#istillwantusback

[dearieprincess]

05.Mar.2016 - ZS & Me

A note to remind myself.

Today was interesting cos I get to work with ZS for the event. Hence, we had no choice but to spend the evening together, at work. I must say I did enjoy the work though it was a Saturday. We chatted for quite a while when he saw me sitting alone at the reception. We chatted for quite a while on some mundane stuff but at least, he made the effort to speak with me and I really really appreciate. I hope that is his way of telling me that he still like and in love with me. Cos I think i didn’t really have the courage to start confessing to him. I missed this kind of conversation which we can talk about anything under the sun.

Though it was talking about something that we really didn’t matter to us, I am glad that we have that airtime. All this time while running the event, we did speak for a bit, mainly on some miscellaneous stuff but i must say i thoroughly enjoyed it. Maybe I just missed talking to him, I just missed Us. 

But I must say that i enjoyed the pre-event meeting more, which happened on about 2-3 days before. We had some fun conversations before the meeting and after. I guessed it was becos we didn’t bump into each other for a while and cos I wore a very bright red dress that day and he joked about being CNY is over.... And the normal nonsensical bantering started. After the meeting, we continued with another discussion and we joked about the heels I was wearing. This has been a topic that is close to both our hearts. 

The reason is that he actually know how tall I am without my heels and though we never spoke on that, that’s the height he has always like about me. I think he also sees the fun of seeing me running in my heels which I always do without myself realising...maybe I do look funny doing that. 

I do miss ZS and I do miss Us being together. I want to still be with Us but I know maybe that is not very possible. But sometimes, human are just so stubborn, the moment we know that there is the slightest glimmer of hope, we wouldn’t give up. Maybe that is me now. I hope I will give up and stop hoping. 

If God allows us to be together, please let me know that it is possible. I really hope it is possible. God, please let us be together. 

Side note1: Mr Bear Hug purposely walked over to catch up with me when I told him I was on property. He walked all the way from wherever he was to see me and spoke to me. Cos we didn’t get to meet up for a while, maybe since I got back from Krabi. Felt so touch and I know that he is sincere about making sure that I am well... Sometimes, when we didn’t get to meet each other, he made it a point to call me which I am definitely very appreciative of that. He definitely know how to make sure that I can at least be happy and smile for a moment.  

Side note2: One of the gang finally got married and we are so happy for him. Not only were we invited to witness the union, we were part of his speech. I must say that it is an honour for me. We all have grew together, I saw the gang’s unions, childbirth and they, in turn, saw my breakup and my lows. All this while, they have also given me lots of courage to move on. I don’t know what would have been if it wasn’t for them too. 

Know what, every time I speak of the breakup I will tear... I tear not becos I am upset with the breakup, I tear becos I didn’t realise that everyone around me cared so much for me and the fact that they were so upset with me for not confiding earlier and having to go thru everything by myself. 

[dearieprincess]

29042016: ZS walked me back to my office

My day started earlier than usual today as there was a meeting at 9am in the office. So I reached office at 830am and went for my coffee, I was at my desk at about 850am before my meeting started. A meeting that was supposed to be 1.5hours ended in 15mins cos no one really prep for the meeting. So when it all finally ended, I went to meet the ‘Elites’ for breakfast as what was planned. 

Had a great catch up with them cos its been a long time since the 4 of us sat together. But I had to leave earlier than the rest cos I try to be back at my desk before 1030am. So I bid them bye and went off. While walking out of the breakfast place, I saw a familiar face walking towards my direction. It was ZS. I walked in his direction and was looking at my phone, and he made the first move to say hi. 

ZS: You actually eat breakfast? Me: Errr... errr.. ZS: You actually came here to eat breakfast Me: Ermmm yes, eat breakfast cos I started my day damn early ... 

So we walked a bit and I asked him.. ‘Eh how come nowadays grow shorter?’ and he was like looking at my shoes... ‘OK OK is my heels got higher’ 

We then proceeded to walk but I had no clue where we were walking to. I dont know if he was walking to the other attraction or he is just gonna walk with me  towards my office. He sensed that we were getting nowhere and asked where I am going, so I told him that I was going back to my office and he just carried on with me. We talked about random things along the way... I started complaining that I had nothing to do and it was driving me nuts, and he told me that is like what I had always wished for. I updated him that how i just watched the clock daily and its killing me 

He also went on to update me on what he is doing like how he was involved in the new F&B outlet. I was like ‘What has it gotta do with you’ and he went on to tell me why.. Along the way, he asked me which way I was taking and continued to walk with me.. Then he went on to tell me how he bumped into one of my colleagues and she had asked him for his number... I was like ‘why she wants your number for?!’ and he went ‘ya, I kept asking her too’ but he gave her after a while cos apparently she kept pestering him... but he told me that he cant be bothered when she gave him a missed call. 

So we reached the escalator at the convention hall, and I thought we would part ways there cos we stopped there for a bit. But nope, we didnt. He continued to ask where I was going and took the escalator with me. While on the escalator, he was initially standing one step below me and he started to move next to me and up one step above me. So I asked him what was he doing and he went  ZS: I’m not used to be looking up at you so better to stand one step above you Me: Hahaha why you not used to me looking down at you is it?  ZS: Ya sort of Me: Well, you know there is something you can do right?! All you have to do is to take away my shoes and you will forever get the chance to look down on me lor.’

By then, we reached the door towards the carpark. And I thought he would bid goodbye but he didn’t. He continued to walk with me into my office area... All these time while we were walking he continued to be the gentlemen that I have always knew, he opened the door and allowed me in first. 

We spoke about how I break my heels and like how many pairs of heels I have used. I told him maybe i was getting fat and he went ‘no! you are not fat!’ But I told him I would still want to down another 2kgs if I can :)

We chatted for another 5-10mins right outside my office door.. Talking from work to eating at cafeteria to spending money with my credit cards... I actually tapped the door twice but didn’t go in cos there was a reluctant to stop the conversation from the both of us. But we eventually had to cause we knew somehow we got to end it. We parted way and he went ‘See you, I will see you when I see you :)’ I told him ‘thank you for walking me back to office’ 

I and him, both wished that we can continue on but it was not very possible. If we can, i am sure we both want to go back to where we were previously. I hope he is still able to read all my updates on LINE cos I really wrote that for him. 

I want to go back to days that we can chat nonstop on the phone about anything & everything. And i want to go back to the days when he can just give me a hug whenever I need one... 

If there is something call wishes, I want to get back with ZS again

PS: I will write more about 05032016 where ZS & I had a chance to work together, and what happened on 1st or 2nd March meeting.