, and heads on back to the room with her phone pressed to her ear.
Steven groans and flops back against the pavement. What is he even doing? What point does this serve, to just… run away from all his problems? Why is he dragging Connie with him?
It’s better to run away with someone else than to do it alone.
No, Connie was the one who suggested it. It’s just that Steven’s the one prolonging it. He’s hijacked her journey, and he definitely shouldn’t have done that. He knows what that’s like.
Maybe he should go home. Even if none of the gems have noticed he’s gone, maybe that’s for the best. If he goes back now, he won’t have to explain himself to them. Or maybe they’d ask where he’d been, he’d say he’d gone for a walk, and they’d just shrug.
But Connie’s parents had noticed right away when she didn’t come home.
Pink explodes out of him, too bright, turning himself into a beacon in this poorly lit swimming pool in the middle of a poorly lit parking lot. He winces and struggles wildly for a moment to contain it—
Then a sound interrupts him. There’s the screech and stench of burning rubber, a sudden brake, and then the sound of a door opening and slamming shut. He turns, anxiety spiking — pink refusing to disappear — and sees the Maheswarans’ car pulled up beside the pool.
But it isn’t the Maheswarans that are charging him right now.
“STEVEN!”
Amethyst slams into him, knocking him into the chlorine pool water. Steven gasps as he surfaces, the water seeping through his organic jacket, but then Amethyst’s arms are gripping his shoulders, shaking him. “What the hell, man! What are you doing?!”
“H...huh?” At least she’s stuck in the water with him.
“You can’t just leave without any sort of notification,” Pearl says. Steven looks up to see both Pearl and Garnet standing on the pool’s edge, bizarre expressions on their face. He hasn’t seen anything like it before. Anger and… something else.
… Concern? Or is that just him hoping, projecting?
“You guys could’ve called me,” Steven mutters as he moves to the edge of the pool, pulling himself out. “I would’ve answered.”
“No, you wouldn’t have.” Garnet’s voice is resolute, firm, unyielding.
“I might have!” he snaps. “You can’t just -- just decide that for me! I didn’t even know you guys were coming, I didn’t even know you guys cared, I…!”
“Dude.” Amethyst swims on over, hopping out of the pool right next to him. “Are you… okay?”
Steven blinks.
“I…” He works his throat, but despite everything, he can’t find it in himself to articulate an answer. His eyes water, and he tries very, very hard not to let them see. “W...what are you even doing here? How’d you know I’d be here?”
Pearl smiles, though it doesn’t quite seem genuine. “Your location was on.”
“Huh…?” He could’ve sworn he turned it off before he turned off his phone.
He tries not to think about what that means.
“C’mon,” Amethyst beckons, grabbing his hand. “Let’s head home, okay?”
“You are in big trouble for just up and leaving us, young man.” Pearl’s voice is stern, hard. “Connie’s going to go home with her parents, while we are going to walk to the nearest warp pad. All four of us. And we’re taking away your TV privileges again.”
“I don’t even really watch TV anymore,” Steven mutters in resignation.
He hasn’t done anything he likes to do in a long time.
“W-well… We’ll…” Pearl blushes, flustered, and quickly tries to recover. “Well, we’ll find something to take away from you! You can’t just do whatever you want!”
For a moment, the anger builds in him again. What are they even doing? Are they trying to — to discipline him? After years and years of letting him solve their problems for them, now they’re trying to do parenting right?
… Oh.
They’re trying.
“You ready?” Garnet asks.
His eyes water again, and somehow, slowly, his pink glow fades. “Yeah,” he murmurs, exhausted. “Yeah.”
